The Luminance of Night
by StoryPainter
Summary: What if Bella realized Edward's plan to leave after the incident at her 18th birthday party? Could she find the strength to walk away to give the Cullens a chance at normalcy for a few more years? Could she survive it? Did she want to? AU/New Moon
1. Indecision

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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I sat in my chair at the kitchen table, pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. I stared at the pizza box and listened to sounds of the TV in the living room. Edward would get up from his place in the armchair and come in here soon. I did not have much time to think this through. Something was very wrong, maybe more wrong than I'd realized. I tried to get control of myself, to reason with myself. Edward's words from last night were playing in my mind. I thought of one part of our conversation because I knew I was missing something important and I needed to find the true meaning of his words.

'_Tell me you forgive me." _

_That brought a flicker of life to his face – a flicker of anger. 'Forgive _you_? For what?'_

'_If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened.'_

'_Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut – that hardly deserves the death penalty.'_

'_It's still my fault.'_

_My words opened up the floodgate._

'_Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own – without someone throwing you into them – even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up – and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella, it will only make me more disgusted with myself.'_

I had lashed out about bringing Mike Newton into the conversation because I wanted to ignore the meaning of what he said. He blamed himself for what happened. He was the one who pushed me out of the way when Jasper sprang to attack and he felt he was the one responsible for the gash on my arm. There was something else too. He had not reacted this way after the incident with James. Was it because, this time, it wasn't an enemy he'd had to protect me from? Because it was his brother? With that thought the true consequence of what happened at my party, and the reason for Edward's behavior since, came crashing down on me. He was leaving. He would rather give up his chance at normality than risk my life any further by staying. I could not let him or his family sacrifice any more for me.

I ran up to my room without saying a word to my Dad or Edward. I needed to be alone. I needed a plan. Edward would not wait much longer to confess to me that he and his family were leaving and I couldn't give him the chance. I locked my bedroom door and my window. Edward could probably still get in if he wanted but I knew he would not try. He would respect my obvious desire not to be disturbed.

After a few hours, I heard Charlie drudge up the stairs. He knocked lightly on my door but I did not answer. I hoped he would assume I was already asleep. He probably realized I was upset by the fact that I had ignored him and Edward all evening and he was never comfortable dealing with emotions. I counted on this. After a few moments of silence I heard his footsteps continue down the hall to his room. I sighed and relaxed on my bed.

I was lost in the thoughts raging through my mind when I was startled by a noise at my window. In the time that it took my mind to register where the sound was coming from, it had already stopped. I walked over to the window and looked out. I could just barely make out Edward's silhouette as he slowly headed toward the nearby woods. I had to stop myself from flinging open the window and begging him to come back. I would plead with him to stay. But I knew he would not. He had already made his decision. I had seen it in his eyes when I came home from work. There was nothing I could say that could change his plans. Now, I just had to make sure that my plan was put into action before the Cullens had the opportunity to abandon their home.

When morning finally came, I scrawled a quick note, folded it and placed it in my pocket. I would not have the chance to write anything without Edward's notice once I got to school. I grimaced at my appearance when I got dressed and looked in the mirror. I looked as tired as I felt and my hair was a mess. There was no time to fix it so I twisted it up in a bun before heading downstairs. I forced down a granola bar, picked up my bag and headed out the door. This would be my last day at Forks High.

Edward's countenance was blank, just as I expected it to be, when he opened the door to my truck. I fought the tears that I knew I would be battling all day. This was not going to be easy. I bit my lower lip and allowed Edward to lead me toward our first class. I was sure my face was like an open book but Edward was too lost in his own thoughts to notice my fear and sorrow. I allowed the uncomfortable silence to continue between us until he walked me to my truck after school. This was the last time I would see him. I pulled him into a tight embrace and breathed his scent greedily. This would normally cause him to chuckle but not today. I pulled away and stared at his face. Not that I could ever forget even the smallest detail, but I wanted to make sure I had each inch of him committed to memory. The memories were all I'd have after today.

"Edward, I need you to promise me something." I looked up at him and tried to keep my expression as blank as his. Part of me wanted to be angry and yell at him for his intention to desert me, but I understood his motives even if I did not agree with them. I knew if the roles were reversed I would probably make the same decision.

"What would you like me to agree to?" He would not give me an unconditional 'yes'. I fought against the sob that was building in my chest.

"Read this when you get home and don't be angry with me. Just do what it says, okay?" I knew better than to try lie to Edward so I handed him the note I had written this morning asking him to stay away until Saturday. It alleged I needed time to think and requested he not come to the house or try to look for me over the next five days. It also explained that I would not be in school for the rest of the week so he wouldn't be worried when I didn't show up in the morning. I wondered what he would think when he read it. Would he be angry with me? Not that he had a right to be.

He looked down at the folded piece of paper and took it from my hand. I felt the familiar blaze from his touch.

"Bella, I'm not…"

"Edward." I interrupted. "Please, Edward." I added the plea to ensure he would consent.

He just nodded without saying another word.

He leaned down to kiss my lips softly before taking a step away from me. I smiled with difficulty, fighting the desire to pull him back to me and kiss him one last time, and turned to climb into the cab of my old Chevy. I concentrated on not looking at him because the tears were now streaming down my cheeks. The sobs became uncontrollable once I drove out of the parking lot and as soon as I was sure he would not see I pulled to the side of the road to allow the sadness to consume me. I leaned my head on the steering wheel and tried to control the agony coursing through to my very soul. My body shook with sorrow until I was too exhausted to cry any more. I wiped at my eyes to clear them so I could see well enough to drive the rest of the way home. There was too much to do to linger in my despair.

I fried fish for dinner hoping to soften the blow of the conversation I would have to have with Charlie. He ate greedily leaving little to clean up after we finished. I washed the dishes and headed into the living room. No point in putting off the inevitable downfall of what I had to do.

"Dad, I need to talk to you about something important." Much to my surprise, Charlie turned off the TV and turned to give me his undivided attention. Maybe he suspected this would be serious because of my behavior last night and Edward's absence tonight. I just hoped he would not get too upset with me. I had grown quite close to him over the last several months and I did not want to risk his disappointment. He was part of the reason I would not be running to my Mom in Jacksonville.

"Dad, I want to move out." Whatever he was expecting me to say it wasn't that. His mouth opened twice and then closed without him saying anything. The vein in his forehead that made its appearance whenever he was extremely angry or upset started to bulge in response to my words. I knew I had to talk fast to make him understand. "I don't want to go far. I just need to…not go back to Forks High. I don't want to go into a detailed explanation but I can't be around Edward anymore."

"You and Edward break up?"

"Not exactly. Dad, please, I can't tell you everything right now, but I need you to trust me. Leaving is best for Edward and for me." I added the last part because I was sure he wouldn't let me go if he thought I was just doing it for Edward.

"Are you going to Jacksonville to live with your mom? Bella, I want you to stay. I don't care what's best for Edward. I want _you_ to stay." Tears filled his eyes but he did not allow them to spill over his lids and onto his face.

"I'm not going to Jacksonville but I want you to tell Edward that's where I went. I know it all seems crazy but I need time away. Dad, please help me with this."

"Did he hurt you? Bella, I swear if he did anything to you…"

"No, Ch-Dad! Edward didn't do anything. It's me…I'm too young to feel what I feel and I want to take a step back for a while." I thought that sounded like something an 18 year old girl who was obviously in love with her first boyfriend would say. Charlie could believe I was being responsible, especially after what had happened with him and Renee. I had to convince him not to be angry with Edward. Despite everything, I could not stand for Charlie to think ill of him.

"Where will you go if not to Jacksonville?" Acceptance. The next part of my plan was still somewhat uncertain. I thought La Push would be the best place to hide because none of the Cullens would even think to look for me there. Certainly there were cheap apartments I could afford with Charlie's help and a part-time job. I hoped the high school on the reservation wouldn't mind me attending despite the fact that I was not Quileute. Everyone on the reservation seemed to know and respect Chief Swan. I hoped they would make an exception and allow my presence.

"I was thinking maybe I could find a place in La Push and finish my senior year at the school on the reservation." I watched Charlie's expression. He was relieved but confused. The wheels were turning quickly as he tried to grasp everything I had just thrown at him without giving him any prior warning. Of course the Cullens' inability to step foot on Quileute land was not my only reason for choosing the reservation. I wanted to be close to Charlie too. He could come visit me every day if he wanted and I could still make him dinner to ensure he continued to eat decently. I worried that he would go back to eating steak and cobbler every night or try to cook on his own. Neither were viable options in my opinion.

"Bella, I'm not real excited about the idea of you living on your own." He held up his hands to stop me from interrupting. "But, I can tell you've made up your mind and there isn't any point in trying to talk sense into you right now. The Clearwaters have an apartment over their garage that they've been looking to rent. I'm sure they won't mind letting you stay there. I'll call them tomorrow, first thing." For the millionth time since moving back to Forks I was grateful to Charlie's hesitance to intrude. I hugged him quickly and ran upstairs to start packing. I hoped to be long gone before Edward showed up looking for me on Saturday.

Thinking of Edward brought a new round of tears. I dashed into the bathroom to rinse away some of the sorrow with hot water and strawberry scented shampoo. I waited until the water started to run cold before I turned off the shower and stepped out of the tub. I dressed in my old sweats and went to bed. I unlocked my window. No point in worrying about Edward. He would keep his promise.


	2. Decision

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. **

**A/N: **Thanks so much for the reviews!

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The Clearwaters graciously agreed to let me live in the apartment over their garage and refused to let me pay rent. I had tried to argue but they wouldn't listen. Harry saw this as an opportunity to see Charlie more often. He tried to convince me that I was doing him a favor by living there. The apartment was small but clean. With the help of just about everyone on the reservation my place was fully furnished and I had everything I needed to survive on my own including an old TV. The tube took a few minutes to warm up before the picture would appear but I didn't mind.

Charlie had purchased a new full size bed for the bedroom. I had tried to take the one from my room but he had insisted it stay there in case I ever wanted to come home to visit for a night or two…or more. He was pretending to be strong but I knew this was hard on him. He had no idea how hard all of this was for me too. I had no one to confide in to reveal my real reasons for leaving Forks.

I sent a letter to Renee with a note for Edward enclosed. Her letter instructed her to tell Edward I did not want to see him and to give him what I had written for him. I wondered if he would even bother to look for me. The tears swelled in my eyes and I stretched out on the couch to let the sadness take over one more time. Eventually, I would have to find a way to live without Edward. After a few hours I sat up and wrapped my arms around my body. There was a huge hole forming from the loss of my heart. I lifted myself off the couch and headed over to the house adjacent to my new apartment. Charlie was here visiting with Harry and his wife, Sue, and I needed to make an appearance.

Thursday I found myself with nothing to do to occupy my time which was dangerous. I could not afford time to think or wallow. I would not start school on the reservation until Monday so I had four days to fill. I decided to take a walk down First Beach. The sun was absent as usual but the rain fall was minimal. I put on my coat and walked out to my truck. There was a note waiting for me on the front seat.

_Bella,_

_Meet me here after school._

_Jacob_

I let out a sigh. I had been stupid to think Edward would find me and break a treaty decades old just to leave me a note. At least I would know one person at my new school. I hoped that would help get me through the first day. I jumped at the sound of the loud engine when I turned the key and laughed at myself. This was going to be a hard fought battle. Knowing Edward was only a short distance away would make everyday a constant struggle to keep myself from driving over to see him. I had already considered trying to spy on him from a distance but realized how stupid it would be to even try. No, I had to stay in La Push until after graduation. Edward would go off to college, or at least pretend to, and I could move back to Charlie's. The local college was the only place I could even think about going because I could almost afford the tuition and I would be able to stay home to save on room and board costs. Renee, of course, would want me to move to Jacksonville for college. That was still a possibility but leaving the one place Edward had existed for me was not something I could consider yet.

After walking on the beach for a few hours I headed over to the reservation's small store to pick up some essentials. The Clearwaters had made me promise to eat with them at least a few nights a week but I would need to cook the rest of the time. I expected Charlie would be there for dinner most nights too and the thought comforted me more than I thought it would. Even though our time together was usually quiet, I had come to rely on having my Dad around. Losing him too would have been more than I could handle.

Jacob came over right after school and immediately relaxed on my couch. I couldn't help smiling at how comfortable he was around me already. He smiled back and patted the cushion next to him.

"Are you still working on that car?" I was content sitting close to him and enjoyed the warmth permeating from his body. He draped his arm across the top of the couch behind me and looked over at me.

"Yep, but I'm missing a few parts to finish. It shouldn't be too much longer though." His eyes lit up when he talked and I let myself get absorbed in the conversation as he continued to describe the work required to get the Volkswagen running again. I didn't understand anything he was saying but I enjoyed his presence. I absorbed his happiness and tried to use it to fill the emptiness that continued to grow inside of me. When I was with him I felt a little less hollow.

Jacob and I spent Friday afternoon together as well just hanging out at my place. He never did or said anything to make me uneasy and he avoided the subjects I fought hard to forget. He never mentioned Edward or asked my reason for moving here as if he sensed I would crumble if he did. Charlie came over for dinner Friday night and the Clearwaters decided to throw an impromptu get together in their driveway when Billy and Jacob showed up too. Within an hour half of the residents of the reservation were there. The crowd was a little more than I could handle so I retreated to a dark area between the house and the garage.

"Bella?" His now familiar voice drifted from several feet away. I turned to face Jacob and hoped the lack of lighting where I was would keep him from noticing the tell tale signs that I had been crying. "What are you doing over here? Charlie is looking for you."

"Oh, I guess I should go find him then."

"He can wait a minute. What's wrong?" Despite the darkness he noticed I was not okay. I wondered how he knew me so well already. I let him wrap his long arms around me and pull me close to him. He was even taller than he looked and I was surprised that my face pressed against his chest rather than his shoulder.

"Jacob, how tall are you? I swear you've grown a foot since I moved to Forks." My voice was slightly smothered by his chest but Jacob's laughter assured me he understood what I said. He looked down at me with a huge grin on his face. I was struck by the pure joy of his expression. He seemed so young and innocent in that moment.

"I don't know exactly but I'm taller than anyone else at school now." He boasted.

"That does not surprise me at all." I smiled without having to force it and snuggled back into his chest. Being with Jacob made me feel better and I refused to allow myself to wonder why. I just took advantage of the relief his presence brought. "Thank you." I murmured.

"For what?" He pulled me away so he could see my face.

"For just being you, Jacob." I wanted him to know how special he was.

"Hey kids. Bells, I'm going to call it a night. You'll call me if you need anything?" Charlie tried to pretend that he hadn't caught Jacob and I in an embrace and I debated trying to explain to him it didn't mean anything but I was afraid of hurting Jacob's feelings.

"Yeah, Dad I'll be fine but I promise to call if necessary." I hated and loved having him looking after me. I hugged him quickly to keep the awkwardness to a minimum.

Jacob put his arm around my shoulders and led me back to the crowd. I tried not to compare his warm touch with the cold embrace I longed to feel. There was no point. Those memories had to be forced to the back until I was ready to face them again. I could never forget him but I had to learn to live without him. Jacob caught the dark expression on my face and pulled me closer. I feared the dependence I already had on him.

I awoke the next morning already crying. Today Edward would realize I was gone. Would he head to Jacksonville or be relieved that he didn't have to deal with the primal urges my presence stirred in him. I had already decided I would keep in close contact with Angela. I would tell her I was in Jacksonville and rely on her to tell me how Edward was doing. I could trust her to be honest and not gossip. Charlie had convinced the Clearwaters and the Blacks to keep my presence on the reservation a secret as much as was possible. I was grateful that Charlie just let me have this time without harassing me for the details. I wondered if he had made them vow not to probe me with questions regarding my motives because no one asked me why I was there. I was accepted into the Quileute family. Charlie came over again on Sunday to watch a game with Harry and Billy on Harry's new big screen TV. Jacob and I headed to the beach. The sun was shinning and it was actually warm enough to leave my jacket in the truck.

My arms were glued around my torso almost all the time now. Even though I knew he could not possibly come here I was saddened that Edward hadn't somehow figured out where I really was and come after me. It was ludicrous to let these fantasies of him fighting for me and refusing to let me go run through my mind but I was unable to stop myself. I missed him more than I thought possible. Thinking of a future with him helped but I worried about the consequences these thoughts would have later.

Monday morning arrived and I hurried to get dressed so I would not be late on my first day at the Quileute Tribal School. Jacob ran over to me when I pulled into a parking space at the school. He had the grin on his face that I had come to associate with him.

"I'm here to make sure you don't get lost today." He teased and draped his arm around me. I was surprised that I was not uncomfortable with his show of affection in front of the other students. He walked with me to the front office and greeted the woman at the desk. She introduced herself as Mrs. Kint and provided me with my schedule.

"You will have a study period because we don't expect you to take the Quileute language course. You may utilize the library during that time if you wish." She smiled as she spoke and her eyes sparkled. I found myself trying to picture her a few years younger. She really was a very beautiful person. "If you have any trouble I'm sure anyone will be able to help you out." She glanced at Jacob and reached over to jab him playfully on the shoulder. He clutched his shoulder and pretended to be in pain.

I rolled my eyes at Jacob, thanked Mrs. Kint and headed toward the building where she indicated most of my classes would be located. Jacob trotted after me and took my schedule from my hands. He led me to my first class and watched as I took the seat the teacher pointed toward. I shooed him away with my hands and sighed. He would not leave my side any more than absolutely necessary. This would normally have embarrassed me but I was grateful he was there. I would need him to help me through this first real day without Edward.

The day passed by quickly and as I walked to my truck I began to dread the evening ahead. I didn't have enough homework to keep me busy for more than an hour, Charlie would be working late tonight, and I did not want to monopolize all of Jacob's time so I would not ask him to keep me company. This was the reality of my decision and I had to find a way to continue to exist without the person I loved. Hopefully, Angela would not be upset with me for drilling her about every detail of what happened at my old high school today. I wanted to give her time to get home and settled before I called but it was taking all my strength to wait. As I started the truck I heard a loud thunk in the back of my truck and the passenger door opened just a second later.

"Can you give me a ride?" Jacob was already buckling himself in and turning on the radio - the handlebars of his bike were sticking up from the bed of my truck - I had to stop myself from grabbing his hand and yelling at him. I had not used the new radio Emmett had installed on my birthday. I tried to pretend like it wasn't there most of the time and had debated prying it out with my bare hands since I lacked the necessary tools to get rid of it properly. But it was a gift, a reminder of the family I thought I would one day be a member. I fought the inevitable tears as I pulled out of the school and headed toward the Blacks' home.

Jacob ignored the fact that I was crying and invited me to come in to watch some show about cars. Once my tears slowed he asked me to check out the car he was building. We spent the afternoon in his garage in amiable silence. I appreciated Jacob's unobtrusive presence. He cleaned the passenger seat of the Rabbit for me and worked on the car while trying to explain to me what he was doing.

"Jacob?" I looked up as two boys I recognized from school walked into the garage. They stopped abruptly when they spotted me and seemed unsure if they would be welcome. Jacob slide out from under the car and greeted his two friends.

"Bella, this is Quill and Embry. They have been helping me with some of the repairs." He gestured toward the vehicle I was sitting in. I got up and shook the boys' hands. They smiled awkwardly. "Why don't we head inside and get something to drink?" Jacob suggested as he wiped the grime off his hands with a dirty towel before grabbing my hand and pulling me out of my seat. I looked at our intertwined hands as we walked toward the house. His hand was so warm, such a contrast to the hand I was used to feeling. I wondered if I should pull my hand away. It didn't feel weird or anything so I let it stay.

After the boys were settled in the tiny living room I said my goodbyes so that I could go get my homework finished. I really just wanted to call Angela and I needed to be alone for that.

"Oh! Bella! I'm so excited to hear your voice. Everyone has been saying that you moved back to Jacksonville is that true?" Angela was sincerely concerned about my absence and I felt a tinge of guilt. There had been no way I could have told her earlier that my leaving was permanent. Edward would have heard that in her thoughts and would not have waited until Saturday to look for me.

"Yes, I'm so sorry that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, Ange. Everything just happened so fast and I left right away so that I could get settled in school here before too much time had passed." I had rehearsed the lie enough that it almost sounded like the truth. I hoped she wouldn't pick up on the breaks in my voice.

"I've missed you but I'm glad you're back with your Mom." Leave it to Angela to try to comfort me. I missed her too – more than I thought I would.

"How's school?" I tried to sound nonchalant but she obviously knew exactly where my thoughts were headed.

"Edward went back to sitting at his old table today. He doesn't talk to anyone anymore. It's just like before you came only without the other Cullens there."

"Thanks, I really worry about how he's taking all of this. I didn't have much time to say goodbye to him. I need you to be honest with me though. How is he?" I was afraid of what her answer would be. What if he was fine? What if he seemed relieved that I was gone? I held my breath when she started speaking.

"Bella, I don't know Edward that well so it's hard for me to judge how he's doing. If I had to guess I would say he's completely miserable." She didn't continue but I wanted to know every detail. What was he wearing? What color were his eyes? But I couldn't speak. He was miserable. Is that what I wanted to hear? I was so confused.

"Are you there? I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. Hello?" Her voice cut through my thoughts.

"No, I needed the truth. Thank you. I'm miserable too but I didn't have a choice." I was trying to justify to her why I was hurting him. I felt so pathetic. He was the one who forced me to make this decision. He was going to leave if I hadn't. I should be angry with him. So why was I crying again?

"Bella, I've never seen someone in so much emotional turmoil before. It's like he's just going through the motions without even realizing what he's doing. Maybe you could call him? You guys could make the long distance thing work I'm sure. It has to be better than the pain you are both in right now." Her words were like daggers through my heart. He was hurting. I hurt him.

"I don't know that calling him would be a good idea. Is it okay if I call you again tomorrow though? I don't want to bug you." Talking to him would just make it worse and he would try to convince me to come back. But he would leave if I did. No, this was the only choice. I had to be strong.

"Of course, you can call me anytime."

"Thanks. I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow then."

I sunk into the couch. I had been pacing the whole time I was on the phone but my legs would no longer support me. How could being apart be the right thing when it felt so horribly wrong?

Tuesday passed by in a blur. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I just longed for the day to be over so I could call Angela again. She was my life line. She was my connection to him.

"He wasn't there today. I'm sorry." She was apologizing. I had gasped out loud at her news. Why wasn't he there? Did he leave anyway?

"Ugh!" This was driving me crazy. I needed to see Jacob.

A few minutes later I pulled in front of the Blacks' small home. Jacob was already waiting outside. He could probably hear my truck coming from a mile away. I sighed in relief at the sight of him and jumped out of my truck. He held his arms open for me and I sank into the comfort of being near him.

"Jake, you got taller!" He seemed bigger than he was just the day before.

"I've grown five inches since summer." He was beaming. His height was obviously a source of pride for him. He pulled away from our embrace and grabbed my hand as we walked around the house toward the garage. I was astonished at what I saw. The pieces of metal that didn't resemble much of anything the day before had somehow come together and really started to look like a car.

"Wow, Jacob! How did you get so much finished?" He didn't have that much time where I wasn't hanging around.

"I couldn't sleep last night so I came out here and worked on her for a few hours. It won't be long before I'll be able to drive you to school." He was happy with my reaction. His joy was infectious and I felt some happiness for the first time in over a week.

"It looks amazing. I can't wait to see you behind the wheel." I smiled up at him and let him hug me again.

Charlie came over to the Blacks' that evening for dinner and I didn't get back to my apartment until late. I was debating on leaving my homework undone when my phone rang. I had just left Charlie so I knew he would not be calling and I had not given Angela my phone number. I had no idea who would be calling me. I answered on the third ring.

"Bella Swan what have you done?" My Mom sounded furious. I tried to figure out why she was so angry. I had sent her an email the night before detailing my first day at my new school.

"Edward just left." She said in way of explanation. My heart dropped and then thumped heavily in my chest. He was looking for me? Part of me wanted to jump for joy. The other part wanted to cry out in agony.

"Mom, why are you so mad?" I didn't know what else to say. He may have just wanted to make sure I was okay. Him showing up there did not mean he reconsidered not wanting me in his life. Well, wanting to save me from a life from him as he saw it.

"Sweetie, I have never seen anyone hurt so much in my life. I gave him the letter you sent for him and he ripped it open to read it right in front of me when I told him you weren't here. I watched the expression on his face as he realized you left him." She was almost in tears now. "I've been trying to call you ever since."

"He'll be fine in no time. Trust me. I'm sure he was just shocked. That's all." My words sounded logical. Did I want them to be true? Would this ever get easier?

"Bella, Charlie told me what you said about being afraid to feel so much for him at your age, and I know the part I played in that, but you can't tell me this is what you want. I saw the two of you together at the hospital in Phoenix, remember? I know you love him just as much as he loves you. What did your letter say?"

"Mom, please I know you're trying to help but I need you to trust me. This is what is best for Edward even if he doesn't see it right now." This was not something I had prepared myself to handle. I imagined him coming after me but I never truly believed he would. What did it mean?

"He was so devastated. He tried to hide his emotions but I could see right through his facade. It broke my heart to see such agony. Honey, I want to understand your motives but right now all I can see is the look on his face and all I can hear is the pain in your voice. Please just promise me you'll think about this." She was crying heavily.

"Mom, I have. This isn't easy for me either. I just did what I had to do. Please don't try to make me feel worse than I already do." I said a quick goodbye and hung up the phone. I couldn't talk about him anymore. I was so confused. I climbed into the shower and let the water wash away the tears as I cried. The tears continued to pour as I crawled into bed and longed for unconsciousness. I curled into a ball and waited for sleep to find me.


	3. More to Lose

**Disclaimer:** S. Meyer owns...I adore

**A/N:** Thank you so much for reading. I can't tell you how happy it makes me that so many of you are enjoying this story :-)

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Edward camped outside of Renee's house for five days before he gave up and left. My Mom called me in tears every night and tried to convince me to talk to him. She was angry that I would not tell her where I was but I couldn't because then he too would know. Not that Edward could do anything if he did find out. La Push was still off limits for him and his family. I wondered if Alice was keeping my secret. Certainly, she had seen where I went. Maybe she knew he was just going to leave me anyway and didn't see the point in allowing him to get to me. Maybe Jasper was still so upset about what happened that she was focusing too much on him to see anything or anyone else. If she had seen me, she may not even realize where exactly I was since she had never been to La Push. My frustration increased the more I pondered so I worked to push the thoughts from my mind.

The next week at school was easier than the first. I enjoyed my classes and was starting to get to know my classmates. There was always something to keep me busy in the afternoons and I found that I could distract my mind enough to continue moving forward.

I called Angela Monday night to see if Edward had returned to school. He had but she said that he was even more withdrawn. During the classes she had with him she watched him and provided me with every detail of her observations during our daily conversations. I couldn't ask the color of his eyes because I was afraid of what she would think when the color changed. Her description of him pretty much answered that question for me anyway. The dark purple circles she described under his eyes always coincided with his need to hunt. Angela continued to encourage me to call him but never pushed me. She did not complain about my nightly calls but I worried that it would get annoying after a while. I vowed to myself that I would call less frequently next week. Eventually, I would have to stop calling. I would have to cut this last thread of attachment. I made it a point to to talk to her early Friday afternoon so that I wouldn't interrupt any weekend plans she might have.

"Hi Bella. How are you?" She always asked about me and I always let her be the one to dictate the conversation. I didn't want her to think I was only calling her to hear about Edward. I truly did want to know what was going on with her as well.

"I'm surviving." That was the best answer I could give without lying. "I have two tests Monday that I haven't even begun to study for yet."

"You'll ace them. You're so smart. I actually don't have any tests to worry about and I'm planning on taking my brothers to the zoo this weekend to celebrate." Angela was so fond of her brothers and I thought it endearing that she wanted to spend her free weekend with them.

"That sounds like fun." I hoped my voice conveyed enthusiasm that I didn't feel.

"Do you have any plans for the weekend other than studying?"

"I might head to the beach. Some of my classmates are planning a bonfire so that might be interesting." I had to be careful not to reveal that I wasn't in Jacksonville but I knew lying was not an option. There really was a bonfire planned this weekend I just hoped none of the people from Forks were planning to attend.

"Well, I don't know if this means anything but Edward stared at everyone at our table at lunch today. If I didn't know better I would say he was trying to read our minds." She laughed at that. "At least he wasn't just staring at the cracks in the walls. That's good, right?" Her words stuck in my mind for a few moments and I was unable to respond right away.

"Yeah, maybe he's starting to move on." I tried to sound optimistic. I really wanted to ask her what she had been thinking about but there was no way to phrase the question without sounding crazy.

"I doubt it but it's something different at least." She was probably as conflicted about what I wanted to hear as I was.

I wondered if he _had_ been listening to their thoughts. He had to already know that I talked to Angela every night and interrogated her about him. What did he think about that? I sighed in frustration. There were so many questions that I could never get answered and it was pointless to let them consume me.

Jacob insisted that I attend the bonfire Saturday night. I was worried about people seeing me but Jacob assured me this was a Quileute only function. No one from Forks had been invited. Despite his reassurances, I wasn't able to relax until the bonfire was well under way and I was certain that no one who could betray my location to Edward was there. Jacob never left my side and we held hands most of the time. He smiled when he noticed that I had begun to enjoy myself a little.

I didn't see Jacob at all on Sunday. I tried to call but Billy let me know he was not feeling well so I immersed myself in school work to occupy the time. Luckily, Charlie came over to spend the afternoon with me and we drove to Port Angeles for dinner.

"I'm just not in the mood for Italian." I argued. Charlie wanted to go to the restaurant Edward and I had gone to that fateful night but I did not have the strength to go there again.

"Okay, okay." Charlie conceded. "How about going to Drake's then, you up for pizza?"

I rolled my eyes but nodded and Charlie headed for his second favorite place to eat in Port Angeles. I constantly looked in every direction to make sure I did not recognize anyone around us. Coming here had been stupid but I needed a break from the reservation. I just hoped Alice was still preoccupied with Jasper or whatever else could keep her from telling Edward where I was. According to Angela, she had not yet returned to school. I felt the familiar pang of guilt over what had happened the night of my party.

Two weeks passed and Jacob was still sick. The last time I talked to Billy I had tried to convince him to take Jacob to the doctor. He assured me that Jacob would be healthy again in no time. When I pushed the need for a doctor, Billy advised me that one of the reservation's doctors had already been there to check on Jacob and that I did not need to worry. But I was worried. Jacob was so sick that he couldn't even come to the phone to talk and Billy refused to let me see him when I went over there. I would give this a few more days before I camped outside the house until I saw him.

Three days later I pulled into the small yard in front of the Blacks' home. I got out the book I needed to read for English and made myself comfortable. Billy could not give me the name of Jacob's doctor when I had called earlier in the day. I had already been suspicious and that just pushed me over the edge. Something was going on with my best friend and I would not leave until I got the truth.

The sun was setting when I finally saw movement in the house. The front curtain pulled away and I could just make out eyes peering at me through the window. I smiled, waved and went back to reading my book. I was leaning against the driver's side door with my legs propped up on the seat when the door was yanked open. I tumbled out of the cab but two arms caught me before I hit the ground.

Jacob set me down and took several steps away. My jaw dropped at the sight before me. He had grown several inches and lots of muscles. I tried to figure out how that was even possible. His hair had been chopped short and he was wearing only a pair of cut off sweat pants. He looked anything but sick.

"What are you doing here, Bella?" His tone was fierce but I did not see any anger in his eyes.

"I missed you, Jake. I wanted to make sure you were okay." My voice was barely more than a whisper and I was surprised that Jacob was able to hear what I said.

"I miss you too, Bells but you can't be here right now." He took a step toward me but then seemed to reconsider his actions and retreated back two more steps.

"I don't understand. What do you mean I can't be here?" I was starting to get angry and there were tears forming in my eyes.

"I can't explain it to you. I just need you to trust me." He reached out his arm but immediately dropped it back to his side. His expression seemed so conflicted. I wanted to run over to him just to feel his presence for a few minutes. I was certain that I could make it through a few more days if I could be near him for just a moment.

"Why can't you?" My words cracked with the tears I was battling.

"I don't know if it's a good idea for you and I to be friends anymore." Those words destroyed me. They were too close to what Edward had said to me all those months ago.

My legs gave out beneath me and I fell to my knees in Jacob's front yard. I wrapped my arms around my abdomen and struggled to keep the pieces together. The sobs ripped from somewhere deep within and I cried out in agony.

I watched Jacob's face contort in confusion. He closed the distance between us in two long strides but stopped a few feet away from me. His hands clenched into tight fists making his knuckles turn white. We heard the door open and Jacob turned toward the person who exited and walked over to us.

"Jacob, is everything okay?" I looked over as the man put his large hand on Jacob's shoulder as if to hold him in place. The face was familiar and after a second I remembered his name: Sam Uley. Jacob had pointed him out a few times but the tone he used when speaking of Sam always made me think Jacob was not fond of him.

"Bella, you should go." Sam was telling me to leave? I felt the anger boiling inside as I stood up and reached for Jacob's hand.

"He's right. You should leave." Jacob pulled his hand out of my reach and turned to walk back into the house but I could not let him.

"Jacob, please don't go. I need you!" I was sobbing uncontrollably now. I could not lose my only hope for survival.

"You need me?" He spat back at me. "You need _me_?" His tone was calmer when he repeated the words and he searched my face as if he were looking for an answer.

"Bella, I can't…trust myself around you right now. I just need some time. Is that too much to ask?" Jacob's eyes were focused on the ground.

How could I deny him time? He had given me so much and I had given nothing in return.

"Of course not." I sighed before adding "I'll leave but I want you to know that you are the best friend I have ever had and I really don't want to lose you." I turned and walked away hoping he would not take long to figure out he needed my friendship too.

One week. Jacob returned to school one week after that night at his house. I kept my distance when I saw him standing in the parking lot before school and stopped myself from running over to him. He glanced in my direction but did not acknowledge me. I went to each class and walked out looking for him after each bell rang.

I halted my steps when I reached my truck after school and found him leaning against it. He smiled that goofy grin of his and held his arms open for me. I ran into him, almost knocking us both to the ground, and hugged him as tightly as I could. He laughed and kissed the top of my head.

"Holy crow, Jake, you're huge." My arms were no longer able to reach all the way around him. He grinned down at me and shrugged his shoulders.

"Can I get a ride home?" He put his arm around me and laughed at my expression. "Did you really think I could stay away from you for long?"

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**A/N:** So, I guess we all know why Jacob disappeared...shhh don't tell Bella.

I'm hoping to have the next chapter up pretty quickly. I've already written it but it needs some polishing. Don't worry...it won't be too much longer before Edward makes an appearance


	4. Inevitable

**Disclaimer:** Mrs. Meyer owns all things Twilight.

**A/N:** Thanks again for reading. Enjoy!

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Two months went by with no relief for my shattered heart. The pain had intensified instead of lessened. I cried myself to sleep every night and dreamed of Edward. Most of my free time was spent watching Jacob in his garage or hanging out with him on the beach. Never alone though, not since the weeks he had been sick. One of his friends was always around. When I asked about it he just shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes. Still, my time with him made life endurable even if only barely. Jacob held my hand or wrapped his arm around my shoulders whenever we were together. Most people assumed we were dating and I didn't care to correct them. Being with Jacob was easy. I didn't have to pretend or put on a happy face for him. He knew I was suffering but he refrained from interfering. Charlie was another matter. He tried to get me to lighten up and enjoy my senior year. I owed him for standing up to Renee's constant barrage of questions regarding my whereabouts. He did not understand why I begged him not to tell Renee where I was but he respected my request. So, I plastered a smile on my face when he was around.

Even though I missed Edward completely, I found solace in my life on the reservation. The scenery was breathtaking and helped mend my broken soul. I was making new friends in spite of my sorry state of mind and I felt like I was accepted by those I met. There was a sense of family amongst everyone in La Push.

Of course, it was too good to last. My bubble burst one stormy Saturday afternoon when I fell in Jacob's garage and my left hand found a nail on the floor. The rusty, yet sharp, spike went into the fleshy skin of my palm and stuck out the other side at an almost perfect 40 degree angle. I tried to convince Billy to let Jacob drive me to the hospital on the reservation but he insisted on calling Charlie. There was no avoiding a trip to the Forks' emergency room once he arrived. I argued with him the whole way there but Charlie just ignored my protests. He even threatened Jacob with preventing him from getting his driver's license if he didn't help get me to the hospital. I was so furious but there was little I could do to fight them with a nail through my hand. The anger turned to tears when we pulled into the parking lot. I knew Carlisle would be adamant about being the one to treat me when he found out I was there and I was sure he would find out. My only chance was that he was not working that day.

"Dr. Cullen!" Charlie's words sent my last hold on hope flying out the doors behind us. He spotted Carlisle as soon as we walked into the waiting room. I tried not to look into those topaz eyes that would be the destruction of every bit of self I had won back over the last three months.

"Bella! Bring her over here Charlie." His concern was palpable but I couldn't trust it.

Jacob picked me up and placed me on a bed while Carlisle pulled the curtain closed around us. I wondered how long I had before Edward would find out I was here. I fought the desire for him to come rushing to my side and the _need _for him to stay away. There was no hope for a future with him. I had come to that realization. He would never let me become a true member of his family and he would not risk being around me while I was human. There was nothing left for him and me. This insight did not help the emptiness left in my chest and seeing Carlisle accentuated the hollow feeling even though Jacob was standing by my side. I secured my right arm around my torso to hold myself together.

Carlisle carefully took my left hand to examine the placement of the large nail. I tried to ignore the temperature of his skin. I looked over to Jacob for support and he squeezed my right shoulder. He was watching Carlisle with a sense of anxiety. Did he fear the same thing I did; that Carlisle would call Edward as soon as he got a chance?

"I'm going to need an X-ray of your hand, Bella. I won't be able to remove the nail until I can ascertain exactly what damage it caused when it went through your hand." He was going to have me wheeled off to radiology and he would have his chance to contact Edward. I looked up into his eyes – those same color eyes- and took a deep breath before I could speak.

"Dr. Cullen, I would really appreciate if you did not let Edward know I'm here." I looked away from his face as soon as my plea was out. Those eyes would be my undoing.

"Of course, you have my word that I will not say anything about this." He left out the obvious fact that Edward would know soon enough anyway.

The technician arrived to take me off to radiology and I closed my eyes in an effort to block out the fear of what the next few hours might bring. After radiology was finished with me, I was wheeled into a private room where I was greeted with a shrill squeal of excitement.

"Oh Bella! How are you feeling? Are you in pain? Did they give you something for the pain yet? Where is Carlisle? He said he would come in as soon as you were released from radiology." Alice did not pause to let me answer her questions but I doubted I would have been able to speak regardless. Seeing her was like a slap in the face. I felt the walls I worked so hard to build tumbling down at the sight of her little form and the concern etched in her eyes. The control I had held onto upon seeing Carlisle was useless against Alice. She was my friend and I missed her almost as much as Edward. This latest accident was going to cost me for months to come.

Jacob and Charlie were escorted into my room by a nurse saving me from Alice's scrutiny. Charlie's face lit up at the sight of Alice hovering over me. Jacob rushed to my side after apparently perceiving the horror I felt. I steeled my expression against the emotions Alice had stirred up and concentrated on Jacob's presence. He held my good hand and glared at Alice. As if sensing this, she turned around and eyed Jacob suspiciously. Her eyes darted from our faces to our hands and back again. I saw the anger begin to rise as she took in how close Jacob was to me. Luckily, the door swung open right at that moment and Carlisle strode in to check up on me. He put the X-ray films against the light board on the wall next to the bed and started explaining what would have to be done to get the nail out of my hand without inflicting further damage to the muscles, tissues, vessels and nerves. I tried to concentrate on what he was saying but I was lost in a sea of uncertainty.

"…surgery is the best option and will give me the opportunity to repair these vessels here while you're under." The word surgery caught my attention. That meant a long stay in the hospital. I would not be able to go home today. I could not retreat to the safety of La Push.

"Is surgery really necessary? Can't you just yank it back out, slap on a Band-Aid, give me a tetanus shot and let me go?" I was pleading again but I didn't care. Edward would come here when he found out I was at the hospital. He would have to see for himself that I was okay. I could not let that happen.

"I'm sorry Bella but surgery is the only option if you want to retain full use of your hand. I'll have a nurse get you set up with an IV and give you some sedatives to help you relax." He turned to my Dad then. "Charlie, can I talk to you outside for a moment?" They walked out the door and I was left alone with Jacob and Alice who were still staring at each other like they were mortal enemies.

"What are you doing here?" Jacob's voice was taut and he spoke through his teeth. It looked like he was holding his breath.

"She's my friend and I'm here for her. What are you doing here you filthy dog?" She spat back just as viciously.

"What is going on here?" I did not understand the animosity between my two friends.

"She shouldn't be here." Jacob squeezed my hand and looked at me.

"_You_ shouldn't be here. Are you insane? You could hurt her." Alice's words confused me even more. How could she even think Jacob could hurt me? He was here holding my hand to comfort me and she was acting like he was the one who might bite me.

"I do not understand what is going on here but I would really appreciate if you two would stop yelling at each other. My head hurts enough without your help." I could no longer suppress the tears and they flowed freely betraying the hurt and anger that welled up inside of me.

Jacob crouched down so that his eyes were level with mine and tried to comfort me. Alice growled at him. I could not believe it. What was she thinking? Did she want Jacob to discover the Cullen's secret? I had given up far too much to let that happen.

"Alice, what are you doing? Why don't you just leave?" The words were out before I thought about what I was saying and I immediately regretted them. Her face fell and she stared at me in shock.

"You heard her you vile bl...creature." Jacob did not seem afraid of her. She had just growled at him and he was stepping toward her in an attempt to force her to leave. My mind could not comprehend what was happening.

"Alice, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." I turned to Jacob and hoped he would give me a chance to explain to Alice why I said what I had. "Jacob, will you please leave us alone for a few minutes?"

Jacob looked at me like I was insane and shook his head.

"You have no idea what you are asking me to do. I will not leave you alone with that." He pointed at Alice and she growled again.

"Bella is in no danger from _me_. I could have killed her at any time over the last year but I didn't. You know we are not a threat to humans." Alice was speaking to Jacob as if he already knew what she was but that could not be right. No one knew what they were. I was the only human privy to that knowledge. Wasn't I?

"I cannot take a chance on that." He retorted. I couldn't take it anymore.

"What the hell is going on here? One of you better start explaining before I scream." My words startled them and they both started talking at the same time.

"Stop! Alice, you go first." I knew Jacob would be upset but I needed to know why Alice was being so open in front of him.

"You know what I am, but do you know what he is?" She looked back at him and the look on his face showed her words affected him.

"Shut up bloodsucker, I'm warning you." What? He knew she was a vampire? This was only getting more baffling.

"Jacob, what is she talking about?" Jacob looked at me like I just killed his puppy. He opened his mouth to say something but the door to my room opened once again and Charlie appeared from the other side.

"Well kiddo, looks like we don't have a choice. You're scheduled for surgery in just a few hours. I'm sorry." He faltered as he looked from one face to the next and took in each of our tortured expressions. "Hey, I don't know what's going on in here but you two better not be upsetting Bella." He glared at Jacob and Alice. I was astonished that he could look at Alice with such disdain. He was so fond of her.

"Dad, I don't care if I can never use my hand again, please just make them pull this dumb thing out so we can get out of here."

All of the fear over Edward showing up here returned and my plea was desperate. The sobs rocked my body and I tried to wrap my arms around myself until I remembered the nail through my left hand. Jacob grabbed my wrists to stop my movement and sat down on the side of my bed.

"Bells you can't mean that." His expression had softened and he was stroking my face with one hand while the other remained secured around my wrists.

"Could you two men please leave so I can talk to Bella?" Alice's tone was soft but commanding. Instead of getting angry, Jacob released me from his grip, bent over to kiss my forehead and followed Charlie out of the room. He stopped next to Alice to whisper something before he closed the door behind him.

"I leave you alone for a few measly months and you manage to do this." She pointed at my injured hand before sitting down at the foot of my bed. "I suppose, knowing you, it could have been much worse."

I just stared at her unable to speak.

"Oh, come on, Bella; don't be mad at me okay?" She was pleading with me, her bottom lip stuck out in a pout. I rolled my eyes at her and tried to repress a smile. I couldn't stay mad at her; after all I was the one who left. "Now tell me how on earth you did this to yourself." She demanded once she realized she was forgiven.

"Didn't you see it? Don't you already know what happened?" I wanted to talk about Edward and Jacob, not about something she had already seen. I had so many questions to ask her.

"No, as a matter of fact I didn't." She crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked at me like that was somehow my fault.

"You can't possibly think I had anything to do with that?" I asked incredulously.

"You can block him from hearing your thoughts. I thought maybe you figured out how to block me too." She was really upset.

"Alice, you know I don't know why he can't hear my thoughts." I refused to say his name. I could feel my control melting away and I was so scared of what would be left of me if I couldn't rebuild some of the walls that were destroyed by the day's events.

She wrapped her arms around me carefully and hugged me. I pressed my face into her shoulder briefly and then pulled away.

"How's Jasper?" I wondered if he had forgiven himself yet.

"He's at the house. He's still pretty distraught with himself but he's coming around. We came home as soon as I realized I couldn't see you anymore. I'm so sorry, Bella. I've been so preoccupied with Jasper that I was ignoring everything else. I didn't even know you were gone until a few hours ago when we got back. I was so worried about you. Then I saw you here getting X-rays and I ran right over." She was holding my hand in one of hers and patting the top of it with her other hand as she spoke. I had so much to say that I had a hard time figuring out where to start.

"I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. When I realized what he was going to do, I just reacted. I couldn't let your family give up their home because of me."

"He is such an idiot. Esme told me about what happened. I guess he thought he was doing the right thing." Alice was shaking her head in disbelief.

"So, you haven't seen him since you got back?" I really wanted to steer this conversation in a different direction but I was hungry for any information I could get about him.

"No, he's hunting and they don't expect him back until late tomorrow."

I sighed in relief at her words. I did not have to worry about him storming through that door or despair over his absence. He did not know I was here.

"Have you been spending a lot of time with that boy?" The disgust she felt toward Jacob was evidenced in her tone.

"Alice, I don't know why you two hate each other but Jacob is my best friend and I would not have survived the last three months if he had not been here for me." I did not attempt to hide the frustration in my voice over her obvious contempt for the one person I could rely on not to abandon me.

"Bella, I swear you have the most amazing ability to put yourself in danger." Her words were true but I had no idea how they applied to Jacob.

"Jake's not dangerous." The idea was ridiculous to me.

Alice smiled at my words and continued to pat my hand.

"Are you going to tell me why you growled at my best friend?" I had spent three months with nothing but questions and I was not going to let her leave without getting some of the answers I craved.

"It's not my place to reveal his secret. As much as I would love to tell you all about your repulsive little friend, I cannot." Her eyes flashed with anger and I remembered how physically powerful Alice was despite her tiny stature.

"That's not a good enough answer but I'll let it go for the moment." I wanted way too much information to argue with her.

"I know but there isn't much I can do about that." She glanced out the window and her eyes glazed over for a few moments. I wondered if she was having a vision.

"You are not going to like that." She looked down at me before continuing. "Have you been living at the reservation?"

I just nodded. No point in trying to keep the secret from Alice.

Her eyes widened and she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket.

"Jasper, I may have figured it out. One of the…ones from La Push was here with Bella. They are…changing again. She's been hiding on the reservation." She seemed to be choosing her words carefully and I felt my anger flaring again. What were they keeping from me? She shut the phone and searched my face for a moment. I realized she could have talked to Jasper so fast that I would not have understood a word she said. So, she wanted me to hear, but why?

"I have to go." She hopped off the bed and gently kissed my cheek before she darted out the door. She was gone before I even realized she was leaving.

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**A/N:** Because of the holiday weekend ahead I don't know exactly when the next chapter will be up but I promise it won't be too long. Here's something a little extra to try to make up for any delay.

Here is the letter Bella wrote to Edward and sent to Renee.

_Edward,_

_I cannot endure the thought of our relationship ending, but here we are with no other option. That night I came home to find you watching TV with Charlie, I saw the decision in your eyes. I know you as well as I know myself, probably better actually. __You were going to leave your home because of me and I could not allow that to happen. A part of me has always known that I would not be able to keep you forever but I wanted to so badly that I lost sight of everything else. __I love you more than mere words can say and, because of that love, I have to walk away from the one place I know in my heart I was always meant to be; by your side. __Please know that I'm not angry with you. __You have suffered more than I could ever imagine. I love you enough to give up my life for you, just as I vowed that first day in the cafeteria. Leaving, even though it is the last thing in the world I want to do, is what is best. I honestly do not know how I will survive without you, but I can't be selfish any longer. You stayed with me because I begged you. I pleaded with you not to leave even though being with me was pure torture for you. Thank you for loving me enough to stay for as long you did. My heart belongs to you now and forever._

_Please do not look for me. I will not attempt to contact you. Letting you have some semblance of a life is the last gift I can give to you._

_Be happy, Edward._

_I love you,_

_Bella_


	5. Landslide

**Disclaimer:** All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer.

A/N: I didn't think I'd get a chance to get this updated so soon but I was motivated by the reviews. Thanks! I hope you like Edwards' cameo in this chapter.

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According to Carlisle, the surgery went really well and he was certain that I would not suffer any permanent damage. His words, however, did nothing to assuage my fears. Edward would be home today with Jasper and Alice who knew I was at the hospital. Would they keep that a secret from him? Even Carlisle would have to go home eventually. I longed for my modest apartment in the sanctuary of La Push. I needed to be out of his reach.

There was also the fact that Alice had not returned after running out last night. I was beyond curious about what she meant when she asked me if I knew what Jacob was. She had used the word human as if it did not apply to him. The pain killers the nurse gave me were starting to take effect. Thinking was getting difficult but I fought against the sleep that threatened to overtake me. I noticed Charlie dozing in a chair in the far corner of my room. I felt my eyes close against my will.

The hospital room was dark when I opened my eyes again. I looked around anxiously for a moment before I remembered exactly where I was and why I was there. The throbbing in my hand helped me recall the last part. I winced as I tried to sit up on the bed.

"Don't try to move." No, not that voice. I pleaded inside my head for this to be a dream. My entire body started shaking. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Are you in pain?" The melodic voice did not go away. I nodded my head without opening my eyes. Maybe I could call the nurse to give me enough medicine to knock me out again.

"I'll let your nurse know."

I heard the sound of the door closing and I could not resist opening my eyes just enough to see if he was gone. I was alone but certain that would not last long. I debated pulling the tubes out of my arm and making a run for it. Sure, I could outrun a vampire. This was bad, very bad.

"Ugh!" I rolled over onto my right side and almost screamed from the pain caused by moving my left hand.

After a few moments a young nurse walked in and asked how I was feeling. I simply grimaced and shut my eyes again.

"I'll assume that means you would like more pain medication." She was pretty and I did not like the thought of him speaking to her but I was grateful for her when the pain started to ease.

"Thank you." I murmured. She patted my shoulder. I heard her footsteps retreat and the door click behind her.

"Bella?" Why was he still here? He had seen that I was still breathing, that I would live. Why did he linger? I refused to let my lids open even though my heart was screaming with the desire to see him. I had gone so long without my light but having it come back only to lose it again was more than I was capable of handling.

I felt him move closer to my bed. The electricity was still there. I wondered if he had ever experienced the power surge between us. Probably not, I guessed. I could smell him and knew he was still moving closer. He was going slowly as if to gauge my reaction as each silent step brought him closer. I closed my eyes tighter. My resistance was faltering. I felt a tear slip through and slide down my cheek. Stupid tear. He would know that he still affected me. I started to panic when he sat on the side of my bed. What was he doing? Why didn't he just leave? I longed for the medication induced slumber that I knew could not be far away.

I suddenly found myself getting angry with him. How dare he show up here? He had planned to leave me. I sacrificed everything so that he did not have to go and all I asked in return was for him to stay away from me. Yet, here he was. He had no right to be here.

"Leave." I did not trust my voice enough to say anything else. The tears were streaming down my cheeks by this time so I buried my face in the pillow. I did not dare look at him.

"Please don't ask me to do that." His voice sounded agitated.

"I'm not asking." My words were muffled by the pillow but I knew he would understand what I said.

"I can't." He almost sounded sad when he said that but I knew better. He was glad to be rid of me. That thought strengthened my resolve.

"Oh, I'm sure you can. Just stand up and walk out the door." I turned my head slightly to make sure the words were clear as I spoke them. I won the hard fought battle to keep my eyes shut and was relieved when I felt consciousness slipping into darkness.

The next time I opened my eyes the room was bright. The curtains were pulled back and sunlight was actually streaming in through the glass. The corners of my mouth turned up slightly as I realized what the sunshine meant. No vampires would be in my room today.

A warm hand caressed my back softly and I turned my head to find Jacob's face. He looked tired. I wondered if he'd gotten any sleep at all in the last few days. I tried to open my mouth to ask but it was so dry I couldn't speak. He poured a glass of ice water and helped me drink. I gulped down every drop and he replenished the empty cup.

"Jake, you look as horrible as I feel." I teased. I wanted to forget everything that had happened since Saturday evening and go back into hiding.

"You look worse than I feel." He smiled his big goofy grin.

I patted the side of the bed and he came to sit next to me. I wrapped my arms around his waist as best I could with the tube in my right hand and the pain in my left. His presence was comforting. He rested his face on my head. I wanted to ask him about the fight with Alice but I didn't want to ruin the moment. I soaked in his warmth and let it fill the emptiness that threatened to consume me once more after hearing that all too familiar voice the night before.

"Bells, I want to tell you the truth but I can't." He said as if reading my thoughts. "I want you to know what Alice meant when she asked you if you know what I am. I can't even tell you how hard it is to keep this secret from you." Tears were flowing down his cheeks. I reached up and touched his face. I was always amazed by how warm he felt.

"Jacob, you can tell me anything." I wanted to take away the pain I saw in his eyes.

"I can't. I want to but I physically cannot tell you. It's impossible to explain. There are…things preventing me from even being able to say it." His body tensed and he pulled away.

"I don't understand." I watched him pace the length of the room.

"Do you remember the day at the beach when I told you the stories about my ancestors?"

"Yes, I remember." I fought the tears the memory brought with it. That was the day he unknowingly told me about the Cullens.

"Just think about what I told you that day. Maybe you can guess."

I stared at him bewildered. He changed the subject.

"They're going to let you out of here today."

"Seriously?" I was smiling at the thought of getting back to the reservation.

"Yep, I think Dr. Cullen wanted to keep you one more day but the doctor here today didn't think that was necessary." Jacob's voice tensed when he talked about Carlisle but I ignored it.

"When can I leave?" I was getting excited.

"The doctor is on his way in now to check you out before he gives the okay." Charlie appeared just in time to hear my question; he walked over to the bed and kissed my forehead lightly. The gesture surprised me but I smiled up at him.

The phone rang and Charlie walked over to answer it. I turned my attention back to Jacob. He was not as relaxed as he usually was and he looked anxious despite his evident exhaustion.

"No, I don't think it's a good idea for you to speak to my daughter." Charlie's voice disrupted my thoughts. "I appreciate you calling to check on her. I assure you she's fine." He hung up the phone and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Charlie, who was that?" Jacob's voice was edgy.

"No one important."

I was glad when the doctor walked in and interrupted Jake's questioning. I had a good feeling who had just called but I did not want to hear him say it.

"Hello, Miss Swan, your latest X-ray looks great. I think you should be good as new in just a few weeks." Dr. Gerandy walked over to examine my hand. He moved it around and asked me to wiggle my fingers. He seemed pleased with what he saw.

"I think it's safe to let you go home this afternoon. I'll have a nurse come in to give you a few prescriptions and instructions for replacing the bandages. We'll need to see you again in one week so we can check your progress." He was writing on my chart while talking.

Charlie thanked him and Dr. Gerandy left. I hoped the sun would stay out for a few more hours to give me time to get out of here.

Three hours later I was camped out on the couch in my apartment. Charlie left only after Jacob promised to stay and keep an eye on me. After Charlie was gone I tried to convince Jacob to go home and get some sleep.

"I can't leave you alone right now." He lounged on the floor in front of the couch and started flipping through the channels on my old TV. He settled on an old western movie. Within a few minutes he started snoring. The movie did not keep my interest and I too fell asleep.

I awoke to what sounded like wolves howling and Jacob jumping up off the floor.

"Oh crap, what time is it?" He looked around until he found the clock on my microwave and swore. "I've got to go. Do you need anything? Do you want me to call Charlie for you?

"No, Jake, I'm fine. Just go." I tried to sound confident but I was scared of him leaving. I really did not want to be alone.

"If you need me just call Billy. He'll be able to get me the message." He kissed my forehead and left.

The tears started right after the door closed behind him. I kept hearing the few words that voice had spoken to me over and over again in my mind. He had been in my hospital room but he didn't fight for me. Waves of anger and grief crashed over me and threatened to devour me yet again. How dare he make me feel this way? What right did he have to destroy my life and my dreams?

I sat up on the couch and rocked back and forth with my head in my hands. Eventually, I was able to stand up and slowly walk to the refrigerator to get a glass of juice. I knew I should eat something but I wasn't hungry.

I prepared a bath and sank into its warmth. I washed my body and my hair with one hand which was difficult. The water was getting cold by the time I finished rinsing my hair. I wrapped a towel around me and headed to the bedroom. I glanced at the clock. It was one o'clock in the morning and I was no where near tired. I retreated back to the kitchen and took two more pain pills. I read until I felt the effects of the medicine and then headed to bed. This nightmare had to have an end. I just had to figure out how to get there.

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I never thought I would stoop so low but - Reviews = quicker updates. :-)


	6. Ignited

**Disclaimer:** S. Meyers owns it all

**A/N:** Whew! This was a difficult chapter to write. As always, thanks for reading.

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Two days later I was back in school explaining the reason for my bandaged hand during each class. I was thankful for my study period for once. I hid in the back of the library and worked on the essay I had to make up for English. Jake was being even more protective of me than usual and his friends seemed to be taking his place when Jacob couldn't be there. I was getting pretty frustrated. I thought Jacob and his friends were overreacting.

"Jake, what's going on? Why are you being so paranoid?" I asked as I drove us home after school.

"The Cullens know where you are now." Was the only explanation he apparently deemed necessary.

"I thought you didn't believe any of that superstitious stuff." His behavior made me wonder if he suddenly believed the stories the tribal elders told about the cold ones. I started thinking about all the stories Jacob had reluctantly told me that day on the beach, about the flood, the wolves…the wolves. Is that the story he wanted me to remember? I didn't get a chance to ponder that thought any longer. We pulled onto my street and were stopped by flashing lights.

Several fire trucks were parked in front of the Clearwaters' home. A policeman walked over to my red Chevy and asked what we were doing there. When I told him I lived over the Clearwater's garage, the officer's expression changed to one of sympathy.

"I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but the Clearwater's garage was destroyed in a fire this afternoon. It doesn't look like there's anything left." The officer helped me as I stumbled out of my truck. I turned to Jake with a look of horror on my face. This could not be happening. He took my hand and pulled me quickly down the road until we were standing in front of the burnt remains of my tiny abode.

My knees gave out but Jacob caught me before I hit the ground. All coherent thought left my brain and I just stared as the firemen worked to extinguish the remnants of the fire. There was nothing left of the place I had called home for the last few months.

Sue walked over to us and put her arm around me. She didn't say anything and the three of us just stood there until the firefighters started packing up their gear. Harry joined us as the fire chief came over to talk to us.

"Looks like someone started the fire. Of course, we can't be sure until we do a full investigation but it looks to me like an accelerant was used. I'm sorry, Harry." He patted Mr. Clearwater's shoulder and walked toward his truck.

"Well, I'm sure glad no one was in there." Sue gave me a quick hug before she and Harry headed over to talk to the people gathered on their lawn.

"Bells, I think we need to talk." Jacob's face was blank. I wondered if an 'I told you so' was coming. He would be able to justify 24 hour security now.

I waved at Charlie when I noticed him arrive. He stopped to talk to Harry before he walked over to meet us and put his arm around me.

"Harry just told me they don't think this fire was an accident. Bells, I know you're going through a lot right now but I'm going to have to put my foot down and demand you move back home. I won't be able to sleep at night if you're not safe at home." He must have forgotten that I was an adult and could do whatever I wanted but I did not want to argue with my Dad. I wanted to go home.

"I think that's a good idea." Jacob looked at me as if he were waiting for me to disagree.

"I guess we might as well head that way now. There is nothing left here for me." I looked back at the charred remains before turning to walk toward my truck. Jacob opened the passenger door for me and I climbed in without a word. I did not have the fight left in me to protest.

Jacob and my Dad left me alone while I sulked upstairs for several hours. Eventually, I started thinking about everything I needed to replace and started to get overwhelmed. I opened my closest to see what I may have left behind. Lying on the floor inside were the scrapbook and camera I had gotten for my birthday. My arms wrapped around my torso at the sight. Next to the scrapbook were the presents given to me by the Cullens. I had forgotten about throwing everything in there the night I decided I had to leave. I pulled all the gifts out of the closet and placed them on my bed. The plane tickets and the CD of Edward's compositions were like a form of torture. I got up and headed downstairs. I needed to go to the store for some necessities and get away from remnants of my past with Edward.

Jacob insisted on accompanying me despite my assurances that I would be fine. I convinced him to put off the talk he wanted to have and he reluctantly agreed to wait. When we got back Jacob settled himself on the couch to watch TV with Charlie and I headed to the bathroom to take a shower.

The warm water soothed my aching muscles. They were tense from the stressful events of the day. I tried to relax and not to think about the one person – or vampire – that had haunted my dreams since my last trip to Phoenix. I remembered her face, her crimson eyes and hair. I had even once imagined I saw her hovering in the water off First Beach. But she was probably long gone and the fire at my apartment was likely some random act of violence.

I dressed in new pajamas and headed to bed. It was still light out but I was exhausted. When I opened my bedroom door I swear my heart stopped beating. There on my bedside table was a new CD player and my lullaby was coming from its speakers. The plane tickets Esme and Carlisle had given me were sitting in front of the stereo. I stopped the music and curled up in a ball on my bed. Why was he doing this to me?

Sometime during the night I gave in and restarted the CD. I wanted to think this was Edward's way of telling me that he still loved me but I could not believe it. I hit repeat so that the songs would continue all night and fell asleep to Edward's music.

The next morning Charlie insisted on taking me to school. He wanted me to go back to Forks High but when I refused he did not push me. Jacob and his friends were relentless and I was not allowed a moment of peace. Leah Clearwater even went as far as to follow me into the bathroom. I was beyond frustrated but too numb to put up much resistance. At least I didn't have to worry about being alone. Time was supposed to heal all wounds but it only made mine worse. Being home was not helping. Christmas was only a few weeks away and Renee was trying to convince me to come to Jacksonville. I was seriously considering it. Maybe getting out of Forks for a few days would help. It certainly couldn't hurt.

Saturday morning I called my Mom to let her know I would come to see her for the holidays. She was so excited and instantly started making plans for my trip. I gladly relinquished control of the details and asked her just to email me the information. My Dad was glad I was going to see Renee but I knew he would be lonely over the holidays without me. Billy promised to keep Charlie entertained but Jacob was furious when I told him I was going.

He practically dragged me to the front yard and yelled at me for an hour about how he couldn't keep me safe if I was 2000 miles away.

"Jacob, I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself." My voice was getting louder with every minute this conversation continued.

"I'm not so sure about that." He was really making me mad.

"What do you mean?" I could feel my face getting warm with anger and knew I was probably turning the shade of a ripe tomato.

"Ugh! Why can't you just figure it out already? Don't you find it odd that Alice hates me? Aren't you curious about what made me change my mind about the Cullens?" He grabbed my arms and started shaking me.

"Jake, you're hurting me!" I thought I heard a growl coming from the woods. Jacob looked over toward the trees and glared before apologizing.

"Oh, man, Bella I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." He backed away from me. "This is just so frustrating. I wish I could tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"What I am! Don't you even care?"

"Of course I care but I don't know what you want me to figure out."

Instead of answering me, Jacob grabbed my arm and pulled me toward my truck.

"Where are we going?" I was completely confused now.

"There has to be a way to figure this out and make you understand why it is not safe for you to go off to Florida by yourself." He drove to La Push and pulled up in front of his house ten minutes later. Jacob asked me to wait on the couch and headed back outside. A few minutes later he returned, sat down next to me and turned on the TV. He had a smug look on his face.

"Now what?" I demanded.

"Now, we wait." He turned his full attention to the television and I knew it was pointless to try to get any more information out of him.

About fifteen minutes later Sam and Paul showed up looking like they had been rolling around in the woods. Jacob again told me to wait inside for him to return. I was debating driving back home when the three boys walked back in the house. Billy came out of his room to greet them. Jacob had a wide grin on his face but it was Sam who sat down next to me.

"Bella, there is something that you need to know. We have been tracking a vampire for the past few months and she seems to be trying to get to you." He sat back to watch my reaction.

"Vampire?" I was too surprised to hear Sam say the word to truly appreciate the rest of what he said. That came a few moments later.

"Yes, I guess there are some things to tell you but, first, we want to know if you have any idea why she's after you."

"She?"

"A red haired female, yes. She showed up here around the same time you moved onto the reservation. At first we thought it was just a coincidence but her scent was all over the Clearwaters' place after the fire. We're pretty sure she started it." His words were not registering in my mind and I'm sure my expression was one of complete confusion.

"Victoria" Her name was out of my mouth before I consciously made the connection.

The nightmares she invoked ran through my mind and I began to sob. Jacob knelt in front of me and tried to alleviate the fear burning its way through me. This was no horrendous dream; this was real.

"You know her?" Sam wanted information. I tried to find my voice.

"Not really. Her mate, James, came after me last year and the Cullens destroyed him. She must be pretty upset about that." I wasn't sure if my words made sense but the others seemed to understand.

"Paul, let the others know and come right back." Sam's tone was authoritative and his demeanor helped calm my nerves somewhat. I was able to focus a little better.

"Jacob, you may tell her our secret." Sam stood up and went outside with Billy right behind him.

Jacob sat there and stared at me as if he was carefully considering what to say.

"I've been waiting for this so long but now I'm afraid to speak. What if you freak out and run away? I can't lose you, Bella." He was staring at me with a horrified look on his face.

I put a hand on each of his shoulders and pulled him closer to me.

"Jacob, you and I will always be friends. Nothing can ever change that." I was beyond curious at this point.

"Promise?" He held both of my hands in one of his and brushed the hair out of my face with the other.

"I promise." I watched a tear make its way down his cheek.

"Ok, you know how I said it had something to do with what I told you on the beach?" I nodded and he continued. "Well, it's a long story but, basically, when vampires started showing up around here many years ago my ancestors turned into wolves in order to protect our people. Wolves are a part of our heritage and I'll explain all that to you one day but right now all you need to know is that the cycle started again when the Cullens moved back to the area. We are well equipped to take out their kind."

"I don't understand." I tried to make sense out of what he was saying.

"We can take on wolf form. That's why I had to stay away from you for those few weeks. When I first stared turning I didn't know what was going on and I couldn't control it. Sam had to explain it to me and, even though it was happening to me, I didn't believe him until he shifted in front of me. The first time I changed, I ran off and it took a day or so for me to even figure out how to phase back. Now, this bloodsucker is trying to get to you and we've been working nonstop to get rid of her."

"So, you turn into a wolf? Like a werewolf?" I could not believe what I was hearing. Was I supposed to accept that I lived in a world where both vampires and werewolves existed? This was just too much.

"Exactly like a werewolf."

I just stared at him. I did not know what else to say.

"Do you want me to show you?" Did I?

"Yes." I would not be able to trust this until I saw it. Although being in love with a vampire should have made me open to believe just about anything, I was still dubious.

Jacob took my hand and led me outside. Billy, Sam, Paul and a few others were standing around outside. They looked at me when we walked out and studied my expression.

"I'm not going to freak out, I promise." I rolled my eyes at the skeptical looks on their faces.

"I want to show her." Jacob was speaking to Sam but Paul responded.

"Are you crazy? You could hurt her." He was angry.

"That's why I want you here to stop me if I do anything stupid. I don't think I could ever hurt her but I will not take that chance. I'm not an idiot." Jacob seemed annoyed.

"Paul you stay here with Bella and Billy, Embry you come with Jacob and me." Sam was walking toward the cover of a group of trees near the Blacks' home, Jacob and Embry followed him.

"This is going to be interesting." Billy had a weird grin on his face.

I heard strange noises coming from the trees and, after a few moments, three of the largest wolves I had ever seen came out where the three boys had just disappeared. The one in the middle caught my eye. He was a beautiful russet color but his eyes were those of my best friend. I watched as they came closer. The middle wolf slowly walked closer to me and Paul stepped between us. The wolf made a noise that sounded like a sigh but stopped. He sat down and turned his head sideways looking straight at me.

"Is that?" I couldn't even finish saying the question. My mind would not process what my eyes were seeing.

"Yep, that's your Jacob." Paul took a step to the side and I got a better look at the creature in front of me.

I put my hand out and he came closer. The wolf rubbed his head against my hand and I couldn't help but laugh. This was definitely my Jacob. My reaction seemed to relax the other two wolves and they came galloping closer. I immediately picked out Embry and it was easy to see Sam in the features of the black wolf on Jacob's left.

"Jake, you're beautiful."


	7. Invisible

**Disclaimer:** SM owns all things Twilight...

**A/N:** This chapter is a little shorter than usual because I had to split it two. I will post the second half soon. Thanks so much to everyone for reading and reviewing.

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I left school early on Tuesday and headed to my appointment at the hospital. This was just a standard follow up visit but I wondered if it could turn into more. Edward continued to leave not too subtle mementos around my room. Yesterday, I found a blue blouse hanging in my closet that looked remarkably similar to the one I wore the day he saved me in Port Angeles. The original had been destroyed in the fire.

A nurse led me into a small examination room and assured me the doctor would be there shortly. About two seconds later the door opened again and Alice glided into the room. She pulled me into a tight hug.

"I have missed you so much! Those foul friends of yours won't leave you alone long enough for me to get to spend anytime with you. I hate it! I don't know how Edward can stand the stench." She was pouting in true Alice fashion.

"I've missed you too." I assured her. "Don't blame Jake though. He didn't come over at all yesterday." Now I was pouting.

"The mongrel may not be in your house but he never leaves you unguarded. I get that they want to protect you but you are safe with us too." Alice crossed her arms over her chest.

Carlisle walked in and greeted me warmly before chastising me for leaving the hospital before he got a chance to check on me again. He was smiling though so I knew he wasn't really upset.

"To be honest, I was just trying to keep you here a little longer. We've all missed you, Bella. Not just Edward."

That name was getting easier to hear. I no longer flinched when someone said it. I liked hearing that he missed me; it gave me hope. His invisible presence over these last couple of days was comforting rather than disturbing.

"Thanks, Carlisle, I've missed you too. How's Esme?" We talked about the rest of the Cullen family while Carlisle thoroughly examined my hand and rewrapped it.

"You should be able to take the bandages off next week as long as you take it easy and try not to use the hand anymore than absolutely necessary." He smiled at me and I hugged him without thinking about it first. He returned the embrace and smiled. "You are still a part of our family, Bella, and we would like very much to see you more often."

Alice walked out to the truck with me and I begged her to spend the rest of the afternoon together.

"Bella, I would love to but you're going to have to call off the dogs."

"Can't you two just get along?" I whined and then laughed at the thought of these epic enemies trying to be friends for one measly little human.

"What's so funny?"

"I was just trying to imagine your family playing baseball with a bunch of werewolves." I couldn't stop laughing even though Alice was scowling at me.

"So, you know what they are and you're still hanging around them?" She was scolding me for my choice in friends. That just brought another round of laughter.

"I'm sorry…are you honestly mad at me for being friends with someone dangerous?"

"Bella, you have no idea how volatile a young werewolf can be. He could get angry and kill you without even meaning to do it."

"Jacob is well aware of the need for caution, I assure you. He won't let himself be alone with me." I did not want Alice to be mad at me or Jacob.

"I can't see you when they are around and that drives me crazy. We've agreed to let them protect you for now because they don't trust us, but I can't stand not knowing what is happening with you. I feel so blind and it gives me a headache."

"What do you mean you can't see me?"

"Apparently, they block me somehow. Like Edward can't hear you, I can't see them." She was obviously frustrated by this.

"Oh. So that's why you didn't see me fall at Jacob's?"

"Yep, and that's why I left in such a hurry last week. I had to find out for sure." She shrugged her shoulders. "Let's go shopping!" I rolled my eyes at her. "Oh, don't tell me you don't need new clothes. I can't imagine you have many choices considering you're wearing the shirt Edward left for you."

I felt my cheeks warm as I realized she knew Edward gave me the shirt. I wrapped my arms around me to hug the fabric closer to me – rather than to hold myself together. I felt stronger than I had in a long time.

"Okay, so I don't have a closet full of clothes." I changed the subject when I remembered our conversation that was cut off by Carlisle's entrance. "But what makes you think Jacob is guarding me?" I hadn't gotten a chance to ask Alice what she meant about the La Push gang, as I liked to call them, being around me all the time.

"Carlisle talked to them right after the fire. We heard it wasn't an accident. When he went to your house to talk to Charlie one of the hounds stopped him. He tried to make Carlisle leave but he refused. They apparently talked about what was best for you and Carlisle consented that, for the time being, the dogs could be the ones looking out for you. He made it clear though that you would be perfectly safe with any of us and made them agree to let that be your decision in the future."

"Why didn't anyone tell me about this? I'm the one in danger but I'm the one left in the dark." I was getting upset that everyone was keeping secrets from me.

"We left it to them to tell you. I'm sorry, you should know everything but some people seem to think you couldn't handle it." She made a face that let me know she was not one of those people and wrapped her arm in mine. "Now, call your canine bodyguard so we can go."

I used Alice's phone to call but Billy said Jacob was out patrolling. I left a message with him that I would be spending the day with Alice so I did not need anyone following me around. Billy surprised me by agreeing that one of the Cullens would be adequate protection for one afternoon.

Alice and I returned to my house with a trunk full of shopping bags. She had insisted on taking Carlisle's Mercedes so that our purchases would not get messed up in the bed of my truck. I had reluctantly allowed Alice to pick out most of the clothes but I had insisted on adding a few things that I knew I would actually wear.

Charlie was happy to see Alice and was adamant that she stay for dinner. I made spaghetti hoping it would be easier for Alice to get rid of later. I smiled at the thought of cooking to make _that_ easier for her. The evening passed much too quickly and I needed to get some sleep. I would have to talk to Jacob about leaving me in Alice's care more often. I needed more girl time. Despite hating to rely on others, I was not stupid enough to think I did not need protection. If Victoria was attempting to get to me, I wanted all the guards I could get.

I headed up to shower and go to bed after saying goodnight to Charlie. The window was open when I walked into my bedroom. I felt my whole body start to shake as I looked around. My first thought was that Victoria was waiting in the corner ready to strike, but there was no one else there. I turned on the CD Alice and Edward had given me for my birthday – as I had every night since the CD player had appeared in my room - and went to close the window. Something sparkling in the moonlight caught my eye. Resting on the window sill was a simple silver charm bracelet with one charm attached. It was an exquisite heart shaped crystal. Underneath the bracelet was a card. With a trembling hand I reached out to grab them. I slipped the bracelet on my wrist and admired it before I opened the card with shaking fingers. His elegant handwriting greeted me.

_My Dearest Bella,_

_You have my heart. You **are** my soul. These past three and half months have made me realize that I cannot exist without you. I was a fool to ever think that I could._

_Please forgive me._

_Love Always,_

_Edward_

I pressed the paper to my chest and cried. I longed to see his face and feel his presence. I curled up on my bed and wondered what he was doing at that exact moment. Was he out there watching me?

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**A/N:** I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Let me know!


	8. Reunion

**Disclaimer:** S. Meyer owns Twilight

**A/N:** Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews! They warm my soul and make Edward make more frequent appearances :-)

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I lay in my bed but could not go to sleep. I craved him. I had to know if he was in the shadows right outside my window. Alice had said the wolves were guarding me and keeping her from me. Did that mean they kept Edward away too? Isn't that what I wanted? But she said he put up with the stench. What did that mean? There were so many questions.

I couldn't sleep.

The wind was blowing against the window.

He might be out there.

I wanted him to be out there.

I got up and walked over to the window. For a long time all I could do was stare at it. Then, I gave up on staying away from him. I slid the window open and whispered his name. If he was out there, he would hear me.

Nothing.

After a few moments I reached up to close the window.

"Wait!" I thought I heard his voice call out from somewhere in the trees.

"Edward?"

"Yes." He appeared in the yard below my window. I hadn't even seen him leave the cover of the woods.

There he stood coated in moonlight. My heart stopped beating as I took in the splendor of the sight before me. My breath caught as I soaked in his presence. I could feel him as if he were standing right next to me. I thought I had just needed to see him. To know that he still existed should have been enough. His close proximity just made me yearn for more.

He stood there unmoving, waiting. I fought to decide what I wanted. Every decision I ever made was centered on what I thought others wanted. He had wanted to stay away to keep me safe. These last few months had proved that I could _live_ without him. Standing there staring at him I realized that this time apart had helped me to figure that out. As much as I loved Edward, I could survive without him. I just didn't want to. My existence was meaningless without him. He made me feel whole, complete.

"I miss you." I barely mouthed the words but he was right in front of me before I even finished speaking them.

"I miss you too." He was so close. His breath was so intoxicating. "Can I come in?"

I just nodded. I did not trust my voice at that moment. I backed up to give him room as he climbed through the window. We stood there staring at each other. I felt the tears begin to trickle down my cheeks and watched his hands curl into tight fists at his sides. He used to do that when he wanted to touch me but did not think he could trust himself not to hurt me. Somehow I knew that this time his restraint was to keep from hurting himself by touching me. Could he be just as scared as I was?

"I thought I was imagining you calling my name. That's why it took me a minute to answer." He leaned toward me slightly.

Slowly, very slowly, I closed the distance between us until we were standing just a few inches apart. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. It had been a long time since we had been this close. He needed time to desensitize – I remembered that and waited. After a few seconds he opened his eyes and smiled. I could only guess why. Had he missed the scent of my blood as much as I had missed the smell of him?

Cautiously, I reached up and put my hand on his chest. He swiftly covered my hand with his own. I gasped at the feeling. The electrical current his touch induced made my knees weak. He started to speak but I shushed him. There would be time to talk about what this meant; to talk about what the future would bring. Being close to him was enough for the moment.

I looked in his eyes to silently communicate to him that I was going to move closer. He nodded and I gradually wrapped my arms around his waist. I rested my head on his chest. He breathed in and out slowly. I wondered how hard it was to be near me.

This was too much. I pulled away from him and backed up until the back of my legs hit the side of the bed. A war ensued inside between my heart and mind. Would he allow me to be a part of his life again? His note indicated he wanted me to forgive him but it had not promised anything. Just because he found it was hard to be apart did not mean he changed his mind about needing to stay away from me for my own wellbeing.

"Bella?" He looked confused as to what he should do. "Bella, I'm sorry. Do you want me to leave?"

The answer to his question eluded me. Did I want him to leave? Could I trust him to stay?

"I want you to go." Without a word he started to walk toward the window. "I want you to stay." He stopped. "I'm so confused." I needed to be honest with him.

"I can understand that." He sat down in the rocking chair in the corner of my room. "I will give you time but I won't leave unless you ask me to do so. You should get some sleep." He started rocking back and forth. "Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Edward." I crawled into bed and quickly fell asleep. His presence still brought me comfort.

When I awoke, my eyes went instantly to the rocking chair. He was right where he had been when I fell asleep. I smiled at the sight of him.

"Good morning, Bella." I loved hearing his voice.

I resisted the urge to run over to him and jump into his arms. We had so much to talk about.

I yawned and sat up never taking my eyes off his face.

"Thank you for staying." I realized how much I needed him to just be there. I longed to know that he wasn't going anywhere – ever.

I grabbed my toiletries bag and some clothes before I headed to the bathroom to get ready for school. I did not ask him to leave.

He was waiting for me when I returned to my room.

"Jacob will be here soon to pick you up for school. He saw me come in last night and he wants to make sure you are okay."

"Will you be here when I get home?"

"If you want me to be, I will." His eyes were intense and black. He should probably spend his afternoon hunting.

"I want, but you need to hunt."

"I can hunt this morning. It will be sunny until late afternoon so I can't go to school anyway." He made no move to leave.

"Oh. Then I guess I'll see you this afternoon." I turned to go but stopped. I had not taken any pain medicine for my hand since yesterday afternoon and it was throbbing. I walked over to my dresser and grabbed the pill bottle. Edward was at my side in an instant with my left hand held close to his lips.

"Tonight, I would like to hear the story about how this happened." He kissed my hand where the bandage stopped just below my knuckles. For a moment all I could do was gape at his lips.

My cheeks warmed and I half ran half fell down the stairs. I grabbed a granola bar for breakfast and headed out the front door just as Jacob was pulling up to the house driving his Volkswagen Rabbit.

"Jake! Wow! The car looks amazing!" I didn't know he had finished it. I hadn't been over to his house since the fire.

"Ew, Bella, you stink. I almost forgot how bad bloodsuckers can smell." He put his hand over his nose and I sniffed my arm trying to figure out what he meant.

"You can smell him on me? I don't smell anything." I was starting to put some of the pieces together. Alice had complained about the aroma of the werewolves. I guessed it made sense for them to have a heightened awareness of one another.

"I suppose it could be worse. After that night he spent in your hospital room, I thought I was going to be sick. It's worse in confined areas. I can almost ignore it when he's around while we're patrolling. But, then, we have the wind to help drive away some of it." He rolled down his window and the cold air shocked me. Jacob wore only a short sleeved t-shirt and seemed comfortable. I was wearing three layers and freezing.

"You knew he was in my room that night?" I tried not to be upset. There was obviously a lot I did not know.

"He and I kind of had to come to some kind of a truce. We both want you to be safe and it's easier if we work together. The others still don't trust the Cullens, and I'm not sure I do either, but Edward would do anything to protect you so I can't hate him too much." Jacob aged about tens years in my eyes as he said those words.

"None of them would ever hurt anyone. They work hard to ensure that. Carlisle is around blood all day and has never tasted it. I think you should take the time to get to know them. You might find out you actually like each other." I tried not to sound like I was lecturing but I had a strong desire for them all to get along.

"Don't push your luck, Swan." He was only slightly agitated.

"Can I ask you about what it's like? I don't want to be rude or anything but there isn't a guide on how to behave around a werewolf." I was half teasing. I really did not want to offend him but I was so curious about his new abilities.

"Bells, you can ask me anything." He was laughing and I was relieved to know I didn't have to choose between my friends – at least not yet.

I bombarded Jacob with questions until we reached the school and then continued throughout lunch and the ride home. He laughed a lot but always answered as honestly as he could. I discovered that the wolves formed a pack with an Alpha, pack leader, who could control them just by giving a command, which was why Jacob could not tell me before about what was happening to him. They could hear each others' thoughts whenever they were in wolf form, which drove them crazy most of the time but was necessary when tracking or attacking. They had to be careful not to get too angry because that could make them phase, they kept their hair short because it kept their coats shorter which was cooler, and they were efficient hunters. I tried to ignore how similar this was to the day after Edward confirmed he was a vampire. We pulled up in front of my house and Jacob walked in with me.

"Do you want to hang out in La Push tomorrow? Sam's fiancée, Emily, wants to meet you and I really miss having you around."

Before I got a chance to answer, Jacob tensed up and snarled. We had just walked through the front door. Edward was standing in the living room crouched to pounce and growled in response.

"Now boys, there will be no fighting in the house." I tried to keep my tone light but I really wished there was a way for my two worlds to come together.

"Sorry, Bells. I wasn't paying attention and he just surprised me." Jacob relaxed. "So, tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I would love to meet Emily." I agreed.

"Do you want me to pick you up in the morning?" Jacob wrapped his arm around my shoulders to hug goodbye. Edward growled but we both ignored him.

"No, thanks though." I thought it was silly for him to drive all the way over here to just drive right back to the reservation.

"Eddie, sorry about scaring you before." Jacob's tone was part teasing, part mocking.

"Oh don't worry, mongrel. You didn't scare me. I was looking forward to putting you in your place."

Jacob laughed as if Edward had told the funniest joke he had ever heard and walked out the door. Edward glared after him. I just shook my head and went into the kitchen. I took out a couple of steaks to marinade for dinner. Edward sat at the table and I fought the desire to forget the past few months and go back to way things had been.

Our relationship had been too idealistic. I knew that now. Edward was not perfect and neither was I. We needed to take the time to genuinely get to know each other. I was sure that even if I knew every detail about him I would only love him more. I wondered if the same would apply to his love for me. I had to find out. I thought it odd that I had never considered the possibility of him leaving just over three months ago when I was willing to give up my life to be with him. I had wanted to become a vampire more than anything else. Not that I would have regretted it if I had been changed but, since I wasn't, I had to go forward with the new knowledge I had. I owed myself the opportunity to change my mind.

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**End Notes:** Thanks so much for reading!!!!


	9. Meteors

**Disclaimer:** S.M. owns all things Twilight - I just like to manipulate her characters a little.

**A/N:** Sorry this one took so long. This chapter is important to the plot but does not have much action. The next chapter will be a whole day of Edward and Bella fun though! Enjoy...

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I followed Jacob from school to Emily's house the next afternoon. I was a little apprehensive about meeting Emily. Leah Clearwater and I were not friends by any means but I was about to spend the afternoon with the reason for her broken heart. Sam and Leah had been high school sweethearts and were deeply in love before Sam became a wolf. He had been the first to change and had no idea what was happening. I could not even imagine how hard that had been for him. He disappeared for over two weeks because he had not known how to phase back.

When he was found, the elders of the Quileute tribe hid him away until he could control himself enough to be around other people. They explained to him what was happening but none of them had actually ever experienced it. Only one of them had even seen a transformation first hand before. Naturally, Sam distanced himself from Leah in order to protect her. Then, when he finally started to feel comfortable around her and their relationship was on the mend, Sam met Leah's cousin, Emily. I still did not understand how Sam could suddenly fall for someone else or how Emily could betray Leah by being with Sam.

Jacob led me into the house with a warning not to stare at Emily. Before I could ask what he meant, Quil and Embry greeted us from across the yard. We walked into the house and all three boys went straight to the kitchen. Standing at the stove, cooking enough food to feed a small army, was a stunning young woman. Her long black hair fell straight down her back. She was shorter than I was and smaller in every way. She looked so delicate. Jacob got her attention and she turned. I had to force myself not to gawk at her and was glad Jacob had warned me even though I wished he would have told me why.

Emily's left side was flawless and beautiful but her right side was scarred beyond repair. She had what looked like large claw marks down the side of her face that trailed along her arm. The smile she gave only effected the left side of her mouth. I kept my composure and greeted Emily when Jacob introduced us. She came over and hugged me gently before returning to the stove. Quil and Embry joined Paul at the table; Jacob stayed at my side with is arm resting on my shoulder. He had gotten taller – six feet five according to his latest boasting - and he had to bow his head to rest it on the top of mine. Even the other members of the pack seemed small compared to him. Only Sam came close to matching Jacob in size.

The rest of the pack started trickling in and greeted Emily with much affection. We ate as soon as the meal was prepared. The boys acted like they hadn't eaten in days but I had watched most of them eat a large lunch at school. Emily smiled as she watched them as if she were watching her children. Sam walked in shortly after the food was served and immediately went to pull Emily into a tight embrace. I focused on the food in front of me and tried not to watch the intimate exchange. In those few moments I saw the love the two shared for each other radiating between them and knew that they belonged together. I could appreciate why being around them was so difficult for Leah. She still loved Sam but I knew by watching this exchange why she felt so defeated. There was no coming between these two.

The afternoon passed quickly and I headed home shortly after dark. I hoped Edward would be waiting for me. Seeing Sam and Emily together had made me long for Edward. I wanted him to feel about me the way Sam obviously felt about Emily. Could he ever love _me_ that completely?

I greeted Charlie and was completely surprised to find Edward sitting in the armchair watching TV with my Dad. I froze. When he looked up, his expression calmed me. The image had been eerily similar to the one the night I realized Edward's plan to leave in order to save me. I really needed to put that behind me. Edward still had a smile on his face when he got up and walked over to me. He put his arms around my waist and asked if I was up to helping Alice with something at the house. I nodded and Edward turned to Charlie.

"Charlie, do you mind if I take Bella to my house for little while?"

Without looking away from the TV he nodded his head. "Just be back by 10:00."

Edward intertwined his fingers with mine and led me out the door. I leaned against him and he wrapped his arms around me. I rested my face on his chest and squeezed him tightly. After several moments I glanced up to see his expression and was stunned, once again, by his physical perfection. Edward and I had not kissed since that day at school over three months ago and I was suddenly aching to feel his lips against mine. I looked away before the urge became too strong. We still had not discussed where our relationship stood and whether was going to stick around. I was waiting to have that conversation until after I got back from Florida.

"What does Alice need help with exactly?" I wasn't sure how I could ever help Alice with anything.

"Nothing. I just wanted to get you alone." He gave me the crooked smile that always made me forget everything else.

"So, if we're not going to your house, where are we going?" I really didn't care. Tonight, I just wanted to enjoy Edward's company and not worry about the future.

"You'll see."

We ended up in the middle of nowhere. Edward pulled over into a small clearing, turned off the headlights and opened the moon roof. He reclined our seats and we admired the stars. I spent more time admiring the Adonis look alike next to me.

"Look up, Bella. The meteor shower is starting. That's why we're out here." He glanced over at me and smiled. I turned my head so that I could see the sky again and was surprised to see what looked like hundreds of shooting stars across the sky.

"Why did we have to come out here to see this?" I wondered why we couldn't be sitting in my room or backyard watching.

"Because the lights from the town pollute the view of the night sky and I wanted to be able to see this clearly." He reached over and wrapped his hand around mine. I was always amazed by how touching him sent shivers through my entire body that had nothing to do with the temperature of his skin.

"It is lovely." I was referring to the meteor shower and the time alone together. We may spend time alone in my room but Charlie's presence was always a factor. Here, we were completely alone. I relished in knowing he wanted this time with me.

"You are lovely." He pulled my hand to his lips and kissed it. "Do you think you will ever be able to forgive me for being too selfish to stay away from you?" He waited for an answer.

I wasn't sure if he was referring to after the first time he met me or to the past few months.

"There is nothing to forgive. I will never regret knowing you, Edward, and I will never stop loving you. I cherish every second I get to spend with you. The first moment I saw you, my life altered in ways I am still only beginning to understand." I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

Edward dropped me off at home shortly before 10:00 and was waiting for me in my room when I made it upstairs. I took a quick shower and hurried to return to him. He was sitting on my bed reading one of the books I always kept on my nightstand. He smiled at me when I came in and placed the book back exactly where he found it. I did not resist the urge to run to him and curl up in his arms this time. My walls were coming down but I refused to consider the possible consequences.

After much debate, it was decided that Jacob would go with me to Jacksonville. Neither the Cullens nor Jacob would let me go alone so Jacob was the most logical choice. Alice saw that it would be sunny the whole week I was there. Edward was sulking about the decision so I agreed to spend all day Saturday with him. My plane did not leave until Sunday afternoon which would give me time to spend with my Dad too before I left.

The last day of school before holiday break was chaotic. Everyone was so excited about the two week vacation from school. I was looking forward to going to Florida and getting away from the freezing temperatures of Forks. The snow and ice just reminded me of the day Tyler almost hit me with his van. I was ready for some sun.

Edward was waiting in the rocking chair when I woke up Saturday morning. I missed waking up to him next to me but I was determined to take things slow this time. We had still needed to talk about what our reunion meant. He always stayed as long as I asked and had not pushed for more than I was ready to give.

I stretched and headed to the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. I ambled back into the bedroom to find out the plans for the day before getting dressed.

Edward's jaw dropped when I walked into my bedroom wearing only a towel. I blushed when I realized this was more of me than he had ever seen. I suddenly felt very exposed. I looked down at my feet and asked about appropriate attire. When Edward did not answer, I glanced up to find him still staring openmouthed at me.

"Would jeans be okay?" I tried to get his attention but failed. I wondered what had him mesmerized. "Edward." I said his name a little louder than I would have liked with Charlie asleep in the next room. He shook his head and smiled sheepishly. Charlie's snores continued uninterrupted.

"Sorry, what did you say?" He seemed dazed which made me laugh.

"I asked what I should wear today because I have no idea what you have planned for us." I repeated.

"Are you willing to let me pick out something for you?" His tone was mischievous and I wondered if he had something particular in mind. I eyed him suspiciously. "Alice was thinking of your shopping trip the other day and I saw a few things that interested me." He was walking toward my closet.

"Oh, really?" This was different.

"Yes. I think this would be appropriate for today." He held out a light green sweater and a pair of dark jeans.

I let out the breath I had been holding and grabbed the clothes from him. Alice had purchased some things that I was down right afraid to wear so I was relieved with his choice. The jeans were tight but not uncomfortable and the sweater was modest with its boat neck collar. I retreated to the bathroom and dressed quickly. When I returned Edward took my hand and led me downstairs for breakfast. Charlie appeared in the kitchen just as I finished eating. He was wearing his fishing attire and eyeing Edward. My Dad was still getting used to having Edward around again.

Charlie had been a bit disgruntled with Edward's reappearance in my life. I had been too convincing with my need to stay away from him and Charlie was confused as to why I would go through so much only to let Edward right back into my life. The explanation was difficult because I couldn't tell my Dad the real reasons behind my decision. He backed off a little, however, once he saw the distance I put between Edward and myself.

Edward pulled up in front of his family's home and opened the car door for me. I was excited about spending the morning with the Cullens. Edward warned me that we would not be there long though because he wanted me to himself for most of the day.

Alice bounded out the front door and met us in the yard. The rest of the family greeted us as soon as we walked in the house. I was surprised to find Rosalie and Emmett there but very happy to see Emmett again. He picked me up and squeezed me into a bear hug. Edward hissed at him to put me down but I just laughed and reassured Edward that I was fine.

Esme and Carlisle were next. Esme hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek. Carlisle did the same. I turned around looking for Jasper and finally spotted him standing on the stairs. I smiled and waved knowing he would keep his distance. I wanted to tell him I was not afraid of him and that I did not blame him for anything that happened. That conversation I knew would have to wait.

The next hour was spent comfortably reconnecting with the family I still longed to join. When Edward indicated it was time to leave, they all made me promise to visit again soon. I readily agreed and even Rosalie gave me a small smile.

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**A/N:** Let me know if you loved or hated this one. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! You all rock :-)


	10. Gala

**Disclaimer:** SM owns Twilight - I just invite the characters to come play with me from time to time...

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Edward was wearing a pair of dark, loose fitting jeans, a light gray v-neck sweater over a black t-shirt and a military style twill jacket. He looked absolutely perfect. As usual, I was completely aware of the dubious stares as others saw me on Edward's arm. I did not have to be able to hear their thoughts to know they did not understand what he saw in me. I so often wondered the very same thing myself. But, he was with me and his eyes never drifted from my face unless utterly necessary, which made me smile.

Edward cocked his head at me questioningly.

"What's so funny?" He really did not have a clue.

"You still can't see the effect you have on people and the complete imbalance of our relationship." I tried to wipe the silly grin off my face but his next statement made that impossible.

"The effect I have on you is the only thing I care about, Bella. And you still do not see yourself clearly." He wrapped me tightly in his arms.

We were walking around Port Angeles but I had no idea exactly where we were headed. The day was going by way too quickly and noon was rapidly approaching. As much as I wanted to see my Mom, I was going to miss Edward. The next seven days were going to be difficult to say the least. I was very much aware of how Edward felt about Jacob getting to be the one to escort me to Florida. I was mildly irritated that I had to have a bodyguard in the first place.

My stomach growled loudly and we stopped walking. I was somewhat frustrated by my human need to eat. I hated wasting the time. Edward just chuckled and led us up a couple of stairs and through a doorway. My mind was too occupied with admiring the light's effect on Edward's bronze hair to realize right away where we were. I heard a feminine voice greet us and looked around. Edward had brought me to the Italian restaurant we, rather I, had eaten in the last time he and I were in Port Angeles together.

Edward used monetary persuasion once again to secure the same booth we had occupied before. I was almost giddy with the emotions this place invoked. We sat across from each other and he seemed too far away. I reached my hand across the table and placed it over Edward's. He flinched a little in surprise but did not move his hand from under mine. I smiled over at him. He was trying; he usually preferred to be the one to initiate physical contact between us.

"You are going to have to find a way to trust me, Edward." I don't know where I found the strength to say that.

"I already trust you."

"No, if you trusted me you wouldn't be so worried about me all the time." I stopped him from interrupting by putting up my hand. "Apart from all the outside dangers, you seem to think that I don't have a clue what is best for me. To be quite honest, it's very annoying." Again, I did not know how the words were making they're way out of my mouth.

He just sat there staring at me for what seemed like several minutes. I was about to speak again when the waitress greeted us and asked for our drink order.

"Two cokes, please." Edward answered for both of us and turned back to me.

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have said that, not today anyway." I did not want to ruin our day together. "Let's just enjoy the day, okay?"

"We will continue this conversation when you get back but I agree that we should let it go for today." He smiled but the strained look remained on his face.

The waitress returned with our drinks. Edward ordered the same meal as I did and I wondered how far he would take the charade in order to keep the over attentive waitress from wondering about his unique appearance. She was obviously very aware of Edward's every move. I tried not to let her special treatment of him interfere with our lunch together.

"What are we doing after lunch?" I wanted to keep Edward from over thinking my earlier statements and attempted to distract him.

"That, my dear, you will just have to wait to find out." He smiled his amazingly attractive crooked grin and I almost forgot what we were talking about.

Our food arrived a few minutes later and the waitress left only after she made sure Edward did not need _anything_ else. I rolled my eyes at her back and Edward chuckled.

"She doesn't like you much either." He seemed amused by whatever the waitress was thinking.

"Thanks for letting me know." I vicariously stabbed one of the raviolis on my plate and shoved it in my mouth. Edward took a small bite of the food in front of him and was able to keep from grimacing as he quickly swallowed it.

We continued eating and I ate more of Edward's food than of my own. I kept stealing bites when the waitress wasn't looking. I figured she would think less of my full plate than of his and I was right. She cleared his empty dish without even a glance in my direction and asked Edward if he wanted dessert. He looked at me and I shook my head.

"Just the check, please." Edward flashed a smile at her that was probably meant to frighten her a little. He seemed disappointed when she just smiled back and lingered a bit too long. I cleared my throat to get her attention and she walked away after casting a nasty look in my direction.

"You really shouldn't dazzle people like that." I laughed at the reference to our first time here. Edward smiled at that and relaxed some. He was getting past our conversation from before and started to enjoy himself again.

We drove back toward Forks and down a street that I had not been on in several months. I eyed Edward skeptically. The cold weather was not conducive to spending any amount of time outside.

"Don't worry." He wanted me to trust him so I hopped out of the car and held out my arms to him. There was no way I was hiking the five or so miles to the meadow.

I remembered to close my eyes as Edward ran. The wind was freezing as it whipped by so I buried my head into Edward's back and covered my face with my arm. Sooner than I expected we were there. The snow from the morning was covering the ground and the small pond was iced over creating a most beautiful winter scene.

"Wow, it's breathtaking." As I spoke, Edward wrapped something warm around my shoulders. I hadn't even realized he had been carrying anything besides me. He quickly ran around the edges of the meadow and had a small fire pit built within a matter of seconds. I stood watching his impossibly fast movements while he worked at getting a flame started. I wondered if he brought the stones he used here earlier because they looked too perfect to be lying around in the woods.

Once the fire was going, Edward returned to where I was waiting and led me over to a mound of stones stacked to form a makeshift bench. He placed another blanket over the seat and gestured for me to sit down. I was surprised how warm I felt sitting in the snow covered clearing.

A few hours after arriving, we packed up to leave. I was starting to shiver despite the fire so I was not terribly reluctant to go somewhere warmer. Edward carefully put out the fire and covered it with sand and more stones. I was pretty sure the hard, cold ground was safe from reigniting but he meticulously made sure the flames were completely extinguished before we left.

I did not pay attention as we drove away from the woods that surrounded the meadow and was very taken aback when we pulled into the Cullens' driveway for the second time that day.

"I thought we were spending the rest of the day alone." I tried to hide my displeasure but was sure I did not do a very good job.

"We won't be here too long, I promise." He pulled my hand to his lips and the tiny bit of anger washed away with his kiss. "But, I'm afraid the next part of our day requires us to be apart briefly."

Before I could be too upset by his words, Alice appeared at the bottom of the staircase practically overflowing with energy. She raced over to me and tugged my arm to pull me toward the stairs. I looked questioningly at Edward.

"She assured me she would only need an hour to get you ready. I refuse to be away from you for any longer than that." He peered over at Alice as he said this.

"Don't worry, I'll have her back to you within an hour." Her voice took on a whining quality and I knew from experience the next hour was going to be a long one.

Alice virtually carried me up the steps and into her room. My worst fears were confirmed when she sat me down on a stool in her large bathroom. I crossed my arms over my chest and bit down on my bottom lip. This was not going to be pleasant.

Without a word, Alice went to work on my face but applied only a minimal amount of makeup. She then started with my hair. This took longer because she curled each section before pinning a few on top of my head. She was finished with both after only forty-five minutes which was a record.

"I'll be right back with your dress." She hadn't said much, I assumed she had been concentrating too hard so she could finish quickly, but she had now said too much. She reappeared seconds later with a garment bag in hand.

"Alice, why do I have to wear a dress?" I tried to mimic Alice when she whined enough to get her way but immediately realized it would not work.

"Don't use that tone with me! I promised Edward you would be the most captivating creature there and I will not break that promise. Now, here, put this on so I can return you to him before he comes banging on the door." She handed me the bag and placed her hands on her hips. The conversation was over.

I turned and closed the door to change. I usually didn't bother with Alice but I was pouting. The dress was quite formal but very tasteful. I wondered where Edward planned on taking me and became a little anxious. Dresses usually meant dancing and, despite Edward's amazing ability to lead, the thought of dancing made my stomach turn.

I slipped into the dress and turned to look in the mirror. Alice had done an amazing job applying my makeup and my hair was lovely. The royal blue dress was simple with an empire waist and ribbon trim. The skirt fell to the floor but I was sure Alice had a pair of high heeled shoes waiting that would make the length perfect. She was holding the shoes out to me when I opened the door.

"We have less than two minutes to get you finished." She helped me into the high heeled menaces and turned me back toward the mirror. I stumbled slightly due to the footwear and sighed. Luckily, I was certain that Edward knew what he was doing and would keep me from falling all over the place.

Alice insisted that I walk down the stairs on my own so I took my time to make sure I didn't trip. Of course, I was sure one of the vampires in the house would catch me before I could hurt myself too severally if I fell. I did not look up until I stepped away from the last stair.

Edward held out his hand and I placed my hand in his. I looked up at him and felt my heart thump against my chest. He was wearing an elegant black suit with a matching tie. His shirt was crisp and white and he looked incredible. Somehow, somewhere I must have done something right to get to be here with him. I pushed back the thought that questioned how long this could possibly last.

"You are so beautiful, Bella." His words brought the all too familiar warmth to my face and he reached out to cup my cheeks in his hands.

My body stiffened and he let his hands drop. Before he could hide his emotions an expression of regret passed over his features. I despised hurting Edward but I was not ready to let him kiss me again. Not yet.

The light music wafted across the grounds as we stepped out of Edward's Aston Martin and walked toward the lovely building in front of us. Other couples made their way inside but we lingered outside. I tilted my head to the stars and sighed. Edward's arm was around me instantly and his voice was in my ear.

"Is everything okay?" His concern was etched across his face. The answer should have been so easy, but it wasn't. Instead of trying to lie to him, I just smiled and kissed his cheek. I lingered with my lips on his skin. The electricity between us was undeniable. We should be together. So, why did I feel so out of place?

Edward placed his hand on the small of my back and led us inside. The entire hall was decorated with pink roses and ribbons.

"Edward, why exactly are we here?" The scene before was right out of a magazine featuring the lives of the rich and famous.

"This is a charity event for the new cancer wing of the hospital. The main contributors decided to throw a lavish gala to encourage others to join the cause." He shrugged his shoulders and continued to walk forward.

"So, money they could have dumped into the hospital is being wasted on a fun evening so other rich people can show how generous they are by attending and donating to the cause?" I tried not to show how extremely hypocritical this all appeared.

"Well, when you put it that way it does all seem a bit ridiculous." His tone was sour and I immediately wished I could take back the words. He had been so excited about this evening.

"I'm glad you brought me here, Edward." I wrapped my arms around him and leaned my cheek against his chest.

Nothing felt right. I was with Edward, where I had longed to be since the day I first saw him. But I did not belong here. This knowledge coursed through my veins and made my stomach coil. He was so self-absorbed. He thought only of his love for me and not about my love of him. Maybe waiting until I got back to talk about what I was feeling was best but the dread of the conversation that could inevitably end the reason my heart beat was torturous.

I plastered a smile on my face and looked up at Edward's perfectly chiseled features. The tension between us was palpable. I wanted to feel the way I did four months ago before my stupid birthday party.

"I don't suppose you would be willing to share a dance with me?" He stared at me as if trying to communicate his hope for my consent with a look.

"I would be honored." I smiled at the surprised expression on his face and let him lead me out to the dance floor. I was determined to live the fairytale for one night. I would deal with the pumpkins later.

Edward held me tightly in his arms as we danced. I was mesmerized by the feeling of gracefulness that came with being in his capable arms. He led and I followed. The hand resting on my lower back would guide me to the next movement with ease. The world stopped as I gazed into his eyes and saw the fire behind them. He loved me. I no longer doubted his adoration. I just wished it was enough.

The floor cleared when the song ended and I spotted familiar faces in the crowd. I smiled warmly at Esme and Carlisle as they approached us. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett were right behind them. For the remainder of the evening, I pretended be a part of this amazing family.

As I curled up in bed that night, I thought about how my life would be if the Cullens were exactly as they appeared to everyone else. There were no werewolves or vampires in this fantasy. I was just a girl in love with a boy. And we lived happily ever after…

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**A/N:** Thank you so much for reading my lastest update. I hope you enjoyed your time here.


	11. Sunlight

**Disclaimer:** All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** Sorry for the delayed update! We went to Disney World :-)

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I boarded the plane with a heavy heart. As if sensing my mood, Jacob intertwined his fingers with mine and held my hand as we made our way to our seats. He did not let go even to put our luggage in the overheard compartment. I snuggled into his side once we were seated and rested my head on his shoulder. I traced patterns on his arm and wondered if anyone noticed the fact he was sans jacket and wearing a short sleeved shirt when it was freezing outside. No one looked twice; they probably assumed he was dressed for our destination rather than our departure locale.

His dark russet skin almost sparkled in the light coming in from the window beside me. Jacob had taken the isle seat and given me the seat next to the window. I tried to talk him into switching seats since he had never flown but he refused. The plane taxied to the runway and I felt his body tense at my side. I gave him a reassuring squeeze and he smiled down at me. His teeth gleamed against his dark skin. The aircraft sped down the tarmac and took off smoothly. I hoped we would not run into any turbulence. Jacob was with me as a favor and I wanted him to enjoy his first trip out of Washington. I closed my eyes once I felt the plane leveling out, reaching its desired altitude.

Jacob's voice woke me when our food arrived. I glanced at the tray in front of me and frowned. Maybe I could wait until we reached Jacksonville. My stomach gave a rumbling protest so I grudgingly tasted the food on my plate. I glanced at Jacob's tray; it was already empty and he was looking at my food with longing in his eyes. I took a few more bites and slid the rest over to him. He ate it greedily.

"Thanks." He said with his mouth full.

"How can you eat that stuff?" I wondered out loud.

"I'm so hungry that the taste doesn't even matter." I rolled my eyes at him. Jacob was always hungry.

Once we were finished eating Jacob began to ask me questions about growing up in Phoenix. We had talked about my childhood before but never in so much detail. He wanted to know what my room looked like, what my favorite memory was, what my summers with Charlie were like, and everything else he could think to ask about. I was getting extremely self-conscious talking about myself so much and tried to turn the conversation toward him. Jacob never hesitated to chat about himself. He was so honest, open and confident. I envied that about him. He finally decided he had drilled me enough and pulled me back to his side so he could rest his head on mine. I was vaguely aware of his soft snoring coming from above. I nestled into his warmth and quickly drifted off to sleep.

The plane landed with a heavy thud and jolted us awake. Jacob looked wild-eyed for a moment before calming. He protectively wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we disembarked and walked through the crowded airport, his eyes constantly darting in every direction. I heard my Mom call out my name and started looking around for her. Jacob's body tensed but I gave him a reassuring pat on his arm and ran over to my Mom. She hugged me tightly before scrutinizing every detail before her.

"You're too thin." She finally concluded.

Jacob cleared his throat and I motioned him forward to introduce him to Renee and Phil. My Mom appraised him thoroughly and seemed a little intimidated by his size. I laughed at the thought of anyone being apprehensive around Jacob. Then he smiled and my Mom relaxed. We walked to the car while Renee interrogated me regarding every single thing that happened since the last time we spoke. Jacob was still on high alert but no one seemed to notice except me.

By the time we reached the house, it was late and Phil immediately retired because he had to get up early for work the next morning. Renee made sure we had everything we needed for the night and joined him. I was suddenly very aware of the fact that Jacob and I were alone. Of course, this should not have bothered me. It wasn't anything new. The difference was only that he would also be sleeping under the same roof. So, why was I fidgeting?

I excused myself to get ready for bed and escaped into the tiny bedroom my Mom had prepared for me. She had decorated using varying shades of yellow. I changed quickly and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth before returning to the living room. Jacob was wrestling with the sofa bed and I could not stifle my laughter. Big, strong Jacob was being defeated by a piece of furniture.

"Let me help you with that macho man." I teased. He stepped aside and motioned for me to give it a try. He seemed so confident that I would not succeed where he had failed.

The bed pulled out easily enough and I had it set up in a matter of seconds. I turned to give a triumphant smile and was surprised to find Jacob standing right behind me. I lost my balance and he reached out an arm to keep me from falling. Before I realized what he was doing, Jacob wrapped both arms around me and pulled me into him.

"I was so nervous the whole way here. I can't tell you how relieved I am that we're here and you're safe." He squeezed me closer and I returned the embrace. He had been worried that something would happen during our trip. I wished he had confided in me.

"Jacob, I can't tell you how much I appreciate everything you have done for me. I really don't deserve you." I stretched up on my tip-toes to kiss his cheek.

He laughed and pulled me off the ground in an even tighter embrace. We worked together to put the sheets on the mattress and sat down to watch TV for a little while. The day had been stressful for both of us and we needed time to unwind before either of us would be able to sleep. Jacob's tension began to ease and his muscles relaxed which helped mine to do the same. I felt safe with Jacob and knew he would do anything necessary to protect me from harm. I also trusted him completely.

"Thanks for being here, Jacob." I knew I would never be able to thank him enough.

"Bells, you are the most important thing in my life right now. I belong wherever you are." He put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him.

"Jake, do you think Victoria is ever going to give up on getting to me?" I was terrified of her but I was also tired of that fear. I hated feeling so vulnerable and I hated the constant nightmares about what could happen if she got what she desired most.

"Not until she's dead." He was being honest even though the truth was not what I wanted to hear. He would lay down his life for mine but he would never lie or keep something from me because he thought it was best. That was the difference between him and Edward.

He was also completely confident that she would die before he would let her hurt me. I snuggled into his side and turned my attention back to the television. The next few days were supposed to be about spending time with my Mom and I was determined to wipe everything else from my mind. I would face the horrors when we returned to Forks next week.

The next morning I snuck into the kitchen and started making breakfast for Renee and Jacob. I would let them sleep until it was ready. I scrambled eggs, cooked bacon, and baked biscuits for them to enjoy. When the food was almost ready I started a pot of coffee and set the table. A few minutes later a groggy-eyed Jacob came in sniffing the air happily. I had forgotten Renee was a morning person until she came bounding into the kitchen with a huge grin on her face. I watched Jacob glance at her in confusion. He obviously was not happy with her energetic greeting to the day.

My Mom watched in fascination as Jacob consumed more than his fair share of food. I made a mental note to go by the grocery store to restock the kitchen before we left. I had grown accustomed to his healthy appetite but I hoped Renee did not think too much about it. She could be way too observant sometimes.

We decided to head down to St. Augustine for the afternoon. The sun was bright and the temperature was holding steady in the mid 60's. I cherished the feeling of the rays on my face and soaked it into my memory. We visited several points of interest including the Cathedral and the Fountain of Youth. I tried in vain to share my Mom's enthusiasm. All I could think about was how much I wished Edward could be here with us. Despite my Mom's presence, I allowed Jacob to hold my hand most of the day. I needed the comfort of his touch.

"So, you and Jacob seem close." Renee was helping me with dinner and drilling me for information about my life in Forks. She missed being the center of my life and knowing everything.

"He's my best friend, mom, you know that."

"Friends don't usually go around holding hands all the time." She cooed. She liked Jacob. I could feel the color rise to my cheeks.

"Mom" I moaned, "Jacob and I are just friends." I really did not want to talk about my relationships with her.

"Does _he_ know that?" She struck a nerve.

"I think so." I was not completely sure about that one. Jacob knew I was in love with Edward. He was the only person I had opened up to about my reasons for moving to the reservation. But, he took every opportunity to touch me. He was very affectionate. I enjoyed having him around and I never felt embarrassed or uncomfortable with Jacob's physical contact.

Renee gave me a knowing look before going into the living room to see what the guys were up to. I took a little longer than necessary to finish dinner. My Mom had opened the gates to a topic I had tried to ignore. Did Jacob care for me beyond the bonds of friendship?

We crowded around the small table in Renee and Phil's kitchen to eat. Phil and Jacob were getting along exceptionally well. I liked listening to the two of them talk about their common interests – mostly cars. More than once though I reflected about how much I wanted Edward to have a place in my family as well. Jacob could easily hide his extraordinary talents. He would age less quickly than most people but he could control that aspect of his life and he could mature. He could successfully fit into the human world without constant fear of detection. He was free to be his true self around most of his friends and family. He could father children and grow old with the person he loved. For the first time since learning about the supernatural world, I despised everything it represented. I wanted Edward to be by my side, to marry him, to love him even as his hair turned gray and his teeth fell out. That was not going to happen.

Jacob led the way out the front door the next evening after dinner. He insisted he wanted to go for a walk to stretch his legs. I knew he was restless from not being able to change into his wolf form and run through the woods for the last two days. I was sure he missed the exercise and release that came from his daily patrols. I wondered if a part of him also missed the risk involved. He seemed to crave a fight sometimes. Maybe he just wanted to get Victoria out of our lives for good.

We watched the sunset over the water of Front Beach in silence. I relished the time alone with Jacob. He was just there. He didn't have to say anything and he did not judge me. I was perfectly content until my Mom's words from the day before flooded my mind. Before I could contemplate this train of thought any longer I felt Jake's body stiffen next to me.

I looked over to find his face twisted in an expression of anger mixed with terror. My eyes darted around us trying to find the source of his sudden change but I did not hear or see anything out of the ordinary. I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong but he put his hand up to stop me. He hand then went to his lips and his gesture told me to be quiet. I anxiously watched as he slowly turned his head as if searching for something.

That's when I heard laughter. Feminine, musical laughter. I had heard the noise only once before in real life but I immediately recognized it. The sound had filled my nightmares almost every night for months now. I did not have to see the blazing red hair or hear her actually speak to know the reason for Jacob's fear and rage. We were alone on a dark street hundreds of miles from the protection of the pack and the Cullens.

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**A/N:** This story is about to get very interesting (I hope)! Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter. I hope to have the next one up soon. It's proving to be a difficult one to write but I'm working on it as so I can get it to you as quickly as possible.


	12. Encounter

**Disclaimer:** SM owns it, I just like to bend her characters to my will.

**Notes:** This chapter was extremely difficult for some reason. It's a little longer than most so I hope that makes up for the cliff hanger at the end of the last chapter!

As always, thank you so much for reading.

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I felt the tremors shoot through his body and I recoiled from what I knew was about to happen. Jacob, my Jacob, was about to turn into a monster of destruction. Emily's scarred face flashed before me and I was terrified. I heard the fabric of his clothes begin to rip away from his changing form. His hand reached around and shoved me behind him before claws replaced his fingers. I knew then that he was in control of what was happening and my fear focused completely on the laughter that was slowly getting louder.

The ruby hair was visible before any other part of her indicated how close she was to us. Jacob kept his protective stance in front of me and I watched as his head darted swiftly in every direction. He was planning his attack. I looked around frantically to make sure there were no witnesses. As much as I longed for help, I feared more for what would happen to my best friend if anyone discovered his ability to transform into the humongous wolf crouched in front of me. The beach was deserted. The only sound other than the growls coming from deep withing Jacob's chest was the noise of the waves crashing against the shore.

The two enemies danced around one another in a twisted waltz; each one sizing up the potential of the other. Victoria continued to laugh every now and then when she seemed to feel like she had an advantage over Jacob. I stood rooted in place, unable to move a muscle. I knew if I could make my feet go and run toward home the distraction would probably give Jacob his chance to attack. But I just could not budge. I was frozen in place by fear; not only for myself but for my friend. As the fight intensified I could only catch glimpses of russet and red. There was no contact for the longest time. Both of them anticipated the moves of the other and they continued to circle. Jacob never let her get close to me and she grew furious with her incessant failures. The few times she stopped, her eyes were trained on me and I could feel her stare penetrating into my very soul. I had never been more afraid. Not even when I stood in front of James knowing he was going to kill me. Victoria did not just want me dead, she wanted revenge.

Suddenly, they collided and I watched as their bodies bounced away from the impact. The noise was louder than thunder. Lights of nearby homes started to flicker on while the inhabitants investigated the source of the disturbance. Victoria hissed and turned to run. Jacob howled and pursued her as she headed toward Huguenot Park. I was left standing there in the shadows of the night, alone.

I watched as strangers tentatively stepped onto their porches and gazed into the darkness. The reasons for the commotion were long gone but I was still stuck to the ground. My thoughts were filled with concern over whether or not Jacob would return to me. I worried that Victoria might hurt him and leave him lying somewhere to die. The tears began to pour down my face and my knees began to shake. Once most of the curious onlookers had realized there was nothing to see and ventured back into their homes, the ability to be in motion finally returned to me. I rushed back to my Mom's house and ran inside. She and Phil were watching television but all attention immediately turned to me once they took in the horrid expression on my face.

"Bella, what on earth is wrong?" Renee's troubled voice barely registered in my mind. I was frantically searching for the phone.

"Jacob and I kind of got into a fight. He ran off and I need to find him." Although I left out the details my words were not necessarily lies so I was able to sound convincing. I located the cordless phone on the kitchen table and darted back outside calling over my shoulder that I would be back soon.

Once outside I stared at the number pad on the phone. Who could I call? I could call Sam but he was so far away and by the time any of the pack members got here it would be too late. The Cullens could probably travel a little faster but not much. They were also too far away to be of assistance. I took off running in the direction Jacob had pursued Victoria knowing there was no one and nothing that could possibly help me in time. Willing my legs to keep going I ran past the point of collapse. My energy had faded miles behind me. Yet, I could not stop. If I did, I knew I may never see Jacob again and that was not something I was prepared to live through.

Finally, I came to the edge of a lake and there he sat staring at the water. He had phased back into his human form and was completely naked but he did not seem to care. He didn't even realize I was there until I put my jacket around him.

"She got away, Bells. I'm so sorry." His anguish was almost unbearable. He thought of himself as my protector and he believed he failed me.

"Jacob, you saved me. If you had not been here, I would be dead. She would have tortured and killed me. You kept that from happening." I did not want to think about the future and the constant worry that was sure to follow tonight's events. Talking about her inevitable return would not help Jacob feel better.

"I failed." His head fell to his knees and his body began to quake with sobs.

"You succeeded in protecting me, Jacob. You did not fail." I needed him to see how grateful I was for what he had done. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his shoulder. My body was still shaking from seeing Victoria so close to getting what she desired.

"I'm so sorry, Bells." He just kept apologizing over and over in a whisper while rocking back and forth on the ground. I could only sit there with him and try to comfort him.

Eventually, I knew, we would have to go back to Renee's and figure out a way to sneak him there without being seen. I could not even imagine what my Mom would think if she saw him before I got a chance to get him some clothes. Slowly, his body became still and his eyes focused on me. I put my hands on each side of his face and looked at him. He looked so fragile in that moment. I had not seen him as a kid for several months but I was suddenly reminded of his young age. He had endured so much as of late.

"Jacob? Are you okay?" He had thought himself so ready and capable of confronting a vampire. Victoria had gotten close to La Push a couple of times but there had always been another member of the pack there with him and she had never dared to get that close before. I was worried about him and hoped he wasn't going into shock or something. His expression gave no indication that he had even heard my question. I shook his shoulders gently.

"Bells?" His gaze finally met mine.

"I'm here, Jake."

"She'll be back for you. I think I can take her but it would easier if you weren't around. I was so worried about your safety that I couldn't concentrate completely." He was still trying to justify letting her get away.

"Jake, you were amazing. I can't believe how well you handled her. She hardly even tried because she realized right away that she did not stand a chance against you." I was trying to fuel his ego to help calm him down. He smiled slightly at my words.

"I'm not saying I couldn't kill that bloodsucker, I'm just saying it would be better if you were not in harm's way. I would have to worry about you doing something stupid trying to help me." He knew me too well. I really had contemplated ways of distracting her during their brief battle.

"I can't just sit there and watch you fight like that." I glanced over and he was giving me a knowing look.

"What am I going to do with you, Bells?" He was smiling now. I sighed in relief. The last thing I needed was a brooding werewolf.

"Let's figure out a way to get you back to the house." I helped him up and he told me turn around. He handed me my jacket when my back was to him. I felt something wet on the back of my arm and turned to find him standing there in his wolf form. The few times I had seen him like this had been brief and I had never had time to truly see him. He was beautiful. My hand reached out for him and he came closer to assure me it was okay. He was softer than I expected. As awkward as it was, I rode on his back through the shadows of the night until we reached Renee and Phil's home. I instructed him to hide while I went inside the house to assure my Mom that everything was fine. I knew she would not go to bed until I had returned.

"Where's Jacob? I feel responsible for him while he's here and I need to know that he's okay." Her taking a motherly role was still new to me.

"He's sitting outside and he's fine. We just have never fought before so it was a little scary for both of us." That was another half-truth and I tried my best to sound convincing.

"I'm sure it won't be your last. Don't let him sulk out there for too long. I have big plans for us tomorrow and you two need your rest." She kissed my forehead before heading to her room.

I gathered up a t-shirt and shorts for Jacob and met him outside. He changed back to his human form and dressed quickly in the cover of darkness. I herded him back inside and went to the kitchen to get him something to eat. The urge to take care of him was almost overwhelming. He smiled appreciatively when I returned to the living room with an armful of food. We flipped through the channels on the TV for a little while before I admitted to myself that I was stalling. Going to bed meant being alone. Jacob wrapped his arm around me as if he had heard my thoughts.

"How bad would it be if you stayed out here tonight?" His voice quivered with emotion and I was certain he was as worried about solitude as I was. He turned off the television and laid back on the sofa bed. I curled up next to him and let him drape his arm over me. The evening's events had exhausted me both physically and mentally so I was surprised by how relaxed I felt. The sound of Jacob's heavy breathing helped lure me to sleep.

The sun filtered through the window and woke me from my heavy slumber. I padded to the kitchen to start making breakfast even though it was still very early. Jacob joined me after only a few minutes.

"I couldn't sleep once you got up." He offered as his excuse for waking so soon and shrugged his shoulders. I handed him a couple of pieces of toast with butter and he ate greedily. A smile spread across my face as I watched him before I turned to finish making the rest of the meal.

"I guess we have to tell the pack and the Cullens about our adventures last night, huh?" I knew there was no way to keep it from them but I didn't want them to feel like they had to rush here and protect me. I was also worried that Edward would insist that I return to Forks immediately. I still had three days left in Florida and I was not about to give up the opportunity to spend the time with my Mom. Victoria's visit the previous night had reminded me of my fragile mortality. I was determined to cherish the time I had just in case.

"I'll call Sam later. There isn't much he can do from La Push. I'll leave telling the bloodsuckers to you." I threw the spoon I was holding at him before I could stop myself.

"Jake" I hissed his name. "You know I hate when you call them that."

He just smirked at me and continued to eat his toast. I glared at him from across the room and grabbed a spatula so I could finish scrambling the eggs before they burned. He reached over and picked the spoon I had hurled at him off the floor.

"At least you didn't try to hit me. You would have just broken your hand." He laughed as he held up the spoon to show its bent handle. If I had been next to him I probably would have done just that and we would be on our way to the emergency room.

Renee came out of her room right as the coffee was finished brewing. She was already dressed and I remembered her statement about having a big day planned for us. Phil joined us a few minutes later, ate quickly and headed out the door. He had a lot of training to get through today but promised he would join us for dinner. My Mom had explained to me that he was working hard during the off season to improve his skills. He still wanted his chance to play in the major league. I worked to keep the smile off my face. Phil's inability to give up his dream was almost endearing.

True to her word, my Mom kept us busy all day. Our morning started on a boat with Renee trying to convince me to give parasailing a try. I agreed only after Jacob consented to ride with me. The view was amazing and we even spotted a few northern right whales. After that we strolled down the beach collecting unique seashells for my Mom's collection. We ended our day walking through the downtown area. Phil met us for dinner at one of the local restaurants and drove us home. Because of the bright sunshine I was not worried about Victoria making a return visit. Once the sun disappeared, however, I saw the tension creep back into Jacob's expression. He went into a defensive mode and became increasingly quiet and distant. When Phil asked about the change I answered for Jacob by explaining that he was just tired.

Renee and Phil retired early that evening. Jacob and I curled up on the sofa bed and talked until we fell asleep. Our sleep was far from restful and we woke up at even the slightest sound. Neither of us had made the phone calls that day to let those back in Forks know what had happened here with Victoria. I knew we would not be able to put those conversations off much longer. Edward was going to be extremely upset that I had not called him right away.

The next day my Mom took us to the Jacksonville Zoo and on a tour of the Jacksonville Municipal Stadium where the Jaguars played football. Jacob seemed to enjoy taunting the animals at the zoo but he was really excited to see the field where one of his favorite NFL teams played. I failed to see the draw of the latter. I had enjoyed the zoo though and I almost forgot about the red haired demon who was probably lurking somewhere nearby. It wasn't until the sun went down that I remembered we were still in very real danger. After dinner, I excused myself to call Edward. Jacob had made his call right when we got back but I had procrastinated. Sam was mad but admitted there wasn't anything he could do to help us from La Push. He simply told Jacob to keep me safe and inside when the sun was absent from the sky. I knew my chat with Edward would not go as easily.

"Hello, Bella." His voice sounded musical even from so far away. I found myself longing for his presence. Only one more day and I would see him again.

"Hi, Edward." I tried to sound cheerful but he realized right away that something was off.

"What's wrong?" His tone turned from enthusiastic to concerned.

"Promise me you won't freak out?" I knew he wouldn't make that vow but I had to try.

"Just tell me, Bella." His tone was getting more strained.

"I'm fine, okay?" I had to get that out first. "Victoria showed up but Jacob chased her away." I rushed through the words but I knew he understood everything I said. There were a few moments of silence and I imagined him trying to control his anger. I would not have been surprised if he crushed the phone in his grip.

"I don't suppose you would be willing to get on the next flight out of there?" His words were not what I expected. I had anticipated him either heading straight here or demanding I come straight home. I was proud of him for not attempting to completely control the situation and I told him so. He had come so far since we first met. We agreed that I would stick to the original plan after I convinced him it would be safer for me to travel during the day anyway. He made me tell him every detail of that night before he was would let me go.

"Promise me you won't say anything to Jake about this? He feels bad enough about what happened." I liked the two of them getting along even if only for my benefit and I didn't want to see that tentative truce end. Jacob was the reason I was still alive and I needed Edward to see that.

"I promise, but only because you're safe now."

"Goodnight, Edward."

"See you soon, Bella."

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**Notes:** What did you think? Please leave me a review to let me know. I would love to hear from everyone. I get so giddy every time I check to see how many people are reading this story. It would make my day to hear from more of you.

This chapter was originally going to be much crazier but I decided to let Bella get back to Forks before the bad stuff starts happening. Jacob is about to do a very bad, bad thing. Just want you to be prepared.


	13. Gone

**Disclaimer:** Mrs. Meyer owns everything.

**A/N:** So sorry for the delay in updating!I hope you enjoy this chapter.  


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Our last day in Florida was bittersweet. I looked forward to being back in Forks and seeing Edward but I would miss my Mom. We spent the day at her house just talking and spending time together. She pushed the benefits of going to the college nearby and I pretended to be interested. I found planning for the future difficult knowing Victoria was out there preparing for her next attack.

Renee and I had decided not to make a big deal about Christmas since I knew she had spent a lot of money getting us here and I did not want her spending more money on gifts. She did wish me a Merry Christmas before saying goodnight though. Edward had suggested I use the tickets his parents had given me for my birthday but I had refused. Those were for he and I to visit my Mom and I still wanted the opportunity to use them for that purpose.

"Jake, how can I leave knowing that Victoria could still be here? What if she decides to attack Renee and Phil after we leave?" It was late and we should be sleeping but I could not get the image of my Mom and step-dad being brutally murdered by the fierce, revenge seeking vampire who wanted nothing more than to avenge her mate's death.

"Alice said she didn't see anything bad happening here and that she is pretty sure that bloodsucker is on her way back to Forks." Jacob smoothed the hair away from my face and cupped my cheeks in his hands forcing me to look at him. "Bella, please try not to worry so much. You are very well protected and your family is safe." He wrapped his arms around me and crushed me to him. The fact that he called Alice by name made me smile despite the overwhelming anxiety that was swirling around affecting every part of my self.

Once Jacob fell asleep, I snuck into the kitchen and dialed Alice's number. She echoed the words Jacob had said earlier and assured me Victoria was no longer in Jacksonville. I made Alice promise me that she would let me know if that changed before I would let her get off the phone. She sighed loudly before promising me that no harm would come to Renee or Phil. I climbed back beside Jacob and tried to get some sleep. We would be at the airport in just over three hours.

Our plane landed in Washington early the next morning and I let out a sigh of relief. Charlie was there waiting for us and I was so happy to see him that I hugged him tightly making him very uncomfortable with my public display of affection. We all climbed in the cruiser and headed for La Push where we stopped at the Blacks' home to drop off Jacob. Charlie and Billy started talking so Jacob and I went out to the garage while we waited for them to finish visiting. The pack showed up a few minutes later. Sam, Embry and Quil gave me tight hugs happy to see me alive and unscathed. I gave all the credit to Jacob for my safe return and he filled them in on all the details of our encounter three nights prior.

The silver Volvo was parked in front of our house when Charlie pulled the cruiser into the driveway. I leaped out of the car and ran straight into Edward's waiting arms. When my Dad cleared his throat, I realized I had wrapped my legs around Edward's waist and he was holding me. I quickly put my feet back on the ground and gave Charlie a sheepish grin knowing my face showed exactly how embarrassed I was. Despite the awkward situation, Edward put his hands on my face and turned me back toward him before kissing me softly. I resisted the urge to tangle my fingers in his hair and deepen the kiss. After a few seconds, he moved his lips to my forehead.

"Bella, I have missed you." He whispered against my skin.

We turned then and followed Charlie inside. I went upstairs to put my bag away and to have a few human moments. I splashed water on my face and tried not to dwell on the first kiss Edward and I had shared since I had come out of hiding. When I went back downstairs Charlie was watching TV and Edward was sitting on the couch waiting for me. He stood as soon as my foot hit the bottom landing. I walked over to him and he wrapped his arm around my waist.

"Charlie, do you mind if I take Bella for a few hours?"

"Um, where are you planning on going?" Charlie's response surprised me. He wasn't usually that inquisitive.

"I was actually going to take her by to see my family. They wanted to see her as soon as she got back." He glanced over in my direction and I nodded. I was definitely not opposed to spending the day with the Cullens.

"Are you going to be back for dinner?" Charlie asked me.

"Yes, Dad, I'll be here." I wanted to make him dinner. He had probably not eaten well during my absence.

He nodded and turned back to the television. Edward reached for my hand and led me out to his car. Before he opened the passenger side door he pulled me into a tight embrace and buried his face in my hair. I giggled as he inhaled deeply. He pulled back and kissed me again. I leaned into him but let him control the moment. The memories of him pulling away due to my lack of restraint kept me from following my instincts when kissing him. This seemed to make kissing me easier for Edward and he pulled me closer to him.

"Please don't ever leave again." He stared into my eyes and cupped my face in his hands.

"I can promise that I never _want _to be away from you." I focused on his chin unable to meet his gaze. I wished I could kick myself for still being so insecure around him.

Edward opened the car door and helped me inside without saying another word. We headed to the white house hidden in the trees and when the house finally came into view I felt at ease for the first time since Victoria's appearance in Florida. Seeing Edward's family was always comforting. I refused to think about our bizarre it was that a house full of vampires made me feel safe. After recounting every detail of the incident with Victoria, I enjoyed several wonderful hours in their presence before my human needs became obvious to everyone when my stomach growled. Edward was on his feet and pulling me to mine before I even realized he had moved.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. We need to get you something to eat." Edward had a look of concern on his face and I couldn't help giggling.

"Edward, I'm fine. I can go a few hours without eating and survive. I promise." I looked around to see the same concern on five other faces. Rosalie was staring out the window. "Okay, I'll get something to eat." I conceded.

Edward drove me home and I almost immediately started making dinner. It was the first time since I had gotten back that I had a moment to myself to think. I had most definitely been happy to see Edward and I had totally let my guard down by kissing him – twice. We still had to have a conversation about what all this meant but I was not excited about it. I had tried to convince myself that my life did not depend on Edward. I had made it without him for several months and I wanted to believe I could survive if he was no longer a part of my life. But I could not even bare the thought of the emptiness his absence would create.

I finished broiling the steaks and put the rolls in the oven. Edward surprised me when he sat down at the table rather than giving one of his usual excuses for not joining us for dinner. Charlie was too busy enjoying his steak and my twice baked mashed potatoes to notice the look of shock on my face when Edward actually started eating. Edward looked over at me and shrugged his shoulders before turning back to Charlie to continue a conversation they were having before I called them to the kitchen.

That night I found Edward waiting in my bedroom when I got out of the shower. He was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner just as he had done almost every night up until my birthday. My breath caught in my chest as I took in his physical perfection. His bronze hair shined in the light of the moon, his skin impossibly paler, and his eyes bore into mine. He was my center, he was my heart and he was my soul. I no longer had the strength to push him away. Edward was far from perfect but so was I. If we could find love despite everything that worked against us, surely we could find a way to get past our imperfections and make it to forever.

I closed the distance between us and practically leapt into Edward's outstretched arms. He laughed softly and pulled me to him. I heard him take a deep breath against my hair as I quietly breathed him in as well. Edward placed his hand under my chin and turned my face to his. He kissed my forehead gently and smiled that amazing crooked smile that always sent my heart pounding against my chest as if it too longed to be closer to him. His smiled widened – probably because he heard my heart rate accelerate.

"You need to get some rest, my love." Instead of helping me stand, however, he began to shower me with gentle kisses. He started with my forehead and worked his way down to my collarbone.

"A girl could get used to all this attention." I wanted to say so much more but thought better of it. We were getting along so well. My questions regarding the reason for his new found ability to be so close to me could wait until another day. Edward climbed into the bed next to me and I rested my head on his shoulder. We said our goodnights and I closed my eyes. My mind raced with thoughts about the last few days and what was to come.

Victoria was chasing me through the dark woods and I could hear her laughter getting closer as she closed the gap between us. She caught up to me and threw me into a nearby tree. I heard my ribs crack from the force before my limp body slid down the trunk to the ground. I felt the cold, hard earth beneath me. I struggled to look around for anything I might be able to use as a weapon even though I knew any attempts I made would be futile but, there was no way I was just going to give up and let her kill me.

She was standing in front of me laughing still when I heard a howl in the distance. Victoria's eyes darted around the area looking for the source of the noise. Her nose scrunched up as she smelled the air. They were coming for me but they would be too late. Sensing the need to hurry, Victoria reached down and plucked me from the ground. She looked into my eyes for a brief moment before she began to rip my body apart.

I awoke screaming in my bedroom. My hand stretched out for Edward but found emptiness. He was not there. I curled up on my bed and cried. I knew he was probably just out hunting but his absence was excruciatingly painful nonetheless. The nightmare replayed in my mind and I could not get the sound of her laughter out of my head. I lay there until the sun filtered through my window. I sighed and heaved myself out of bed.

A tap on my window startled me and the face on the other side was not one I had been expecting. I slid the window open and Jacob climbed into my bedroom. He looked exhausted. I was about to ask him about his sleeping habits when I noticed the anxiety in his eyes. He did not say a word as he walked briskly around the room and started gathering clothes into a duffel bag he had apparently brought with him.

"Jake, what are you doing?" I almost shrieked when he opened the top drawer of my dresser.

"We have to get you out of here." His teeth were clinched tightly together and I could tell he was using every bit of his strength to fight back the anger he was feeling.

"Are you okay?" I reached out for him but he pulled away from my touch and forced my toiletries bag in with the other items before he turned back toward the window. He looked at me and back to the window. I opened my mouth to ask him again what was going on but he put his hand up to stop me. After a few more glances between me and the window he walked over to me and picked me up before throwing me over his shoulder. He ran out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Within seconds we were deep in the woods surrounding Charlie's house.

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	14. Kidnapped

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight characters, I just like to invite them over to play in my imagination every once in a while.

**A/N:** Sorry for the cliffhangers I have been leaving you with lately but they were a necessary evil. I want to thank each and every one of you for continuing to read this story. I cannot even tell you how much that means to me. As a reward, here is a longer chapter for you.

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"Jacob Black, you put me down right now and tell me what on earth is going on here!" I was screaming at him but he remained silent. I began kicking him in the chest but his hands quickly stopped my feet from moving. The tears began to well up as I turned from annoyed to angry. "I swear if you do not answer me right now I will never speak to you again."

"Bella, I need to focus right now." He didn't say anything else for a long time and I was really starting to get concerned. Something horrible must have happened for Jacob to be acting this way. Possible scenarios started running around in my head as he continued to run.

The sun was high in the sky by the time he finally stopped running and set me down. I looked around and saw only trees. I had no idea where we were. Jacob's expression was blank as he paced in front of me. All I could do was watch him. My mind was numb from all the hideous ideas that Jacob's actions had put into my thoughts. I was convinced that everyone I loved was dead or dying. There was no other logical explanation as far as I was concerned. My best friend was kidnapping me and refused to tell me the reason. Nothing short of complete fear would cause him to act this way. My stomach growled loudly and Jacob looked down at me as if he had forgotten I was there.

A string of expletives rushed from his mouth. He stopped pacing only to throw his arms in the air and scream. Whatever he was going through at that moment killed me to witness. He was a man in agony and I had no clue why because he refused to talk to me. I could feel the tears making their way down my cheeks again. I sat down on the wet ground in a huff and crossed my arms over my chest. The plan was to stay there until he explained everything to me. Jacob continued to just stare at me for a few minutes before he sat down in front of me and reached for my hands. I watched the emotions play across his face as he struggled with what to say.

"The redheaded bloodsucker is never going to give up on trying to kill you and I can't let that happen. Bells, I can't lose you." His voice was strained with emotion.

"Jake, she won't be able to get to me as long as I'm with you and the pack or the Cullens. You know that, right?" I was working hard to keep my voice calm. I really wanted to yell at him for yanking me out of the house with the obvious intention of keeping me away for some time.

"She isn't alone anymore. She has backup." He pulled away from me and buried his face in his hands.

"Backup?" I did not want to believe what he was saying. If Victoria had somehow convinced others to help her then I was in even more danger than I had realized.

"We think there are at least six or seven others and the numbers seem to be growing all the time. We got one of them last night. He was different." Jacob kept his eyes covered with his hands and I hated not being able to see his eyes as he spoke. I needed to see whether or not he was telling me the truth.

"What do you mean different?" I could not wrap my mind around what he had just said. He did not have much experience with vampires. Why would one seem different than another?

"I don't know how to explain it. He was wild almost and he just lashed out like a kid confronting a bully for the first time; no experience just swinging and hoping one of the punches left a mark."

"Jake, how many vampires have you fought?" I wondered how close they were getting despite Alice's vigilance. Why hadn't she seen any of this?

"I've encountered Victoria more times than I can count and there was one other male we killed before this one." He had always been so excited about getting his chance to slaughter a vampire. Why hadn't he told me about the other one?

"I'm so sorry, Jake, I had no idea. Why didn't you talk to me about it?" I reached out for him and he pulled me tightly against him.

"I'm the only one who can keep you safe. I can't trust anyone else with your life. You're safe with me. I'll always keep you protected. I promise." He squeezed me so hard that I found it difficult to breathe.

"You can't take that responsibility all on yourself."

"Bella, please do not try to talk me out of this. I am getting you as far away from her and the rest of those filthy bloodsuckers as possible. She is getting stronger all the time. More of those stupid leeches are joining forces with her almost everyday. Sam thinks they are testing our strength and looking for gaps in our defenses in order to get through to you. I cannot let that happen." He almost growled the last words.

"And you think we are better off out here alone?" I was starting to panic.

"Yes! Can't you see? By the time she realizes you're gone – I doubt either the pack or the leeches will tell her – you and I will be out of reach. The trail will have disappeared and she will never get to you. Ever." He was set on this strategy and I knew convincing him that we needed to go back would be difficult if not impossible.

"I want to go home." I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them before hiding my face. The tears flowed unceasingly, my body started to shake and I was terrified. If Victoria found us out here there would be no stopping her from fighting for what she wanted. She would kill Jacob before turning on me. I refused to even think about what she would do to me then.

I heard Jacob get up and resume pacing in front of me. I prayed that he would come to his senses and take me home. I remained silent certain that he just needed time to think through this crazy idea of his and he would realize that we had a better chance at survival if we had help. My stomach growled again and the sound of Jacob's anxious steps stopped. My head remained pressed to my knees. I refused to look at him.

"You need food." His tone was soft.

"Yes." My tone was sarcastic.

"Here, eat this."

He tossed a granola bar between my feet and into my line of sight. I took it and ate it in two bites. Of course, it did not little to quash my hunger and only reminded me how very thirsty I was. I chanced a peek at Jacob and was surprised to see him sitting against a nearby tree trunk. He looked so defeated. Time to kick a man while he was down.

"I'm thirsty." I understood the necessity to break through his resolve in order to get out of this. And he would not let me suffer; at least I was hoping he wouldn't. He was more prepared than I expected.

He sighed in response to my words and rummaged around in one of the bags he had been carrying. He handed me a bottle of water and sat down next to me. His arm wrapped around my shoulder and I leaned into him. My whole body was shivering from the intense cold. We sat there until the sun began to descend behind the trees. I could barely feel my hands or feet and my body ached from sitting for so long. Jacob's intense expression had kept me quiet for the last few minutes but I could not take it anymore. I stood up, gingerly stretching my muscles, and turned to face him. Even though he was still sitting on the ground we were almost at eye level.

"I'm cold and starving. It is freezing out here and I want you to take me home. Now. Do you have any idea how worried Charlie and everyone else must be about me? Does Sam know that you have taken me against my will in order to _protect_ me?" I could feel the anger boiling over and I was not sure how much longer I would be capable of remaining civil to my best friend. I was positive he thought he was doing the right thing but he had to comprehend how stupid this was.

"I left a note." He refused to meet my gaze.

"You left a note? And that is supposed to make everything okay? What did the note say?" My voice was coming out in a high-pitched whiney tone but I could not help it.

"It said I was taking you some place safe until Victoria was out of the picture. I can phase and check up with the pack from time to time to figure out what's going on and find out if Victoria has been killed." He was completely convinced there was no other way to keep me safe. I could see it in his eyes.

My fist clenched at my sides which was painful due to the extreme temperature. He was not going to take me home and I would probably end up freezing to death while he tried to keep me "safe". No words could describe the immense emotions rolling through me at that moment. Before my mind completely let me in on the action, I watched my fist swing forward and connect with the side of Jacob's face. He didn't move an inch even though every ounce of strength I had was behind that punch. It took a few seconds for the pain to register. I looked down in shock and literally watched my hand swell to three times its normal size. I was sure it was broken. A few more seconds went by before Jacob even seemed to realize I had hit him. His eyes traveled down to my hand and widened in recognition.

"You punched me? Are you crazy?" He reached for my hand to examine it. The tears were once again rolling down my cheeks.

"Did you even feel it?" I at least hoped I had hurt him a little in my effort.

"No, you should have used a tire iron or something if you really wanted to hurt me. I can't believe you thought than tiny hand of yours could do any damage to a werewolf." He was half joking and half serious. "It's broken." He huffed. "What else can go wrong today?" He unleashed another round of expletives. I blushed at some of the words I heard leave his lips. He was raging an internal battle. "Sit down and do not move until I get back." He practically growled at me before disappearing behind a tree. I clutched my hand to my chest to try to alleviate some of the pain.

I watched as his clothes hit the ground and I realized he was going to phase. His colossal wolf form came out a few seconds later. Even in his animal state I could see the anguish in his eyes; the one feature that did not change during his transition from man to myth. I watched his dark orbs as he paced around the small clearing where we had stopped for what seemed like hours but was likely less than one. His steps became more and more frantic with each minute that passed. Not knowing the reasons for his anxiety was getting beyond frustrating. I needed information like the earth needed the sun. Concern for Charlie, Renee, Edward and the rest of the Cullens threatened to consume me. They would be worried about me no matter what Jacob's note said. Charlie would never understand the danger I was in because he could never know about this supernatural world. I knew he was already suspicious about Jacob's sudden growth spurts and muscular build. He not privy to the real reason for the changes and I was certain he assumed drug use. Edward was quite possibly more livid than I could even imagine. He would not rest until he found me. His anger toward Jacob would know no bounds and there would be no stopping him from attacking Jacob on sight.

My body was now trembling with fear more so than from the cold weather. As angry as I was with Jacob I did not want anything bad to happen to him. I did not want the man I loved fighting with my best friend. Emmett and Jasper would certainly join in the fray and the rest of the pack would jump to Jacob's defense. If Victoria happened to be around at the time she would have all the distraction necessary to get to me. My mind was reeling with the possible outcomes of Jacob's rash behavior and I was getting dizzy. My butt thudded to the ground and I put my head between my knees. This was all becoming too much. The pain of my hand alone was almost unbearable.

After several more passes in front of me Jacob once again disappeared behind the tree. He stepped out a few moments later and slowly made his way back over to me. I was too afraid to look at his face because of what it might tell me. He sat down next to me and wrapped me into his arms. My face was against his chest and I instantly felt warm. His body constantly radiated heat but he was even hotter than usual. I avoided his gaze even though he put a finger under my chin and gently lifted my face.

"She made another run at the rez this morning but this time she had around fifteen others with her. I suggested Sam discuss this with the leeches. We can't possibly hope to protect our people if she keeps up at this rate. Sam thinks she's changing people just to help her get to you." He looked directly into my eyes and bore into them as if trying to gauge my wordless reaction.

My mind drifted to what Edward had told me about newborns. He had only talked about them to dissuade me from wanting to become like him but I found myself comparing his words with Jacob's. The description Jacob had given of the vampires with Victoria matched the one Edward had provided of those who had just been changed. Was Victoria building an army of newborns? I cringed and tried to explain my thoughts to Jacob. He returned to pacing. I lost the battle with my exhaustion. I felt Jacob pick me up as I drifted to sleep. My slumber was restless and filled with horrible images of those I loved being attacked by red eyed monsters led by a red-haired demon. My legs felt rooted to the ground and kept me from attempting to save any of them. It was the worst nightmare I had ever had and I awoke in a cold sweat. Jacob tried to soothe me by rubbing his hand up and down my back while repeating everything was going to be okay over and over. Several minutes later the violent tremors subsided and I was able to tell Jacob about the horrific dream.

"How's your hand?"

The sun was already making its way into the sky and I guessed it was around seven or eight the next morning. He must have kept running all night. The thought almost made me worry about him until I remembered our current situation. Before he mentioned it, I had forgotten about my broken appendage. The pain returned to the forefront of my mind and I examined the damage. It seemed impossibly bigger and was turning lovely shades of black and blue.

"It's broken, how do you think it is?" I spat at him.

Jacob put me down and gently pulled my hand out of the death grip I kept it in convinced that squeezing it with my left hand would help ease the pain. I yelped as he turned it over to inspect it more thoroughly. His expression reflected the hurt I was feeling both physically and emotionally.

"There is a town only a few miles away. We can get you checked out at the hospital when we get there." As soon as the words were out of his mouth he hoisted me back over his shoulder and headed deeper into the forest.

I did not even bother arguing with him as any attempts would most assuredly be futile. I began devising ways to get away from him once we got the emergency room. He signed me in with a receptionist and we sat down to wait our turn. He glanced around nervously while I tried to pass the time thinking pleasant thoughts. Apparently, a broken hand was not high on the list of serious injuries because over an hour after arriving we were still waiting. Jacob started pacing again and I heard him growl softly whenever he looked over at my hand. The pain had somewhat subsided and was more of a dull ache at that point.

Five hours later we walked out of the hospital with my hand in a cast and my arm in a sling. Jacob had refused to leave my side the entire time we were there. As if reading my mind, he seemed to know I would take the first opportunity to get away from him. He even stood up to the two security guards who were called when he adamantly insisted on accompanying me to radiology for X-rays. The nurses gave up after that little incident. I was surprised they didn't call the police until I heard one of them whisper to another something about young love. They assumed Jacob's possessive tendencies were those of a boyfriend with his new girlfriend or something. By the time we left, I was ignoring Jacob completely.

"Bella, you're going to have to talk to me at some point. You can't spend the rest of your life ignoring me." He huffed. I lost it.

"The rest of my life? You plan on keeping me away from Charlie and Renee forever? Do you really think that is what is best for me? That I could have any kind of life without the people I love in it?" I was screaming in the middle of the hospital parking lot and gaining attention.

Jacob's features started to contort into fury which only fueled my anger. I looked around and was about to scream for help when he put his hand over my mouth and roughly led me away from the area. He did not let go or stop until we were well out of view of the hospital. We were in a vacant parking lot on the edge of town when he finally let me go. By this time my rage knew no bounds and I unleashed a verbal assault that even I was ashamed of when I finished. I yelled for at least half an hour about how unreasonable he was being by kidnapping me and taking me from the one place I felt safe. When I finally stopped my rant I looked over at him and realized how much my words had devastated him. The hurt was written all over his face. I had implied at one point that I wished he and I had never become friends. As all the words I said came back to me I hung my head in shame. Although they were mostly true, there was no excuse for how the words came out and I would probably have to spend eternity apologizing for the very untrue things that passed through my lips as well.

"Oh, Jake, I am so sorry. Not that I don't have every excuse to be extremely angry with you right now, but I had no right to say those things to you. I will never regret our friendship. No matter what you will always be my best friend." I took a step toward him and was relieved when he did not pull away from me and allowed me to hug him with all my might.

We stood there as the night enveloped us and I wondered if he and I would ever be okay again. He had stolen me from my comfort zone and the ones I loved were surely wracked with worry. There was little room for forgiveness even if his motives were pure. On the flip side, I was confident he may never be able to forgive me for the harsh words I had just said to him. I needed to fix this; to repair our relationship somehow but I had no idea where to even start.

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**A/N:** Let me know what you think of this chapter - even if you hate it. I miss Edward and I'm hoping they get reunited soon...

I've been thinking about posting some outtakes for this story (such as Edward's pov of the first chapter) so let me know if any of you would interested in something like that.

Sorry does not even begin to convey how badly I feel for not responding to all of the reviews I have received. I really appreciate the time taken to write each one and I promise I will work on getting better with responding. I really do read all of them and they encourage me to keep writting!


	15. Lonley

**Disclaimer:** SM owns Twilight, no infringement intended.

**A/N:** Sorry this a shorter chapter but it to end where it did. Enjoy!

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For the second day in a row I awoke with my face pressing into Jacob's back. I wondered when he had last gotten any sleep. There is no way he could keep up this crazy pace for much longer. I didn't say anything but he would be able tell by my breathing that I was awake. We had said little since our argument the night before and I knew we would not be able to have a rational conversation anytime soon. Without a word Jacob set me on the ground and we separate for some much needed human time – well wolf-man time in Jacob's case. We ate granola bars and drank some water before he scooped me off the ground and continued running through the wilderness. I had no idea where we were or even which direction we had been traveling. It was infuriating and disorienting but I refused to ask.

We continued in silence for the rest of the day only stopping once to repeat our actions from the morning. Darkness falls before we stop again and as Jacob set me down I wince. My muscles are sore and stiff from lack of use. I open my mouth to ask if I can walk for awhile but close it when I remember that I'm not talking to the huge idiot who has taken me hostage. He noticed my momentary lack in judgment and smirked in my direction.

"You have never been able to stay mad at me for long." He smiled hopefully at me.

I rolled my eyes and started pacing. I was not just angry at Jacob. I was angry at Edward as well. I knew it was irrational but I was very upset that Edward had not yet found and rescued me. I had believed him when he told me that nothing on earth could keep us apart. Anger was easier than fear. I refused to think about plausible explanations for his lack of heroic actions. He should be here. If he loved me he would be here. If he were alive – no, I refused to continue down that line of thinking.

"Bella?"

My head snapped in Jacob's direction. I had almost forgotten I was not alone. I felt so isolated. Without Edward I was completely and utterly alone. My arms wrapped around my torso as I felt the nearly healed hole reopen with a vengeance. Jacob was watching me with a very concerned expression.

"Jake, I just want to go home." Sobs overtook me then. I could no longer control my emotions. The sling on my right arm made it difficult for me to hold myself as tightly as necessary to keep me in one piece. Without thinking I rushed over to Jacob and pressed myself into his warm body. His arms immediately enveloped me and kept me from falling apart.

"I'm so sorry, but I can't take you back. It's too dangerous. I have to protect you." He was crying along with me. "This is the eventuality Edward and I planned for."

"What?" Did he just say Edward helped him plan this?

"Look, I'll explain everything later. We have to get out of here and find somewhere to hole up for a little while." He looked sheepish when he met my eyes and realized how angry I was.

Jacob allowed me to walk next to him rather than slinging me over his shoulder. Probably more because of my expression than because he needed a break from carrying me. We walked in silence for several hours. I refused to eat or drink for the rest of day and Jacob was starting to get a concerned expression on his face. I could not bring myself to care. Edward had sent me packing at the first sign of trouble. How stupid I had been to think he had changed and would discuss something like this with me first. I felt the heat rise to my face and tears started to sting the corners of my eyes. I was beyond mad. I was irate. As far as I was concerned we could go to the moon and that would still not be far enough.

We spent another night in the dense wilderness and I began to wonder how there seemed to be an endless amount of trees in this overly populated country. That's about the time I heard the familiar sounds of cars speeding down a road. We were coming up to civilization. I glanced at Jacob questioningly.

"We can't stay in the woods forever." He shrugged his shoulders and continued to walk toward the noise.

A few hours later I was relaxing in a hot shower that was beyond needed. I watched as the water pooling at my feet actually turned brown. I was filthy. I had a hard time washing my face with one hand and I was reminded of those weeks after I fell in Jacob's garage. I had to push those thoughts away before they made their way to my reunion with the Cullens. Edward was the last person I wanted to think about right then.

We had come across a small town where Jacob hailed a cab and requested a ride to the next town. He asked the driver to take us to the nicest hotel there. Which was only a small step above a dump but I didn't care because the hot water heater worked. I was walking back into the bedroom when something dawned on me.

"Jake?"

"Yep." He was distracted by the television. He had turned it on almost immediately after we got there.

"How do you have money for all this?" He had given the cab driver a generous tip and he had used a credit card to secure the room. Jacob did not have a credit card.

"I told you, we had a contingency plan." His focus never left the TV screen.

I crossed the room and stood between him and the stupid show about how to 'trick' your ride.

"Contingency plan? Care to explain that one to me, Jacob?" My tone finally broke through that thick skull of his and he realized I was seething.

"Bella, calm down. Your face is so red you could pose for one of those hot sauce commercials." He threw his hands up when I took what I hoped was a menacing step toward him. "Look, we knew there was always the possibility that things would get to a point where taking you away would be best. So, Edward put together a means of escape." He stopped and rolled his eyes before continuing. "Your safety is the number one concern."

"I don't understand. What do you mean 'a means of escape'?" I sat on the foot of the bed. I was exhausted, confused and hungry.

"Let's just say that you and I can live a very comfortable life and not have to worry much about anything other than keeping your whereabouts from Victoria. If you could live any where in the world, where would you go?" He was trying to change the subject and I was too tired to argue. My first thought was that I wanted to be wherever Edward was but I was too angry to admit it and too worried about hurting Jacob. I still didn't know if he had feelings that went beyond friendship toward me.

"Tomorrow, you are going to explain everything to me. Right now, that bed is calling my name so loudly that I can't hear anything else." I slid into to bed and must have been asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow because the next thing I was aware of was sun streaming through the room and the sounds of Jacob in the shower. Despite all the anger I felt, I did not underestimate how extremely lucky I was to have a friend like Jacob. He was stupid and I was going to make him pay for kidnapping me, but he was only doing it because he cared so much. I would be a fool not to see that.


	16. Waiting

**Disclaimer**: S Meyer owns everything you recognize.

**A/N:** Hello everyone :-) This chapter contains some harsher language than any of the previous chapters. Nothing that I would have gotten my mouth washed out with soap over but I felt like I needed to add a warning for this one. Thanks!

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We spent the next two days traveling from one hotel to the next and I stopped paying attention to our surroundings. Jacob had purchased a used SUV from some shady auto dealer a few days before. I did not even ask how he had the means to purchase the vehicle. The sun was shining on the other side of the car window but I didn't care. My thoughts were consumed with longing. I needed to know that Edward and the rest of my family were okay. Despite Jacob's promise to keep an eye on what was going on in Forks he hadn't phased in days. We had argued about it earlier and I had gotten nowhere. He was worried about divulging our location. This was the last straw. Jacob may have been delusional enough to think that running with me was the best option but I knew he was wrong.

I reached into the backseat in search of food. We hadn't stopped in hours and I was starving. I refused to ask Jacob for anything so I was rummaging through our bags hoping to find a granola bar or something to snack on. My hand brushed across something hard. I looked over my shoulder and moved the clothes that hid it from view. The mystery item looked like a fire-proof safe similar to the one Charlie kept our important documents in at home. I pulled the box into my lap and Jacob's large hand instantly covered mine.

"Don't open that." He seemed anxious.

"Why not?" I was suspicious at this point and nothing was going to stop me from finding out what the safe contained.

"Fine, open it." He spat back. He looked back to the road but I knew he was just trying to convince me the contents were insignificant. I wasn't buying it.

I quickly unlatched the lid once Jacob moved his hand back to the wheel. Inside were several passports, drivers' licenses, birth certificates, and lots of cash among other things. The passports had pictures of both Jacob and I with different names to accompany them. There were id's and birth certificates to match each alias. My eyes flicked to the side of Jacob's face. The safe had everything we would need to completely change our identities and go into hiding indefinitely plus the cash to get away immediately if we were found. I sat there shaking my head in wonder. Did Edward really want me to live a life with Jacob so badly that he went through all this trouble?

"Jacob?"

"Yeah?"

"Did Edward ask you to take me away from Forks in order to keep me safe?" I would not be surprised at all if this had actually all been Edward's idea. He wanted me out of harm's way even if it meant sending me to who knows where with the one person he knew cared as much about my well being as he did and who also knew the very real threat of the supernatural woman hunting me. Typical, selfless Edward.

"Not exactly." Jacob refused to look me in the eye.

"What does that mean? I know he gave you these." I could not keep my frustration out of my tone.

"He gave those to me a few months ago, right after you moved back from the Rez. He made me promise to take you somewhere and hide if your life was in danger." Jacob's eyes remained glued to the road in front of us.

"So, you two decided that you could dictate my life? Edward just sent me away at the first sign of trouble? And you…you agreed? What the hell?" I was furious and tears were streaming down my face.

"Bells, please calm down. We didn't decide on anything. I just thought the bloodsucker was getting a little too close for comfort so I acted on an impulse. I saw her through Sam's mind and she looked so damned determined that it scared me. I had to get you away from her." He glanced over at me with a sheepish half-grin. I calmed down a little at his words.

"So, Edward had no say in this?" I just did not want to think that he could cast me aside so easily even if he did believe it was for my own good.

"No, I didn't tell anyone. When I phased after we took off Sam tried to command me to take you back. But I refused and I think that did something to our connection because I can't hear them anymore." His eyes glazed over and I caught a glimpse of a tear before he swatted it away.

"So, that's why you haven't checked in with them? Because you can't?" I tried to keep my voice calm.

"I tried a couple of times while you were sleeping but – nothing."

"We have to go back, Jake. We have to find out what's going on and we have to let them know that we're okay. What if they assume we're dead?" I wondered if that was why none of them had found us. Maybe they weren't even looking.

"I promise we'll call Billy at the next stop and let him know we're okay. Depending on what he says, I'll think about going home." Jacob's tone was resolute and I knew there was no point in trying to argue any more. This was as good as it was going to get for the time being.

We continued to drive in silence and I began paying attention. A sign came into view indicating we were in Tennessee. I was shocked to realize how far we had traveled from home. Jacob pulled into the parking lot for a small 50's diner and hopped out of the car. He came around and opened my door and extended his hand for mine. I gladly accepted it knowing the stiffness in my muscles would make me even more uncoordinated than usual. I stumbled and felt Jacob's arms wrap around to catch me. His arms were warm and I found myself comparing them to the arms I wanted to have embracing me. One tear trickled down my cheek. Jacob's finger swiped it away before mine could.

"I really am sorry about all this, Bells. I just can't lose you. Can you understand that?" His eyes reflected his sincerity and I nodded. Maybe I would do the same thing if the roles were reversed.

"Let's go eat. I'm starving." I gave him a small smile as he put his arm on my shoulders and led me into the restaurant.

That night we stayed in a suite and I was glad for the privacy of my own room. After the longest shower the wonderful hot water heater could provide, I lounged on the king sized bed. We had been gone for seven days. Alice must be beside herself with worry. She definitely would not be able to see me since Jacob never left my side. I wondered how far away Jacob had to be before she would be able to catch a glimpse of me. Would one room apart be far enough? It was worth a try. I jumped off the bed and scrambled over to the small desk. I made sure to decide what I was going to do before I acted on my idea. This had to work. After grabbing a pad and pen I ran over to the side of the room furthest from the door that led to the common area and Jacob. I quickly scribbled Tennessee in large print on the piece of paper and held it up because I wasn't exactly sure how her visions worked. I realized then that the paper had the hotel's letterhead which included the address. Again, unsure how her talent worked, I wrote the information in large letters and held it up to make sure she would be able to see it. After that, all I could do was wait.

I heard noise on the other side of the door and hurriedly hid the pad of paper. The last thing I needed was for Jacob to panic and take off again. He was finally starting to relax a little so I hoped he would give in to my request to stay here for a few days.

"Bells?" He knocked and called my name at the same time. I let out a breath and walked over to open the door. "Sorry, I just missed ya. We've been together so much lately that I didn't know what to do with myself." He grinned down at me and I can't help smiling back.

"Jake, are you still planning on calling Billy?" I felt a pang of guilt for bringing it up now but I don't want him to think I forgot about his promise.

"I'll call him now." He grabs a cell phone out of his bag and my jaw drops.

"You had a cell phone this whole time?" I was working hard not to scream at him. He just shrugged his shoulders and dialed his dad's number. I sat down next to him on the couch so I could hear the conversation. I honestly didn't trust him. I worried that he would fake the whole call until I heard Billy's unmistakable voice on the other end of the line.

"Hey dad. It's me." Jacob barely got the words out before his dad's yells filled the air. I could hear most of what he said and he was not happy with his son. The conversation lasted about a half hour before I heard Billy ask to speak with me. Jacob tentatively handed the phone over to me.

"Hi Billy." I tried to sound calm. I didn't want Billy yelling at me too.

"Ah Bella, it's so good to hear your voice. Charlie is worried sick about you. I tried to convince him that you're fine but that doesn't stop him." Billy sounded very apologetic but all I could think about was my Dad.

"Billy, please let him know that we called and that I'm fine. What does he think is keeping me away?" I knew he could not have been told the real reason.

"We told him that you asked Jake to take you away for a little while because you were feeling stressed. I don't think he bought it since school started back and you're still gone. He knows better than to believe you'd stay gone this long and risk your grades now. He keeps talking about college application deadlines." Billy isn't telling me everything but I'm sure I don't want to know what he's leaving out anyway.

After assuring Billy I was okay he finally let me end the call. I turned to Jacob and put my hands on my hips. He was not taking me home; I could see it in his eyes. Without saying a word I turned toward the bedroom. The door made a loud bang as I slammed it before locking Jacob out. That night, I dreamed of Edward storming through the door and rescuing me. I awoke with a smile on my face and then realized it had just been a dream.

Despite Jacob's many attempts to get me to immerge, I refused to leave the room for almost two days. That's when I realized I could not go any longer without eating. The water from the bathroom sink had kept me satiated for a while but I needed sustenance. A cheeseburger and fries sounded like a gourmet meal. The door squeaked a little as it opened and Jacob's head shot straight up to look at me. He looked devastated. I had to look away before I started feeling sorry for him.

"I'm hungry." I went over to the table where the room service menu was and walked over to the phone to order. "Want anything?" I looked up to find Jacob staring intently at me. He didn't answer so I ordered two cheeseburgers with fries and large sodas for both of us. I plopped down on the couch next to Jacob to wait for the food.

"You are mad at me aren't you?"

"Yep." I wasn't going to lie to him.

"I wish you could forgive me. I don't regret my decision. I'm sorry but I would do it again in a heart beat."

"Seriously? You still think this was a good idea?" I was trying really hard not to yell at him.

"Yep." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. I let him hold me until there was a knock on the door indicating our food had arrived.


	17. Hopeless

**Disclaimer**: the characters belong to SM, I just like to make them march to rhythm in my head.

**A/N:** The story is earning its rating more in this chapter. It is a little darker and contains language that may not be suitable for all ages. Proceed with caution :-) I try to keep the words at a certain level but it just really seemed unrealistic given what is going on with Jake and Bella right now.

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Three days after I tried to let Alice know where Jacob had taken me, I lost all hope. Either Alice could not see my message because of Jacob or they weren't coming for me. There were endless possible reasons that could keep the Cullens saving me and I did not want to consider any of them. Jacob had suggested we register at a local school and get "settled". We found a large high school in a smaller town named Franklin and remained in Tennessee. The town was smaller than neighboring Nashville but the school was big enough to let us stay beneath the radar. New students were a dime a dozen there. No one even gave us a second glance. Thanks to Edward's handy work, the idiots in administration did not even question our records. Jacob enrolled as a senior like me. Of course, I knew he'd cheat his way through but I just could not bring myself to care. He had given the lady who handled student schedules some sob story about my past and convinced her to put us in all the same classes so that I would not be alone at anytime.

We spent our afternoons looking for a place to live. My heart wasn't really in the search but I truly liked the townhouse we found on that Friday. We signed the lease the same day and moved in that weekend. Thanks to the Cullen fortune there were no limits on how much we could spend on furnishing our new place. Jacob purchased a large flat-screen television for the family room and two smaller ones for our bedrooms. We made the house as much of a home as it could be for us. He never left my side so I did not have another opportunity to try to connect with Alice. The days turned to weeks and I surprised myself by actually making a few friends at the new school. When they started questioning why Jacob never let me out of his sight he stepped in with the story he had given the secretary that first day. Apparently, I was a wreck after losing my parents and brother in a tragic accident. The therapist I had gone to had suggested I move somewhere away from the memories and Jacob was an old family friend who couldn't stand the thought of me being on my own. His parents had insisted that he come with me and he was afraid to be away from me for too long. They actually bought his lies. I guess when death is involved, people are afraid to push the subject so the questions stopped after that and everyone made a point to include Jacob in everything.

After a month in our new abode I honestly started to believe we were safely away from Victoria and her minions. Jacob was noticeably much more relaxed. He even started taking nightly runs through a patch of woods a few miles from our house. Each evening after Jacob left I tried to "show" Alice where we were. After a week of trying I just gave up entirely. This was my life now. It was a fact I just had to find a way to accept. The school had enough advanced curriculum to keep me entertained and I found myself settling into an easy routine. Afternoons were spent studying and evenings were spent making dinner. Jacob appreciated the home cooked meals. He had gotten used to take out and frozen meals after his mom passed away. I assumed he missed his family and friends as much as I missed mine but he never talked about them.

At night I dreamed about Edward. Mostly, my subconscious played happy images of the two of us together. Sometimes we were both vampires. Other times we were both human. Those dreams were the best because I finally felt like we were equals. The insecurities ran rampant with each passing day because Edward had not come after me. He was not my knight in shining armor. I was devastated. My heart ached and the hole had returned full force. I even started wearing tight shirts under baggy ones to help me keep from spilling out everywhere. I was in pieces and fighting against all hope to maintain some semblance of myself. This was far worse than after I ran to La Push in order to prevent the Cullens from leaving Forks.

Anger became a constant emotion. I was tired of everyone else making my life choices for me. First, Edward had plotted to desert me to let me live a normal, human life. Now, Jacob had taken me away under the pretenses of keeping me safe. But I couldn't hate him. I should loath him with every fiber of my being. I didn't. He was still my best friend. I really must be crazy. In love with a vampire and best friends with a kidnapping werewolf; what was wrong with me? I laughed out loud and Jake glanced up at me quizzically. I was supposed to be working on a paper for our AP English class but my mind refused to stop drifting to thoughts of marble skin, cold caresses, strong lips and amber eyes.

"Ugh!" I got up and walked over to the sink to get a drink of water.

"What's wrong, Bells?" Not a day went by where he didn't ask this question at least once. How dumb can one wolf-man be?

I did not answer his absurd question. I stomped past him and slammed the door to my bedroom. "Mature," I muttered to myself as I flopped down on the bed. The CD player mocked me from across the room. It was one of the few items Jacob had grabbed from my room the day he abducted me. It sat on my dresser gathering dust. I couldn't bring myself to play the CD it contained. I crossed the room, plugged the damned thing in and hit the sideways triangle. My arms crossed tightly around my torso and I sunk to the floor. There was nothing. I was nothing. Numbness overtook me and I was grateful. Feeling was too much. I needed the nothing. I could survive the darkness as long as I did not have to experience the gut-wrenching terror that came as the hole continued ripping wider and wider. Soon, it would consume me and I would cease to exist. My time was running short. This was as pathetic as life could get. Or, at least, I did not see how it could get any worse.

Sleep was the enemy. It brought impossible images that could never become reality. Nights turned to endless abysses of struggling to stay conscious. I would sleep in hour increments to prevent time to dream. Food was unappealing and I hid the disgust as I cooked each night. I packed lunches and pretended to eat. The few times I had to force something down my throat I had to fight to keep it from coming right back up. The girl in the mirror was hollow, empty. My friends began to notice the dark circles under my eyes and my sudden weight loss. I hid behind Jake's lies, but he knew better. We fought whenever we were alone. He refused to watch me do this his best friend; the most important person in his world was decaying in front of his eyes and he hated it. I felt nothing.

"You can live without him. Stop being so melodramatic." Jacob was yelling at me in the kitchen.

"I have never said I could not live without him." I refused to raise my voice to meet his. I was too tired to fight.

"Then why are you doing this to yourself? You look like shit, Bella. Have you looked in a mirror lately?" He was still yelling. He only called me Bella when he was really upset. I flinched a little when he said it.

"Thanks, Jake. You really know how to stoke a girl's ego." My self-hate did not need any encouragement.

"Dammit, Bella! You are going to get off this self-destruction track your on and get over this shit. I'm sick of it." He was angrier than I had ever seen him. His anger should bother me.

"I wish it were that easy Jake. I really do." I wanted to tell him that everything would be okay but I was not going to lie to him. That would just make things worse.

"How can I make this better? How can I get my Bells back?" Tears were streaming down his cheeks. Bells would have gone over to him, embraced him, and wiped the tears away. She would be able to comfort him.

"I have no idea." I should have asked him to take me home. He almost seemed desperate enough to do it, but I wasn't sure that would help either. The nothingness was consuming me. I really did not know why. I missed Edward and the rest of my family, but that was not the reason for my decent into darkness. I had tried to find the explanation but to no avail. There was just nothing. A void.

Jacob stood right in front of me and shook me, hard. My brain rattled around in my head. Pain should be radiating from my arms where he was squeezing; fear should be flowing through my veins at the way his body was shivering. Yet, the nothingness remained. I retreated into my mind remembering a movie I used to watch with my Mom. _The Neverending Story_ was a favorite of hers. Jacob was like Bastian trying to save Fantasia from The Nothing. But he was not Atreyu and he did not have the Empress' magical medallion to aide him. Vaguely I thought I heard my name being called in the distance. Was I so bad that I was now losing touch with reality?

"Bella? Are you okay?" Jacob was slapping the sides of my face gently as he rushed me to the car. He set me down in the passenger seat and latched the seatbelt around me. "Say something. I'm freaking out here." He was almost hysterical. I had no idea what was happening.

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**A/N:** Short chapter I know, but I felt bad leaving you with the cliffhanger so I wanted to get this one out, plus it just naturally paused here. Sorry, that I'm leaving with another one though...*hides in corner*... the next chapter is much longer so will take some time to edit and get ready to post.

I'm excited about how many are actually reading this story but disappointed by the number of reviews in comparison. I really do want to know your thoughts regarding where this story is headed and I adore feedback. Don't make me beg...


	18. Visitor

**Disclaimer:** S. Meyer owns Twilight

**A/N:** Sorry about the delay. I kept getting an error message when I tried to load this chapter.

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I awoke in a strange bed. Something stopped me from running my hand through my hair. I glanced down to find a needle sticking in my arm attached to a tube running up to a bag of clear liquid. The room I was in was small and dimly lit. The floor was tiled and the walls were white. Jake was snoring in a pull out chair in the corner near the window. No light was streaming in from the outside. Great. I was in the hospital. Again. I tried to move and moaned as my body rebelled against my actions.

"Hey Bells. How are you feeling?" Jacob asked through a yawn.

"Jake, why am I here?" My voice was strained and my throat hurt when I spoke.

"You hadn't eaten anything in so long that you're body just shut down. You scared me to death, Bells. I had to call an ambulance because you wouldn't wake up." His eyes were staring at the floor but I could still see the pain in them.

"I'm sorry I scared you." I did not know what else to say. Despite everything that was going on I, honestly, had overreacted with the whole not eating thing. I decided then and there to snap out of the depressed state I was in and work on figuring out a way to get home without destroying my friendship with Jake.

"I should be the one apologizing. This whole mess just keeps getting worse and I don't know what to do to make things right. All I know is that I have to keep you safe and that means hiding you. But you're still not safe." He hid his face in his hands as he body started shaking. I was sure he was crying.

A nurse came in to check my vital signs. "Good to see you're finally awake. I'll let the doctor know and he should be in shortly. Do you need anything?" Her voice was kind.

"May I have some water?" My throat was burning. She nodded and left only to return a few moments later with a small pitcher and cup.

"Let me know if you need anything else." She smiled and closed the door behind her.

Jacob moved a chair right next to the bed and wrapped my hand in his. I couldn't help comparing how different they were. His beautiful russet skin made mine look even paler by comparison. I admired his near perfection. He really was a very handsome man. My mind wandered to a place where vampires and werewolves did not exist and I wondered if things would have been different for Jake and I if the Cullen family had not returned to Forks. That brought me back to the question I had been pondering for months. Did he care about me as more than just a friend? Not that I would ever find the courage to ask him. His answer could change everything. The doctor walked in and interrupted my musings.

"Ms. Swan, I'm Dr. Collins and I've been the primary physician assigned to you during you stay here with us. How are you feeling?" He was probably in his mid-thirties but still very attractive. There was a pale line where he had obviously worn a wedding ring for a long time, but the finger was now vacant. I speculated for a moment about its absence; maybe he simply forgot to wear it that day or his marriage was no more. Something about what he said finally registered.

"My stay? How long have I been here?" I had not even thought about it.

"Two days. We were starting to get a little concerned that you had not regained consciousness yet. I'm glad to see you awake and you seem alert. That is definitely a good sign." He smiled reassuringly at me. I lost two days. It was hard to believe. This pity party undeniably had to end. This was getting out of hand. Dr. Collins proceeded to examine me further and I responded as best I could to his questions regarding my health.

That night I talked Jacob into going to the cafeteria to get something to eat before he ended up in a bed next to me. I knew he was reluctant to leave me for even a second. I wanted to reassure him that I would be fine but he would know I was lying. I could not convince him of something that I could not make myself believe. The hole in my chest was mocking my weakness. Like even it knew I was devastated without Edward. There was just no easy way to deal with the conflicting emotions coursing through me. Edward loved me. I knew that was an absolute truth. My fear centered on the thought that he did not love me enough. He once told me that he cared so much that he would leave if that was what would be best. I now realized the true test of his feelings was whether or not he could stay. Could he set aside his desire to leave me human, "normal" and give me what I wanted most? Could he let me have what my heart truly wanted instead of trying to decide for me what was best for my life?

Instinctively my body curled in on itself. I would not crumble. I would not fall because of unrequited love. I would give Edward what he wanted most; my mission became living - as best as I could without light anyway. This, my proof that I loved more, might be the hardest thing I had ever tried to do, but I was determined to be successful. Even if Edward appeared out of thin air, his refusal to change me was still enough to keep us apart. I was back to thinking of my life as a tragedy. There was no hope for a happy ending. Not this time. I closed my eyes and let the tears fall. Tomorrow, I would pick up the pieces. Today, I would wallow for the last time.

The sun shining in my eyes woke me from a deep slumber. I yawned and stretched as best I could without yanking the IV needle out of the hand. Apparently, my veins were so bad when I was admitted they couldn't find one in my arm and had to use one in my hand to deliver the nutrients my body so desperately needed. I wished my heart could be healed the same way. I squinted into the brightness and saw Jacob's outline. He looked so uncomfortable trying to squeeze his six feet nine inches onto the pull-out that was certainly designed for an average sized person. His feet hung off the end and touched the floor. I smiled at him as my eyes adjusted to the light. He was my protector in more ways than he knew. Unfortunately, my new mission required that I lean on him and I hoped he would let me. I had already taken so much from him. He was here, away from his friends and family, for me.

The doctor came in a few hours later. My breakfast had not reappeared so he decided that I could go home as long as I promised to follow a strict, healthy diet. He also made me promise to take it easy for at least a week. I quickly assented and he left to start the release paperwork. Jacob was excited about the idea of being able to take back our townhome. He rushed off to get me some clean clothes and I was alone. Not a good thing, but something I needed to become accustomed.

My door opened and I looked up expecting to see a nurse or the doctor. My mouth dropped open in shock when I my eyes met two totally unexpected topaz orbs. I could not move or speak; I was paralyzed with a mixture of fear, anger and … _longing_. After what seemed like hours, I was able to blink. This had to be my imagination. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed reality to take over again. Luck and actuality were not on my side because when I opened them nothing had changed.

The figure stood stone still in the doorway ostensibly as emotion riddled as I was. That was another thing I certainly never expected; a flabbergasted vampire was without doubt a rare thing to behold. As much time as I spent around the sparkling skinned beauties made me a self-proclaimed expert on all things vampiric it seemed. I laughed at my own thoughts before catching myself. The surprised expression in front of me turned into an emotionless mask. I cringed at this all too familiar sight. The unpredictable was better than the nothingness. I really hated the oblivion. I had experienced way too much of that lately. My arms wrapped protectively around me as my visitor inched closer. _I will not break, I will not break, I will not break._ The mantra chanted in my head and I willed it to be true. No, I _needed_ it to be. I had to be strong. I fought the tears that threatened to expose my vulnerability and steeled myself against his capacity to destroy me for the umpteenth time. I squared my shoulders as I looked straight into his eyes prepared to send him away forever.

Jacob returned just moments after my unanticipated visitor had darted from the room explaining his quick departure. Jake's stance was rigid and I could tell he was fighting the instinct to phase. He searched the room for a minute before turning to me. My head shook from side to side to let him know he wan no longer here. Without saying a word Jacob bolted out of the room. My head fell to my hands as I worried about what would happen if he found exactly what he was after.

There was a duffel bag on the floor that I assumed Jacob had dropped in his haste. I carefully climbed out of bed pulling the IV stand with me and grabbed the bag off the floor before heading into the bathroom to change. I quickly realized there was no way to get my shirt on with the tube that was still stuck in my hand so I headed back to bed. The nurse appeared a few minutes later to take out the offending object and assisted me with getting dressed. A wheelchair was brought a short time later followed by an administration nurse with my discharge papers. A few signatures later I was free to go. Only one problem remained. My ride was no where to be found. I allowed the volunteer who came to escort me outside wheel me to the lobby. There I sat for over an hour in anxious anticipation.

Several people approached me to make sure I had a way home. At first I was reassuring, but then I began to wonder. What was happening to keep Jacob away? Was he okay? Right when all sanity was trickling away with horrible images of my Jacob torn and bleeding, he appeared at the automatic doors.

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**A/N:** Let me know what you thought of this chapter.

I'm planning on posting Edward's POV of at least the first chapter sometime today :-) It will be titled Outtakes for Luminance Of Night


	19. Onward

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters, SM does.

**A/N:** Sorry about the epic failure in updating. I did manage to get the second chapter from Edward's pov posted under the outtakes for this story so I hoped you had a chance to check it out while waiting...

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Jacob did not speak a word as we left the hospital and returned to the townhouse we had been calling home for the past month and a half. As soon as we walked in the door he started throwing everything he could get his hands on into the same duffel bags he used when he snatched me away from Forks several months ago. I sat on my bed with my head resting on my knees as he threw the clothes from the closet into one of the bags. I wished he wouldn't bother. I was never going to wear any of them again. They would only remind me of the lie I was living with Jacob. The sight of Edward standing in the doorway of my hospital room only to leave at the first warning of Jacob's presence was baffling me. Why did he run away? I could not make sense of it at all. Had Edward somehow realized I was resolved in that one brief moment to make our separation permanent? He could not read my mind but he was always so good at reading my expressions.

Maybe I had slowly been going insane during my time away from Forks. My mind had created an alternate reality in order to survive the traumatic experience of being kidnapped by another male hell-bent on saving me. I had convinced myself I wanted an Edward-free life and Jake was aiding me with that choice, but, sitting here watching Jake prepare to run again, I found I could not breathe. Edward was my air. I felt like I had been going through life in a zombie-like state but seeing Edward had snapped me back into myself. There was no way I was going to let Jacob take me away from him again, mentally or physically.

"I'm not going with you, Jacob." My tone was determined but I was shaking on the inside. I knew he could easily take me by force if he wanted.

"Bella, please don't make this harder than it already is." His words came out through clinched teeth.

"You are the one who is making things more difficult than they have to be. I could be in Forks right now rather than on the run with you. I miss Charlie and the rest of my family and friends. This is so stupid and you know it!" My voice got louder with each word I spoke. I knew better than to mention any of the Cullens by name because he would only get angrier.

"You don't understand." He sounded so defeated but I refused to back down. I was too mad.

"_I_ don't understand? Are you serious? And I thought I was the delusional one. Listen to me Jacob Black. I. Am. Going. Home." I turned to the door and began walking away from him.

"Bella, I cannot let you go out there alone." He gently grabbed my arm and turned me to face him again. Tears of anger and regret were streaming down my face. The gaping hole in my chest ripped me wide open and I fell to my knees. I rested my head on the floor at Jacob's feet. "Please, Jacob. I need to go home." The sobs took over and I was unable to say anything else.

"Okay, but only if you let me take you there. I am completely incapable of letting you out of my sight." His warmth surrounded me as he crouched beside me and enveloped me in a tight embrace. "I just love you so much it hurts and I know that if anything bad happened to you I would die."

"You don't love me." I choked out. If he truly loved me he would not have done this to me.

"Yes, I do. Bella, I have always loved you. Even as kids I knew that my feelings for you went above and beyond normal friendship. You love Edward, I know that, but I'm your best friend. That's enough for me. There is this connection that some werewolves form with another that is so strong nothing can break it. Most of the time we fall in love with that person in a romantic way but that is not always the case. I can't explain it right." He stuttered throughout his speech and I was utterly confused as to what he was trying to tell me.

"You know I have no idea what you're trying to tell me right?" I stared at him in bewilderment. He had just told me he would take me home but he wanted me to understand some wolf thing first. I was beyond frustrated with him.

"Ugh! I can't say it without sounding so stupid!" He tugged at his hair and his eyes scrunched closed.

"Just say it, Jake." I tried to keep the annoyance I was feeling out of my tone. This was obviously something we had to get through before we could leave.

"You remember how Sam broke up with Leah for Emily?"

"Of course I do." I could never forget how devastated Leah looked after Sam left her. Her pain had mirrored mine.

'Well, he did love Leah, very much, but he didn't have a choice after he met Emily. He imprinted on her and there was no one else in the world who meant as much to him as she did. It's like gravity is pulling you toward that one person. She's all you can think about and you would do anything, be anything she needed. Absolutely anything. Even just her best friend if that is what she needed. Bella, you are that person for me. I felt so strongly for you before but once I changed, my feelings just got stronger. I feel like there are these metal threads coming from every point of my being that keep me attached to you. Do you understand?" His eyes looked at me with desperation. Of course, I understood exactly what he meant. It was the way I felt about Edward only I knew I would never be able to settle with just being Edward's friend.

"Yes." I fought the tears that threatened to consume me. His words had stretched the hole impossibly larger and it was too much. I needed air but I couldn't breathe. The only things holding me together were Jacob's arms and his promise to take me back to where my life was hopefully still waiting for me. He squeezed me and then helped me up.

"Let's get you home then." He grabbed the bags and my hand before heading to the SUV. Anxiety, fear, confusion, anticipation, longing all battled to be the center of my conflicting emotions.

We did not make it halfway down the driveway before the earth disappeared out from under me. Cold arms encircled me and I was twirling around too fast for comfort. If this did not stop soon I would be sick.

"BELLA! Bella, Bella, Bella." Emmett was holding me in a death grip and hurting my ears with his yells. But I could not care less about the pain. I was way too happy at the moment. I hugged him back with every bit of strength I had and laughed heartily. A growl erupted behind me and I just rolled my eyes without even a glance in the direction of the noise.

"Jake, you know he won't hurt me so stop spoiling the moment." I was too excited to be angry with him though. Emmett being there was just too good to be true.

"Can you at least stop squeezing her so hard? She can barely breathe you idiot." He seemed to be working hard to control his emotions so I was relieved when Emmett finally released me and set me back on good old terra firma before fur started bursting through Jake's skin.

"Not that I am not completely ecstatic to see you, Em, but what are you doing here?" I smiled up at him and waited patiently for his explanation. My good mood started to fade when his face fell and he looked around sheepishly.

"Edward told me about finding you at the hospital." His eyes darted around and refused to meet mine. He was hiding something. "We've been tracking you ever since trying to find you. He waited to tell us so it wasn't exactly easy."

"I saw him in the hospital but he ran away. Why?" I fought tears as I watched Emmett's expression darken further.

"Bells, he thinks you ran away with teen wolf over there because you wanted to be the bride of werewolf." I opened my mouth to protest but he stopped me. "Jake was thinking about something that led Edward to believe you two were happy. He tried to convince us to leave you alone but we refused. We thought maybe he was wrong. Was he?" Emmett's eyes finally met mine and bored into them as if searching for the answer before I had a chance to confirm his suspicion.

"Jake was attempting to keep me safe but I am not here of my own free will." I whispered. Emmett smiled in relief.

"Not that it really would have mattered to any of us. You're our sister now and nothing will ever change that. Not even sleeping with the enemy." The smile stretched impossibly further across his face and I had to laugh at his unimaginative references. His words from before finally sank in and I turned toward the boy I had just mentally returned to best friend status.

"What were you thinking that would make Edward think I was happy here with you?" My tone was harsh but I was past pussyfooting around Jake's feelings. He needed a good dose of reality.

"Bells, I'm always imagining what our life could be like if you had never met the posse of evil you call friends. I can't help wanting more." Jacob was finally sticking with honesty. Maybe telling me about the whole imprinting thing had helped lighten his load a little. I tried really hard to forgive him for stealing the last two months of my life.

I turned back to Emmett just in time to see Alice's tiny form gliding toward me with her arms held wide. Her embrace was comforting and silent tears streamed down my face. She was like coming home after a long absence but then realizing your parents had redecorated your room. Edward was not here; I would feel it if he were. I noticed Jasper and Rosalie had joined Emmett and they were looking at me skeptically.

"Edward is an idiot for assuming Jake's thoughts meant Bella wanted what Jake did. Emmett was making sure his family knew Edward's assumptions had been incorrect. His family visibly relaxed, even Rose.

"Well, you know what they say about making assumptions." Rose's voice startled me. For once she looked at me and I did not think she wanted to kill me. Emmett looked at her like she was crazy. "It makes an ass out of you and me." She explained and rolled her eyes when Emmett erupted in laughter. The hole in my heart healed a little and I ran over to hug a surprised Rosalie. Even sisters who loved one another hated each other sometimes. Whether or not Edward accepted it, this was my family. Rose pulled away a little but put her arm around my shoulders. "Let's get her home before Charlie keels over from exhaustion." She led me a street over where Emmett's jeep was parked.

Poor Charlie, Billy had told me how worried he was but I had been too deep in denial to really think about it too much. I guess it was better to escape than face how my disappearance was affecting my parents. Hopefully, they would forgive me and Charlie could refrain from shooting Jacob. If he knew a gunshot wound would probably just keep Jake down for a few days rather than kill him, Charlie would certainly use him for target practice.

Emmett loaded me into the back seat and I turned to see Jacob waiting to follow us in his car. I was going home and Edward would eventually have to come to terms with the fact that he was my home. I was never giving up on us again. He held my heart and my soul. I refused to live a life that tortured us both. There was only one way to make things right between us. One of my family members, I was certain, would agree to change me if he refused. Suddenly, knowing that fact helped me relax and I fell asleep in Alice's arms in the back seat as Emmett drove me back to where I belonged.

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**Notes**: The reviews have drastically dwindled for this story and, honestly, it makes it hard to keep putting the words together to finish this crazy tale of angst, love, heartbreak, and reunions. I wish it didn't effect me so much but it does.


	20. Homecoming

**Standard Disclaimer:** I don't own it, SM does.

**A/N:** I know I promised to have this chapter out yesterday and I'm so sorry that it's a day later than I planned.

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When the Jeep stopped in front of Charlie's home, I froze. The thirty two hour drive had not given me enough time to come to terms with the probable loss of my freedom. Charlie was almost certainly going ground me for the rest of my natural life. Sometime during the trip, Jasper had taken over driving Jacob could sleep and we made the nearly 3,000 mile trip in less than a day and half. Glancing at the house, I wished it had taken much longer, but it only would have delayed the inevitable. The curtain in the living room moved and seconds later the front door was thrown open by a very distraught looking Charlie. He seemed to have aged five years in the two months I had been gone. His relief must have superseded his anger for the time being because he rushed over and wrapped me into a tight hug.

"Oh, Bells, I've missed you. You're too thin kid." His voice was tainted with sobs but he fought to keep the tears from leaving his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Dad. I love you." I rarely said that to him but decided I would make it a point to tell him how much he meant to me every chance I got from then on. He tightened his hold on me and looked over my head to address the members of the Cullen family who were standing awkwardly in front of the Emmett's Jeep.

"I guess I owe you guys for bringing my daughter back to me. Thanks." His body tensed as Jacob stepped out from behind Emmett with his eyes glued to the ground in front of him. "As for you, I hope you have a mighty good reason for taking my Bells and it better be good enough to keep me from throwing your sorry butt in jail." Charlie was angrier than I had ever seen him before but he did not release me from his grasp which, I'm sure, was difficult considering how much it seemed he wanted to rip Jake's limbs from his body. I pressed my face into my Dad's chest and sobbed as he led me into the house indicting to everyone else to follow us.

Alice and I went straight up to my room and I collapsed onto my bed. It smelled like Edward which brought a fresh round of tears. How could he have believed I had left him voluntarily? He did not even speak to me when he found me in the hospital. Alice held me against her as I cried myself to sleep. I would deal with his absence tomorrow. My dreams had intentions of their own, however, and I dreamed of Edward standing in the doorway. One dream let me imagine he ran over to me and swore to never let me out of his sight again. The next dream showed him leaving over and over again. I awoke crying in my dark room. The clock next to me indicated it was three in the morning but I knew trying to go back to sleep would be futile. I sighed into the darkness. Almost instantly I felt a cold hand caress my face.

"Bella, are you okay?"

The tears started streaming down my face at the sound of his beautiful voice. The fact that his tone was soft and filled with worry almost overwhelmed me. Not only was Edward in my room but he was not angry with me, at that moment anyway. And that was enough to break all the walls I had built since the day I realized he intended to walk away from everything we had together.

"Please don't cry." Edward's arms pulled me into his lap and against his chest. For several minutes I simply absorbed his presence and cried softly. I tried to speak but nothing came out so I just enjoyed my position against my rock. He held me tighter than he usually allowed and it felt wonderful. I must have fallen asleep in his arms because the next time I opened my eyes a dim light was filtering into my bedroom. A blanket was wrapped around me but I was still in his arms. I tightened my hold on him and he laughed quietly.

"I can't even tell you how much I've missed you." I knew I should be angry with him for abandoning me right after finding me in the hospital in Tennessee but I just did not have it in me to be anything but ecstatic that he was with me.

"I missed you too, Bella. And I'm sorry about what happened. It was stupid and I should have trusted your love. I promise that will never occur again as long as I live." He turned my face up so that our eyes met before kissing me softly. I let him lead the kiss, unwillingly to push too far and force him to his limits. He surprised me by intensifying the kiss and I jumped when I felt his cool tongue sweep across my lips. He smiled but did not separate his lips from mine. I opened my mouth slightly and allowed his tongue entrance. The feeling was so intense that I thought I might faint. Way too soon Edward pulled away but he did go far. He smiled warmly apparently pleased by my reaction to our first openmouthed kiss.

"That was…" I could not find a word good enough to describe how that felt.

"Amazing." He supplied and we both smiled.

We had a lot of baggage to go through before our relationship could move forward but I finally knew that our lives were welded together and I would never have to experience the pain of living without him again. I sat in his arms relishing in the comfort and security I found there. Noises of Charlie greeting the day drifted through the house and I knew our bubble of bliss was about to pop. Charlie had been caught up in the emotions of having me home safely the night before but I was not dumb enough to think I was off the hook completely. I remained optimistic that he would let me out of the house again before graduation. Once I heard Charlie head downstairs, I extricated myself from Edward's embrace and headed to the bathroom. I wanted to catch my Dad before he left to go fishing. The last thing I needed was to give him several quiet hours to debate on the best course of discipline to inflict on his runaway daughter. I headed down to the kitchen and hoped Edward would wait for me to return. His eyes were light gold so I knew he had hunted since I had seen him last. Hopefully, we could have a day of nothing other than taking pleasure in each other's company.

"Good morning, Dad." I walked over to where he was sitting at the table and hugged him before going over to the cabinets to retrieve a bowl, a spoon, a box of cereal and milk.

"Morning, Bells. How did you sleep?" His cheeks had darkened a little when I hugged him but he recovered quickly. He would just have to get used to the increased physical contact between us.

"Great actually, it was so nice to be back in my own bed." I hoped he'd realize how happy I was to be home and go easy on me.

"I should ground you until you're thirty, you know that?" His tone was harsher than I expected but he wasn't yelling so I took that as a good sign.

"I certainly would not blame you." I prepared my breakfast with shaking hands as he continued.

"Bells, I was really worried about you. Promise you'll never put me through that again?" He looked up at me pleadingly.

"I promise, Dad." But I wondered if I would be able to keep that promise.

"I expect you home in the afternoons after school and all day on Sundays. As long as I know exactly where you are, you can have Saturdays off, but if you pull anymore stunts then I'll take those away too." He stood up to clean up his breakfast, effectively ending the conversation. It was worse that I wanted but better than I feared.

A loud knock on the door startled both of us. I followed Charlie to the front door too curious to wait in the kitchen. He pushed me behind him before opening the door.

"It's a little early don't you think, Jake?" Charlie did not punch him and I was hopeful that meant he would not be too hard on Jacob either.

"Sorry, Charlie but I really need to talk to Bella." His voice was frantic and when I leaned around my Dad I was surprised to see how upset Jacob appeared.

"Jake, what's wrong?" I was genuinely worried but Charlie was determined not to back down from the restrictions he had just set.

"Bella, you are grounded, remember?"

"Can't he at least come in and tell me whatever is so important that made him come over here so early?" I tried to channel Alice and gave my best attempt at a pout.

"As long as you don't run off with him again." Charlie was actually being sarcastic.

Jake sniffed the air and made a face that pretty much assured me Edward was still in my bedroom. I led him to the living room and sat on the couch as Charlie left us to get ready for his typical Sunday morning fishing trip. The expression that darkened Jacob's features really had me nervous and I could barely wait for Charlie to get out of earshot before I started drilling Jake for information.

"What is it?" I whispered.

"That red head made a run at the rez this morning and she nearly got through. Sam sent me over to keep an eye on you." As Jake finished speaking I noticed Edward standing just outside the room.

"Bella, we need to get you to the house. I can't risk her finding a way to get to you." Edward already had a bag packed for me but I knew Charlie would not allow me to leave this house today.

"Edward, you know I can't." I looked between him and Jacob worriedly. There was no way Charlie would forgive me if I ran off again. I had barely been home for twelve hours. Leaving Charlie unguarded was not something I wanted to do either.

"The pack chased her as far as Canada. I don't think she'll be back anytime today anyway. Bella should be safe here for the time being." Jacob's mood was not improved. I wondered what was really bothering him but I did not want to bring it up in front of Edward.

"Edward, why don't you let your family know what is going on? I know they would appreciate being informed as soon as possible."

As soon as Edward stepped outside to make the call, I turned back to Jacob.

"What is going on with you? I know something is wrong beyond Victoria's visit."

"I'm not a part of the pack anymore." His head fell to his chest and a tear trailed down his cheek. I did not know how to respond to that. The pack dynamic was still very much a mystery to me. I knew when they were in wolf form they could hear each others' thoughts but that Jake hadn't heard them since he denied Sam's order and took flight with me flung over his shoulder.

"I don't understand." I put my hand on his arm to try to comfort him.

"Technically, I outrank Sam because of my lineage and I should have been alpha but I didn't want it. When I first phased and Sam offered it to me I turned him down. Apparently, I unknowingly became an alpha when I refused to follow Sam's command to leave you alone. So, I'm basically a pack of one. It sucks. As much as I hated the voices in my head, I miss them now." He glared at his hands and would not look at me.

"Can't you choose to rejoin the pack or something?" I really wanted to make this better for him but I had no idea how.

"It doesn't appear that way and there can only be one alpha in a pack so I don't know what is going to happen." His hands came up to cover his face and his shoulders slumped forward in defeat. Edward came back into the room and frowned at the hand I was using to rub Jake's back. I rolled my eyes at him and continued to attempt to soothe my friend.

"We'll find a way to make this right. There has to be something we can do." I tried to reassure him but I had no idea what, if anything could be done.

"The family is on their way and will be here right after Charlie leaves." Edward disappeared as I heard Charlie's footsteps on the stairs.

My Dad conveniently ignored the large boy sobbing on his couch and said a quick goodbye before heading out the door. I was once again grateful for his avoidance of anything emotional. My arms wrapped around Jake's shoulders and he turned into me. His whole body shook with the agony he was feeling. I knew the Cullens were likely assembled in my backyard coming up with a plan to keep me alive but I was more concerned with the broken boy-man in my arms. Despite the fact he had the physique and responsibilities of a much older person, Jacob only had sixteen years of experience to pull from and he was still just a boy in so many ways. He never asked to be made a protector of La Push yet he was devastated by the thought that he was no longer a member of the group who had become his family. Voices drifted in through the kitchen and the small room was quickly filled with bodies. All of the Cullen clan was present as were Sam, Embry, Paul and Quil.

"There is no sign that she has attempted to double back yet but we're certain it's only a matter of time." Edward stopped when he saw me holding Jacob but I could not bring myself to let him go. I mouthed an apology to Edward and he turned back to the others. "I really appreciate your willingness to work with us to keep Bella safe, Sam. Thank you." With that Edward vanished from my sight.

Alice looked at me questioningly before making excuses and following her brother. Would my life ever stop being a serious of unfortunate events?

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**Notes: **You read so please review it :-)

We're only a few chapters away from the end!


	21. Getting It Back

**Disclaimer:** You know the drill. S. Meyer owns the original plot. I own the twisted words below but not the characters.

**A/N:** This is a shorter chapter but I had to split it where I did so I hope you can forgive me.

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Neither Edward nor Alice returned as the Cullens and the pack began plotting plans of attack. I tuned out the conversation going on around me and wondered why things kept getting so messed up between Edward and me. We loved each other so much and I just wanted that to be enough. But we both had our reasons for keeping each other at arm's length. Jake's hand wrapped around mine and he pulled me up to my room. I followed without question, ignoring the strange looks from everyone else in the tiny living area. I had to get out of there and my Jacob was hurting. He needed me and I was going to be there for him despite his asinine behavior over the last few months. Even though I did not want to admit the fact, I was wholly dependant on Jake, especially when Edward was not around. The look that crossed over Edward's face right before he left was almost enough to rip me open again. The hole had mended tremendously overnight but the doubts were creeping back in and the wounds were still raw.

"Bells, you okay?" Jacob was sitting on my bed next to me with an arm draped over my shoulder. I knew I should shrug him away in case Edward decided to return but I just needed his touch too much. I leaned into his side and sighed.

"Will he ever stop leaving? Even when he's telling me how much he loves me his thoughts are centered on leaving. I don't understand." I allowed the tears to flow but refused to give into the darkness that threatened to envelope me again.

"I think so. I mean, he loves you but I know he thinks he's not good enough." There were a few minutes of silence while I contemplated Jake's words. "He's right, you know." My head snapped up so I could glare at him.

"Why do you say that?" I tried to be angry and defensive but I knew Jacob only had the best of intentions when it came to anything to do with me.

"He's a monster, Bells. He tries to be something better and I respect that more than you'll ever know but it is a constant battle for him. Every time he's near you, I can see the bloodlust in his eyes. He's as worried as I am that one day it will become too much for him to control. You should not have to live in the shadow of the monster. Don't look at me like that. Edward knows this and that's why he distances himself from you. He does it to keep you safe from him." Jake lay back onto the bed and I followed.

"He hurts whenever he's around me but he refuses to change me. He thinks he'll take away my soul."

"Yeah, I know. He's also worried that you'll regret it one day."

"How do you know that?" I questioned.

"He told me. You two haven't known each other all that long and he is the only _person_ you have felt this way about." His voice faltered on the word person but I appreciated his attempt to remain civil. "He's scared that you'll end up resenting him and realize that you deserve so much better than to be condemned with him. You're only eighteen, Bells. Why can't you just give this a little time?"

"Time is my enemy right now. I'm already physically older than Edward. If he waits a few years to change me, I worry how we'll be able to explain our relationship. I want to be with him but I don't want to have to shun all other society for the rest of my life because of our age difference." Surprisingly, this conversation was really helping me figure out all my insecurities and issues surrounding my relationship with Edward.

"I don't think you have to worry too much about that. You barely look sixteen now, I'm sure a few years won't make that much of a difference. You will probably still look younger than him." He looked at me with a smile on his face.

"You're right. I think I'm just so worried that if we wait too long he'll realize that I'm just this plain, ordinary girl and he will reject me." Wow where did that come from?

"Don't ever say that again!" His eyes showed his fury so I quickly moved away from him and off the bed. "You are not plain or ordinary, Bella. You are beautiful both inside and out. You are an amazing woman and ANY man you give your heart to is the luckiest on earth." Jacob had never been this adamant about anything before so I chose not to argue with him.

A knock on my bedroom door saved me from his intense stare. I opened the door to a very distressed Edward. My arms immediately wrapped around him and my eyes closed against his chest. I knew we were moving but I refused to pay attention to anything other than the feeling of him against me. I never wanted to be away from him and I knew that meant I would have to reevaluate some of my views on how our future should play out. The wind stopped moving around us and I looked up to find we were in the meadow. The familiar surroundings were a welcome sight. Edward released me and I sat on the damp ground unconcerned about my comfort.

"I'm sorry; I just couldn't stand to hear you pouring your heart out to him when I knew you should be sharing those things with me." Edward sat down across from me and positioned himself right in my line of sight.

"We haven't had much time alone together recently. I really did want to talk to you about these things but you just kept running away or planning to anyway." I tried to look away but he held my face in his hands. He leaned over and kissed me. Once again he stunned me with his intensity. He pulled me into his lap and parted my lips with his cold tongue. His hands rubbed up and down my back before they grabbed onto my hips. I was pretty sure I would have bruises there in the morning but I found myself wishing he would hold me tighter. My hands found their way to his hair and grabbed hold of it. A smile crept onto my face when Edward's hands started to roam. I was making out with Edward Cullen and it felt amazing.

After what felt like only minutes but was probably hours, Edward began decreasing the passion of our groping session before finally giving me one last chaste kiss and pulling me to my feet. My legs wobbled beneath me causing me to stumble forward and back into his arms.

"The only time I feel at home is when you're holding me." I chanced a glance at his face and was elated to see a huge smile.

"Please forgive me." He pleaded.

"For what?" I was nervous and afraid. Was he going to tell me he was leaving despite everything?

"I am much too selfish to ever let you go, Isabella." His lips met mine before I could respond. I really liked selfish Edward.

"We better get you back before Charlie comes home." With that he slung me onto his back and took off running through the trees.

Charlie came home just as I was setting the table for dinner. Jacob was still moping around the house and I worried that my Dad would be angry to find him here so I worked hard to make a lavish dinner to, hopefully, keep his mind off of crushing Jake's skull. The fishing trip had been successful and we were out of room in the freezer by the time Charlie was finished loading it with his latest catch.

"We're going to be eating nothing but fish for months." I teased my Dad as Jacob walked into the kitchen and sat at the table.

Charlie looked over at him and sighed but I placed a plate full of food in front of him right at that moment to distract him. Luckily, it worked and we ended up having a nice evening together. My Dad did not even complain when Jacob joined him in the living room to watch whatever game was on that night. I went up to my room feeling lighter than I had in a very long time. Edward sat in my rocking chair as I busied myself getting prepared for school the next day. I was transferring back to Forks High so that I could spend at least part of each day with Edward and Alice. My Saturdays were going to have to be divided between the vamps and the wolves. I was not looking forward to that conversation. Edward would not be happy with my plans to split my time among the Cullens and La Push.

I took a long, hot shower and crawled into bed with Edward at my side.

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**Notes: **I thoroughly enjoy watching the reader count knowing that you all are actually reading the words my strange mind wields. Thank you for staying with this story and allowing me to take it this far. I owe a special thanks to those of you who have encouraged me from the very beginning. Some of you have reviewed almost every chapter and I send a special shout-out to you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for asking me not to give up on this tale and begging me to continue. I love you ~ you know who you are ~

Let me know what you would like to see happen next. I'm just curious where you see the story going from here. Who knows, you may make me rewrite the next few chapters :-)


	22. Hormones

**Disclaimer**: You know SM own the original plot and that I just wanted to play with the idea of turning the tables on Edward's little world...

**A/N**: I'm really sorry about how long it has taken me to get this chapter to you and I hope you are not too disappointed at how short it is. This one was almost impossible to write. It's such a crucial moment and changes everything regarding how Bella sees her future with Edward. I knew this one was coming and who was going to make Bella face the realities of her situation but knowing it and writing were two very different things. The next chapter will be up much faster and, I promise, it will be much longer. I can't promise this story is arriving at its happily ever after yet though. Things are about to get really heartbreaking. Sorry about that but it has to be this way. This chapter isn't too bad though.

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Angela just about knocked me over when she saw me at school on Monday. She did not even try to hide her excitement. And, life returned to the way it had been at the beginning of the school year with little effort. My schedule was even the same and I was certain Edward had something to do with that but I was not complaining since we had every class together. As happy as I was to be back in the swing of things, I could not stop thinking about Jacob. He was miserable without his other pack members. There had to be a way to make that aspect of his life right again. Since returning to Forks, his days consisted of running the patrol lines and trying to catch up on all the missed schoolwork. He had a new determination to graduate so I was helping him as much as possible. Charlie made it easier by allowing Jake over each afternoon as long as we spent the time studying. He was the exception though and not even Alice was granted the same privilege.

Within days of our return Victoria renewed her attempts to end my life. Most of her newborn accomplices had been destroyed by the pack but she seemed to have a few more mature vampires aiding her in her endeavors. Needless to say, I was never left unguarded. Edward and I had little to no alone time thus we had still not discussed our future. Not that I went out of my way to start that conversation either. It was not something I was looking forward to at all. We had a lot of hurdles to jump before we had a chance at happily ever after. My biggest fear was that we would not be able to come to a compromise we could both live with which would lead to the ending of our relationship. That thought resulted in the return of the hole in my chest. I had run away to save myself from the devastation that would come from watching him leave but, somehow, we were right back at square one. Hopefully, Edward meant it when he told me he realized there was no way he could live without me. He had to see that his idea of how our life together should be was completely unrealistic. There was no way I was going to grow old while allowing an everlasting seventeen year old watch. Certainly, Edward did not expect me to be okay with dying a virgin even though the love of my life was right next to me.

I was lost in my thoughts when my window opened and closed quickly letting me know my night watchman had arrived. When I turned around to greet Edward with a smile, I was shocked to find it was not Edward in my room.

"Bella." She gave me a curt nod before continuing. "Sorry, I know I'm not who you expected to see but I talked my brother into letting me watch over you tonight. He needs to hunt and I want to talk to you. Have a heart to heart, if you will." Rosalie actually smiled at me although it did seem a bit forced. I thought I must be dreaming and tried to remember going to sleep.

"What do you want, Rose?" I really did try to keep my tone civil. I must not have been very successful though.

"You really don't think much of me do you?" She chuckled and the emotion actually matched her eyes. "I guess I haven't given you much reason to, huh?"

I had no idea what to say to her. Quickly, my curiosity got the better of me and I asked again why she was in my room.

"Please promise you will hear me out without interruption and that you will defer passing judgment until I've finished?" Her request seemed reasonable enough so I nodded my head and she continued.

"My detest for what I am is not something I have ever tried to hide. I would trade almost anything to be human again. But, I do not miss the life I left behind. Did Edward tell you the story of what led to Carlisle changing me?"

I shook my head. He had told me the others' stories but never Rosalie's. I never thought much of it before now.

"Always the gentleman, our Edward. My story is not a happy one and I won't share it all with you now. I was raped and left for dead by my fiancé and a group of his friends. They were drunk and I was arrogant. I lived a pampered life doted on by my parents and encouraged to flaunt my beauty for their social gain. I agreed to marry a man I did not love but I thought would give me the things I wanted. He appreciated my looks and I appreciated his ability to provide me with a family and a nice home. The rest did not matter to me. I was eighteen. I will always be eighteen. I was frozen with this resentment, grief and anger. As hard as I try to move past what happened that night, I can't seem to find away to truly do that. I believe that is because of my age. Physically and emotionally I will forever be eighteen and that limits my ability to mature or change my way of thinking.

"Edward may be over a century old when it comes to life experiences but he was frozen as a seventeen year old when he was changed. That means he is always going to have the emotional capacity of a teenager. I do not agree with your desire to become one of us because I'm not sure that you completely comprehend everything you are giving up to be with him." She put up her hand to stop me when I opened my mouth to argue with her. "With that said, I do know what love feels like and that, despite the fact that I hate the idea of anyone willingly choosing this life, I also understand that your life would feel meaningless without Edward in it. I see it every time you look at him. So, my point is that either you and Edward work this out soon or you need to find a way to move on with your life. He will never mature no matter how long he lives but you will for as long as you remain human. And you will only end up resenting his presence in your life if you two continue this unbalanced game you are playing." She looked at me with sympathy in her eyes and I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Her words reinforced the fears I already had. She was right. To my utter surprise, Rosalie hugged me tight and stayed until I cried myself to sleep.

I was determined to find an opportunity in the very near future to have a completely open conversation with Edward. I just hoped he and I could find a way out of this with our relationship intact. My mind was determined but my heart faltered.

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**A/N:** So? What do you think this means for our favorite little couple?


	23. Rejection

**Disclaimer:** SM owns the original plot and characters of Twilight. I make no profit from the words below.

**A/N:** This was the hardest chapter yet. I rewrote it about ten times. I will be hiring a bodyguard as soon as I submit it. Please remember to trust me! For better or for worse, I give you Chapter 23, Rejection...

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I awoke to find Rosalie sitting patiently in the rocking chair across my room. She encouraged me to go take care of my human needs and promised she would still be there when I returned. I took my time brushing my teeth and getting dressed because the look on Rose's face had me concerned. I really hoped the progress we made the night before was not going to backfire on me. Before then I had not realized how much I wanted her and I to be friends or, at the very least, for her not to hate me so much. She was the only Cullen who had not welcomed me with open arms – well maybe besides Jasper but that was nothing personal, just blood – and I desperately craved her approval of my presence.

"Bella, someone will be here soon to take my place guarding you. I just have one more thing I want to tell you about the nature of vampires before I leave. We mate once and it is for life. If Edward tries to tell you that he can or will get over you he's lying. Edward will never stop loving you or wanting you. Knowing my brother, he may try to convince you otherwise." With that she was gone.

Moments later Emmett jumped through the window while I was occupied at my desk and scared me senseless. Of course, he thought startling the human was hilarious and I only made matters worse by hitting his arm. At least he stopped laughing long enough to make sure I was okay. Hitting vamps hurt like hell. I really needed to learn to stop striking my supernatural friends.

"Sorry, sis, but you're stuck with me today. I made Edward promise he would stay a way until after dinner. I want time with my little sister." His dimply smile made being angry with him impossible. If I were being honest, I'd have to admit that putting off seeing Edward for a little while longer was definitely appealing to me.

Emmett's company turned out to be exactly what I needed. The great thing about Emmett is his constant attempts to make everyone around him laugh. He had a way of making me forget about my problems and allowed me to relax in his company. We spent most of the day watching television making fun of the unoriginal plots and poor acting of most of the shows we came across. He never mentioned Edward or anything else that would remind me of the terrible mess my life had become. He even tried to help me with dinner, but ended up just sitting at the table and commentating on what I was doing after he almost burned down the house. He seemed interested and disgusted by my actions. Emmett suddenly tensed and I knew it was time for him to leave. He gave me a quick hug and was gone right before Charlie walked in the door.

My day with Emmett had worked wonders on my mood. Even Charlie seemed to notice and took advantage of it by making small talk while we ate. We discussed school and my plans for the future. I was distraught when I realized that most college application deadlines had passed. I had little hope of getting into a good school at this point. Charlie encouraged me to look into it more and not to give up just yet. He really wanted what was best for me which made me feel guilty for not being more focused on my future goals. When we finished eating, he helped me clean up the kitchen before heading into the living room to camp in front of the TV for the rest of the evening. I wandered upstairs and eventually made my way to the bathroom for my nightly ritual. After showering and getting ready for bed, I made my way back downstairs to bid Charlie goodnight.

That's about the time I realized I was stalling. Emmett said he made Edward promise to stay away until after dinnertime. There was a very strong chance that Edward was waiting for me in my room, and had been for awhile, as I dawdled downstairs chatting mindlessly with Charlie who was obviously trying to concentrate on the game playing out in front of him. With a loud sigh, earning a sideways glance from Charlie, I slowly ascended the staircase that would lead me to my room and possibly the most difficult conversation I had ever had. I was quite certain that Edward loved me but I knew he was set on keeping me human as well. Would he see the wisdom behind my reasoning or would he be angered with my persistence? I honestly had no idea what to expect and that scared me. This was going to be a hundred times harder than the day I admitted to him I knew he was a vampire. I paused outside the door and wondered what I would do if he refused my request. Did I have the strength to survive every possible outcome? No, I didn't think so. I held my breath and opened the door.

And there was Edward. He was sitting stone still on the edge of my bed. His expression remained blank as I made my way into the room. I wondered if Alice had warned him about what I wanted to talk to him about. I supposed that depended on what she saw. She probably would not have said anything if she had a positive vision. His distant demeanor had me truly concerned. There was no point in putting off the inevitable any longer. Either my wildest dreams were about come true or my worst nightmare would be realized. I walked over and sat down next to him.

"No." Edward's flat tone made my blood run cold.

"No?" I asked even though I knew exactly what he meant.

"No. I will not make you like me, Bella. I cannot take your humanity and your soul from you." His tone was so final. My knees started shaking and tears streamed down my face.

"So, you don't care that I'll grow old while you watch? You don't care that in a few years I will have matured to a point where we will no longer be on the same level?" The anger began to rise to the surface and I was unable to stop the words from spewing forth from somewhere deep inside. "You are willing to watch me die? You would prefer to let me rot away than be with me?" I watched his face contort in a mixture of fury and devastation at my words but I still could not stop. "I will never love another man for as long as I live. I will spend the rest of my life feeling completely alone no matter how many people surround me. And you don't care do you?" He stood up and moved toward me but I put up my hands to stop him. This was too much. He was not going to change his mind and neither was I. We were never going to have our happily ever after and I hated him for that. "Get out."

I turned around and quickly walked to the bathroom before closing and locking the door behind me. My heart felt like it was being ripped into a million tiny pieces and the pain was excruciating. I longed for death. Bitterness consumed me as I slumped to the floor against the door. I felt him standing on the other side but he did not knock or speak. An indiscernible amount of time later coldness swept over me and I knew he was gone. A few seconds later I heard Charlie make his way to his room. I slowly made my way back to my now empty room.

"I'll never see him again." I spoke into the quiet of the night. My chest was swallowed by the dark void that had started to creep back in after he uttered the word 'no'.

The curtains that always hung open on each side of my window closed before I registered what my hands were doing. The act felt like it represented the end of hope. There was no longer any light. My life was enveloped in total darkness. For my family and friends I would endure but my life was over. Then there were also thoughts of Alice with which to contend. She had obviously told Edward about my new found determination and what I was going to say thus giving him a chance to make up his mind before we even had the opportunity to talk it out. My anger may have been somewhat unfair, but I felt it none the less. I felt like she had betrayed me.

Somehow, the world continued to spin and I managed to push my way through the immense effort of simply existing. I did see Edward again. Edward remained close yet distant. I ignored him as much as possible. Our classmates quickly realized our relationship had ended and the buzzards descended. Jessica and Lauren were as relentless in their pursuits to gain Edward's attention as Mike and Tyler were to get mine. After several weeks of trying not to, I finally had to forgive Alice. She was a persistent little nuisance. Plus, Rosalie intervened on her behalf. Apparently, Alice saw a better outcome from telling Edward than me blindsiding him. Eventually, I realized I had to trust her intentions even though she refused to tell me what exactly was better than losing Edward.

Going through the motions got easier as the days passed. At least Edward was still a part of my life. He was not entirely gone. Even though that ought to have made things worse, it somehow made the whole thing easier to bear. I knew he would find ways to remain in my life until the day I died. I really wished he'd change his mind about my request. But I was certain he would not.

With Alice's help I was accepted into Dartmouth College much to Charlie's and Renee's delight. Concerns of my future were dissipated for the next four years at least. What I would do after that, I had no idea. Senior prom was fast approaching when Alice informed me there was no way I was getting out of going. No matter how many times I refused, that freaking pixie would not relent. She promised me I would not regret attending the dance but I seriously had my doubts. Especially after Mike and Tyler found out I planned on arriving sans date. Apparently telling both of them that I had no interest in being escorted by either of them was not much of a deterrent. Part of me yearned for that same persistence from the one male I did wish to enclose me in his arms. The thought of having dancing with anyone else was almost suffocating.

One late Saturday afternoon in early May, I decided to head to La Push and spend some much needed time with Jacob. It had been almost a week since I had seen him and I was missing my friend. Plus, I knew he still struggled with no longer being a part of his pack. My truck had not even stopped completely when the driver's door was yanked open and Jacob was beaming at me. As soon as I pulled the key out of the ignition, I felt his arm around me unbuckling my seatbelt before he pulled me in for a bone crushing hug. I couldn't help laughing at his giddy behavior.

"We figured it out, Bells!" He was so excited about something and his emotions were infectious as usual.

"Figured what out, Jake?"

"About the pack stuff. I guess when I disobeyed Sam's direct order I sort of broke from the pack and took on the roll of alpha. So, basically, I became a pack of one." He shrugged his shoulders as if that explained everything.

"So, what happens now?"

"Well, we're having a big tribal counsel meeting tonight and the elders will decide if there are enough of us to have two packs protecting the rez."

"And if they decide there are not enough?" I couldn't help asking.

"Then Sam and I have to fight over the position of alpha." My face paled at his words as images flooded my head. "Just kidding, Bells." He laughed at my gullibility and I almost forgot that it was a bad idea to hit him. I glanced around for a hard object but Jake stopped my thoughts of hurting him by hugging me close to his warm body.

"Seriously, Sam said he'll step down and join my pack or we'll figure out something else. All of us are determined to make this work." He did not let me go and I felt the tension in his muscles. Jacob was worried about me. He had been since the night I showed up at his house in my pajamas crying hysterically that Edward had rejected me. Once again, Jacob had been the one to pick up the pieces of my broken soul and carefully glue me back together.

"Bells? Are you okay?" His hands started rubbing soothing circles on my back as he patiently waited for me to answer.

"As okay as I can be I guess. I'm really glad that you are working toward getting back into the brotherhood of the wolves." I tried to sound teasing to lighten the mood but failed miserably. The ground disappeared underneath me and I allowed Jacob to carry me off toward the beach.

We spent the rest of the day talking about the details of what would be discussed during the meeting that evening and all possibilities he and Sam had come up with. He hoped the elders would have even more options as well. He shared with me how scared he was of the idea of being an alpha. And I did not blame him. He was still a few months shy of his seventeenth birthday and the thought of being responsible for the lives of others was daunting. I believed in him though. As the sun began to descend into the water, Jacob walked me back to my truck. He promised to call as soon as he got back home. I reached up to kiss his cheek and give him more words of encouragement before I climbed into my truck and headed home feeling a little more optimistic than I had on the drive there. Rosalie's words regarding vampire mating suddenly began replaying in my thoughts.

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**A/N:** *peeks out from behind very large new bodyguard* So? Do you trust me? The next chapter is prom and is the beginning of the end of this crazy story of mine. Only a few chapters left... How was your senior prom?


	24. Prom

**Disclaimer**: It all belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer. I just like to play with her toys.

**A/N**: Holy Moly Spicy Guacamole. Do not adjust your monitors, this really is an update!! Sheesh, I'm ashamed at how long it has taken to get this out here and I refuse to list all the excuses I have, although they are good ones :-) Please just rest assured that I have every intention of finishing this beast and I will try my hardest to never make you wait so long again.

**Recap**: Bella left Edward to keep him from feeling the need to leave her, craziness ensues yada, yada, yada, Bella gives Edward an ultimatum - change me or leave me - and Edward chooses the latter so we find our young lovers at an impasse. This time, however, they both remain in Forks and try to be civil to each other. So, lets see where they go from here.

Without further ado, I give you Bella's Senior Prom...

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Chapter 24

Prom

The day of prom Alice came over to pry me out of bed at an ungodly hour. She insisted on having a girl day of fun. Well, maybe she considered a day at the spa fun, but it sounded more like torture to me. I was waxed, plucked and tormented to within an inch of my life. Then Alice directed the team working on us how our hair and makeup should look. With only an hour left before the limo was scheduled to arrive to pick us up we finally made it back to the Cullen house. Alice and Rosalie had been given free reign on picking out dress since I refused to endure shopping with the two of them. I had been a bit nervous about relinquishing control, but I was pleasantly surprised when they unveiled what I would be wearing. The dress was exquisite in its simplicity. And it wasn't blue. That was my only request regarding what I would be wearing to this seemingly insignificant event. The red looked somewhat daunting as Alice held the dress out to me but I had to admit the color was perfect against my skin. A smile broke out across my face as I caught sight of my reflection and Alice squealed in delight. She paired the long dress with strappy silver chunky healed shoes. The heel was so stable that I thought I might actually be able to get through the night without tripping.

We headed downstairs when Rose indicated the limo had arrived. I fought tears as I watched Jasper greet Alice and twirl her around telling her how beautiful she looked. My heart ached. I turned toward the front door intending to wait outside and was stunned to find Edward standing there in a tux watching me with a sad expression on his face. We hadn't discussed our plans for prom but I had heard Lauren talking about asking him to be her date. I tried not to think about having to endure watching Edward dance with someone else, especially a girl as beautiful as Lauren.

"Bella?" His closeness startled me. He was suddenly standing less than two feet away and gazing at me with a look of apprehension. I simply nodded in response. He was close enough for me to smell his unique fragrance that brought anxiety rather than calm these days. "I have a corsage for you is that okay?" My shock must have been evident on my face because he continued without an answer. "I know I'm not your date but I couldn't stand the thought of you missing out on even the smallest detail of this experience."

I didn't know how to respond so I just nodded again and allowed Edward to slip the unique arrangement of small red roses on my wrist. It was perfect and I felt a few tears slip out of my eyes. He quickly wiped them away and apologized. I just shook my head and started to walk toward the front porch when Esme's voice stopped me. She forced us to take dozens of pictures before she finally let the four of us leave. I wondered if we would be picking Lauren up on the way to the dance and was relieved when we pulled up in front of the school without her. I assumed Edward was meeting her there instead. I was sure she was angry about that but would never say anything that she feared might upset _the_ "gorgeous" Edward Cullen.

Edward helped me climb out of the limo and tucked my arm into his as we walked toward the gym. As much as I wanted to pull away, I couldn't force myself to do so. I had missed his touch so very much. I shuddered at the realization that I had no right to be at his side and that his date would likely have a few choice words for me if she saw us. When we made it to the doors, I stepped away from Edward and dropped my arm. Alice made sure our entrance was noticed by everyone in the room as Edward reclaimed his place at my side and took my hand holding it tightly in his. Instead of doing separate photos, Alice made us pose as a group which wasn't much more comfortable for me since the photographer instructed Edward to place his arm around my waist and he eagerly complied.

I needed to get as far from Edward as feasible after that so I headed across the floor under the excuse of getting a glass of punch. Once at the refreshment table, I sincerely regretted that decision. Mike and Tyler were standing there arguing when I approached but stopped as soon as they noticed my approach. Both turned in my direction smiling widely. Before I could react to what he was doing, Mike wrapped his arm around my shoulders and practically dragged me to the dance floor. As I opened my mouth to protest I caught sight of Lauren searching the room. There was no way I was going to watch her find who she was looking for so I held my tongue and didn't stop Mike from putting his arms around me for a slow song. My eyes found a spot on Mike's shoulder and stayed focused there without roaming as they were so wont to do whenever Edward was near. I dreaded and desired to see him all at the same time. After the song was over, Tyler took me from Mike and led me into the next dance. Luckily, it was another slow one and I avoided stepping on any toes. The two tag-teamed every other song until I had to insist on taking a break. With much difficulty I had successfully avoided any sight of Edward but the strength required to avoid even the sight of him was starting to wear me out more than dancing.

Suddenly, the atmosphere around me changed and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. My head spun about to find the source of my discomfort and I caught a flash of flaming red hair. I felt a cold hand catch me as my legs gave out underneath me. Alice gripped my arm a little too hard as she half-dragged me to the opposite side of the room from where I had just been reminded of my brittle mortality.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. The wolves have been chasing her so I couldn't see her at all. The mutts are outside unwilling to pursue her inside a gym packed full of innocent teenagers. Edward and Jasper ran after her as soon as we realized she was here and I have strict orders to get you as far away from her as possible." Alice's voice was laced with worry and anger.

_This can't be happening._ I thought she had given up her pursuit since there had been no news regarding her in months. I felt my stomach grow tight at the thought of all those I loved out there risking their lives in order to protect mine. Alice got me outside just in time to prevent the embarrassment of throwing up in the middle of my senior prom. I choked and sobbed until I had nothing left. Alice clung to my limp form as exhaustion took over. I awoke several hours later to darkness. My surroundings were familiar even with the lack of light. There was no doubt in my mind that I was in Edward's room. I sat up quickly and cringed at the pain emanating from my head.

The large windows were covered by a metal shutter. The Cullens were definitely equipped to handle almost any threat. The house felt more like a fortress as I wandered downstairs to find out who had been forced to stay behind to guard the fragile human. I was pleasantly surprised to find Seth rummaging around in the kitchen. He was too young to be out there hunting a revenge seeking vampire and I genuinely liked the kid. He smiled warmly as I sat on a stool at the large granite island. His relaxed demeanor let me know that nothing serious had happened yet and I tried to match his posture. He would know right away if anything bad occurred.

The windows downstairs were covered in the same layer of metal. At least that would give me time to prepare if Victoria somehow made it here. Certainly, I would be able to hear her ripping through the house's defenses. Maybe no warning would be better. The tears were trickling constantly but I managed to keep the sobs to a minimum. Poor Seth had no idea what to do around a crying female and I took pity on him. He obviously wanted to be by his brothers' sides fighting with them but he was stuck here fidgeting in the home of a coven of vampires. Even though he had befriended them more so than the rest of the pack, the smell still likely triggered his desire to defend his territory.

"At least they have tons of food," Seth stated as he crossed the kitchen with two plates in hand.

"Have you talked to any of them recently?" I asked, desperately needing to know something, anything.

"Edward called about an hour ago to check on you and said they were following her trail. He thinks she has a couple of newborns with her and may have more hiding somewhere. He promised he would call back as soon as they got closer to her or had any new information." Seth patted my back reassuringly and I understood that no news was likely good news.

The hours trickled by and every little noise had me jumping to my feet in anticipation. Seth tried his best to keep me distracted but nothing worked. I lost count of the number of times I died in the video game he challenged me to play with him. I wished I could channel some of his laidback demeanor. He was so certain that the pack and Cullens would return victorious and the waning hours did nothing to deflate his confidence. As midnight approached, the trembling began. I ended up curled into Seth's side in order to keep from pacing. When he suddenly tensed, I knew before he had to tell me that something horrible was about to happen.

A loud crash was followed by the sight of red eyes roaming the room searching for something. When they landed on me, a wicked smile spread across a pale face. The eyes danced with glee at their discovery as Seth phased and stood in front of me ready to defend me with his life. How could this happen? She never should have been able to get here much less inside. I had truly felt safe here, like a princess guarded in the highest tower. I listened desperately for any sound of my knight coming to the rescue but only heard her maniacal laughter followed by Seth's ferocious growling.

As Victoria advanced on her prey, Seth valiantly held his stance as my guardian. Jake had once joked that Seth had a huge crush on me. I vowed to give him a huge kiss if we made it out of this alive. When the fighting began Seth yelled at me to run but my legs refused to follow his command. Deep down in the recesses of my mind I remembered a shelter down in the basement that Edward had once told me about. At the time I thought little of his words and request that I hide there if any danger ever made its way inside the house while I was present. I knew I should use this opportunity to make a break for that room but the thought of leaving Seth behind prevented me from doing so. I stood with my back pressed against the fortified windows and watched a battle that seemed surreal in its speed and lack of contact. The two enemies danced around each other as Victoria made attempt after attempt to get past my defender. As quickly as it had begun, it ended. Seth's limp form flew through the air and slammed into the wall next to me with such force that the wall bowed upon impact and the noise left a ringing sound in my ears.

That is when I realized that my life was over. In my last moments I mentally said my goodbyes. I wished I had time to tell my parents how much I loved them, the Cullens how much they had brightened my life, Edward how much he had changed me for the better, and Jacob how sorry I was for the loss of two of his closest friends. I wondered how my death would be explained to the public and thought about how dumb I was being worrying about such things in these final moments. Would Edward blame himself? Would he follow me as he always said he would? Was there an afterlife that would allow us the time we should have had together? I cried for the loss of my future and hoped none of the other people I loved had paid the ultimate price trying to protect me. I closed my eyes as the pain of her first blows registered in my mind. She laughed as she promised my death would be slow and painful. Victoria told me how much she knew Edward would suffer when he found my mutilated body. Even though her words were meant to incite my terror further, they comforted me because they revealed that Edward was still alive. He still existed. That was enough to give me a glimmer of hope. Suddenly, there was a light at the end of this dark tunnel. I just had to ensure my heart kept beating. No matter what torture was inflicted upon me, I had to keep my blood pumping.

* * *

Reader: What? No way she is just going to leave us hanging like this!

Me: *grins sheepishly* It was the best place to pause.

Reader: I hate that explanation and it's so overused.

Me: I know, I know, but please trust me on this one.

Reader: I hate you

Me: I love you

Reader: Meh, just update soon or I'm totally flouncing

Me: The next chapter is already started and I have a clear idea of where this road leads, my young padawans.

Reader: You're such a dork

Me: I know, but you love me anyway

Reader: Whatever

Me: Until we meet again...*runs off to write feverishly*


	25. Awareness

**Disclaimer:** you know Stephanie Meyer owns it all.

**A/N:** holy moley I can't believe I'm actually posting a new chapter! I'm not going to lie, this one was brutal. It was the hardest to write and the is the hardest to post. Ugh, I wish I could revise a few hundred more times but I'm afraid I'll just keep making it worse rather than better. I've known from the beginning that we would get to this point some day and maybe the anticipation is what made this part so difficult to write. Some of it is confusing because it's meant to be. This is Bella's perspective and she is confused too, so it just seemed fair :-)

Without further ado, I give you the final chapter. Yes, there will be an epilogue so this isn't the end just yet.

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The pain was excruciating and as the seconds ticked by I became less and less confident that Edward would make it in time. Victoria was relentless in her quest to cause me as much pain as possible. She scoffed at my stubbornness and tried to convince me that my efforts were fruitless. She obviously did not know me at all. If I let her kill me those I loved most would be devastated. There was no way I was going gently into that goodnight. Despite my best efforts, however, my body began to shut down and the darkness started to descend. I did not have much longer but I fought to stay conscious. All control would be lost if I could not stay awake and aware.

"No, no, no, my pet," Victoria's sugary sweet voice echoed in my ear as she pulled me roughly to my feet. I was pretty sure at least one of my legs was broken and the smell of my blood permeated the air so I knew my body was badly injured. "I had intended to just leave your corpse for your lover to find, but now I'm thinking my revenge will be that much sweeter if I get to see the look in his eyes as he watches you take your last breath." She licked my cheek and the icy touch caused me to shiver.

"You severely overestimate his feelings for me," I whispered through gritted teeth. I wanted her to realize she was completely mistaken so that her vengeance would taste a little bitter. She truly believed I was Edward's mate, but that simply was not the case. If he felt about me the way a vampire supposedly did for his or her mate he never would have refused to turn me. He would have been unable to give up our relationship.

"Oh, I highly doubt that, dear," she retorted but I heard the hesitancy in her tone. "He fought valiantly to keep you protected from James, remember?"

"He did so out of feelings of obligation and guilt. He felt responsible for my being pursued by James. Besides, he wasn't the one who killed him." It was getting more and more difficult to speak. I just needed a little more time. Certainly, someone would be here soon.

"No, that is untrue." She shook her head as she spoke seemingly trying to convince herself I was being dishonest.

"He doesn't want to spend eternity with me. He and I have ended things. We aren't really even friends anymore."

Her eyes flashed with anger at my words. She was starting to shake violently and her grip on my arms tightened. I heard the bones crack under the force of her hold. The last shreds of my optimism disappeared as I watched her mouth open wide and her head move toward my neck. She wasn't going to let me speak another word and continue to make her wonder if my death really would be equal to the loss she suffered. I closed my eyes against the inevitable. Thankfully, she was interrupted before she had the opportunity to sink her teeth into my skin.

"Ah, your knight has arrived, my fair lady. It's time for him to experience the agony of losing the most important aspect of his life."

"No!" I heard Edward's voice through the rushing sounds that filled my ears right before I lost the battle to stay afloat.

The darkness drifted in and out but, eventually, I realized I was no longer in Victoria's clutches. Her rough grip had been replaced by gentle caresses. Vaguely, I could hear conversations going on around me but I was unable to decipher the exact words being exchanged. A pungent smell reached my nose and I felt my stomach convulse at the stench. The hands around me pulled me closer to a hard, cold form. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was aware that I was in Edward's arms. He had come for me but the tension I could feel rolling off of him caused me to fear that he had arrived too late. His body trembled against mine and I wished I could find the strength to open my eyes to look at him one last time. I wanted to tell him that I loved him and I could never regret meeting him. He would blame himself, as usual, and I worried about what he would do as a result of the guilt this would surely cause him. He had made it perfectly clear that his desire to protect me never dissipated. I may not have his heart but I had his loyalty.

"No, I will not condemn her to this life. You know my feelings on this, Carlisle." Edward's voice broke through the haze but his words hurt even worse than the injuries I had sustained.

"There is no time to debate about this, my son. If you do not act now, it will be too late. I will not stand by and do nothing. If you cannot or will not turn her, then I will." I had never heard Carlisle speak so harshly before but I was glad that he, at least, still wanted me as part of his family.

I heard other muffled voices agreeing with Carlisle and offering to bite me. If I wasn't in so much pain I probably would have laughed.

A growl rumbled through Edward's chest and his voice rang out. His anguish was evident even though I could no longer understand exactly what he was saying. After a few moments, I was lowered onto a soft surface. His angelic voice resounded through my consciousness and I longed to know what he was confessing to me as I lay dying. Suddenly, I felt an immense pain near my shoulder and I braced for death thinking this must be the end. But, the numbness I expected never came. Instead, a fire rushed through my veins consuming every inch of my body. Other spots of my body felt the same surge of fiery consumption and I suddenly realized what was happening to me. There was no relief from the anguish of the all consuming blaze even though I prayed vehemently for the agony to end. Whispered words of adoration tried to push through everything else and I clung to Edward's voice like a life preserver. His presence and his constant words kept me from being utterly engulfed by the flames. He kept me hovering just under the surface and away from the depths of no return. Not everything I heard him say was encouraging though. I began to wonder if he felt trapped by circumstances. I desperately tried to focus on what was being said around me to distract me from the physical and emotional fires raging within.

"This is not what I wanted…"

"She's going to end up hating me for this."

"You need to hunt."

"I can't leave her."

"Seth is still unconscious."

"If I hadn't been such an idiot, this could have happened on her terms. I hate this."

"What if she doesn't want me now?"

"This was her choice."

"She'll thank you for this one day."

"This is all wrong."

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

"I love you. We all do."

"She hasn't screamed at all."

"I cannot stand this!"

"You're truly a part of our family now, kiddo."

"I can't wait to challenge her to a wrestling match."

"Ow!"

"She's going to wake up soon."

"I love you, Bella. I always have and I always will. _Forever_."

An immeasurable amount of time later I realized I could now understand what was going on around me. Edward was telling me how much he loved me, needed me, and wanted me. He apologized over and over for causing me so much pain and lying to me. He promised to spend the rest of his existence making it up to me if I would allow him. I tried to figure out what exactly he had lied about. Was he being honest or simply telling me what he thought I wanted to hear?

Just as I began to believe the torture was coming to an end, the worst of it began as the feeling of being burned alive centered in my chest. The rapid beating of my heart rang in my ears. Then, all of a sudden, everything stopped. The quiet that followed was deafening. I never truly understood that statement before. Not a single sound could be heard for what seemed like hours. Edward's voice echoed through the quiet that had settled around me, startling me and causing my eyes to flutter open. The sight before me was indescribable.

Nothing I ever heard of or imagined could have prepared me for what I saw as I focused on Edward's face. He reached for me and, before I could even think to react, I found myself across the room from him. I quickly realized that we were in his bedroom.

"Am I dead?" I asked. The sound of the voice that emitted from me was foreign to my ears.

"I guess that depends on your definition of death. Your heart no longer beats," Edward responded softly. His eyes appeared anguished and I wanted nothing more than to assuage he sorrow.

"I'm a vampire?" The question sounded absurd but I did not know how else to ask.

"Yes," he whispered but I heard him clearly. His face twisted in agony and I pondered the reason for his pain while another part of my brain focused on every sight, smell, and sound around me.

"I feel so weird." The words seemed inaccurate though I knew no other way to express how I was feeling at that moment.

"I imagine you do. You should hunt." As if on cue, my throat began to burn. After what I had just been through the pain was minimal though and I wanted to continue or conversation. I had to know that Edward was okay with me joining this life.

"Who?" I realized I didn't even know who to thank for saving me from certain death.

"What are you asking, love?" His use of the endearment brought a familiar burning to my eyes. There would no longer be tears accompanying the feeling but it was nice to know I could still feel it.

"Who… changed me?" I asked. I almost asked who bit me but thought better of it.

"I did, love," he said through a proud smirk. His face almost immediately returned to the blank mask he had kept since I awoke but I was elated to see the hint of emotion. Then his admission hit me.

"You?"

"I'm sorry. I could not bear the thought of losing you. Can you ever forgive me?"

Unexpectedly, I found myself in his arms. Laughter bubbled through me as he held me tighter than ever before. He needed to know that I not only forgave him, I was grateful to him for his selfishness.

"Edward, there is nothing to forgive. I'm happier than I have ever been and I can't believe you chose me!" I practically screamed at him and heard laughter coming from downstairs. I pushed back the urge to run and clung to Edward instead. He had not said what this turn of events meant for us. Were we going to spend eternity as friends?

"Ow, Bella not so tight," Edward croaked.

"Oh, sorry," I squeaked in amazement. I forgot about the fact that newborn vampires had more strength.

"Now you realize how hard it was for me to hold back around you," he said through the first genuine smile I had seen from him in some time.

"Take her to hunt, Edward. There will be plenty of time to gawk at each other later." I heard Alice's amused voice drifting up to us from a floor below.

These new abilities were definitely going to take some time to get used to but I was not going to complain. The alternative was death. I would much rather have to get used to being a vampire than not being at all. I sensed another presence before I heard or smelled him and jumped across the room away from the perceived threat without evening consciously thinking about it.

"Whoa, sorry, tiger didn't mean to scare ya," Jasper rattled off quickly. My instincts were driving me crazy. I didn't want to run away every time someone approached me.

"Sorry, Jasper, I guess it's something I'll learn to control in time."

"Don't apologize for defending yourself. Mind if I come along on your first hunt?"

His question caught me completely off guard. Jasper had always kept his distance before. I didn't feel like I really knew him all that well even though I regarded him as a brother figure. I hoped I could handle having him around while I still felt so vulnerable and uncertain of my abilities. The thought of denying his request was unacceptable though so I nodded my head in agreement. Cautiously, Edward reached his hand out in offering. My heart lurched at the sight. My body craved his touch but I was so scared of letting him get too close. His presence did not guarantee his love.

Tentatively, I took a step in his direction and met him halfway. The feeling of his skin against mine felt amazing. He was no longer cold or hard, it was now warm and pliable. I smiled at our interlocked hands before masking my emotions and looking back up at him. Jasper would certainly know what I was feeling so I would have to find time to ask him to keep that knowledge to himself. I wasn't sure how Edward would feel about the fact that I had never stopped loving him. No matter how hard I had tried.

Walking and running were much easier than I expected. Gone was the clumsy human girl I used to be, she was replaced by this graceful immortal I had become. The boys allowed me to run for a while before stressing my need to hunt. The burn in my throat was minimal until they mention my need to feed. As we headed in the direction where Edward was certain we would find some larger game, Jasper explained to me why he had asked to tag along on my first hunt and why he had suggested the others stay home.

Jasper's past was difficult to hear because he was obviously very ashamed of his actions during his time as Marie's minion. He had turned and killed more people and newborns than he cared to think about. I refused to feel sorry for him though. Despite his actions, I knew Jasper was a good man. As soon as he was shown another way, he turned from his previous lifestyle and adapted to his new way of life without a second thought. Sure, it was hard for him at times and he had made mistakes along the way, but what mattered the most was that he tried. When I shared my thoughts with him he looked at me with such admiration that I knew I would have been blushing if I still could.

"Bella, you continue to amaze me. Your emotions are so unlike any other person, human or vamp, that I have ever come across. Do you realize we should not be able to even have a normal conversation right now?"

"Great, so I'm a freak as a vampire too?" I asked. Edward could not hear my thoughts, I was comfortable around the Cullens when I should have run away in fear, and I wasn't a typical newborn.

"Wait, it's a good thing, I promise. It's amazing that you have so much control. Most newborns are like wild animals. You should be proud not self-deprecating. So stop it!" His last words came out harsher than I had ever heard Jasper speak before and I flinched. He quickly backed down when he noticed my reaction and apologized.

"Please don't be sorry, Jasper. I appreciate your honesty."

A strong breeze blew a delectable scent right across my path and I froze. Without even thinking about my actions, I found myself running through the trees. The sensation was extraordinary. Within seconds I was closing in on my prey and all my senses were focused on the appetizing creature in front of me. He could not have been more than thirty feet from me when I finally realized what I was doing. I was stalking my first meal. A small smile spread across my face as I instinctively crouched down out of sight. The sound of a strong heartbeat filled my ears and I felt like I was drooling. Silently, I crept through the tall grass and closed in on my target. When I had gotten close enough, I attacked. It wasn't until the creature lay lifeless at my feet that it dawned on me how easy it was to make my first kill. I had been worried about how I would react to the smell and taste of blood. To my utmost delight, I was not squeamish at all. The blood I had ingested quenched the burning in my throat substantially but I knew I would need more before I felt fully satiated.

I turned to find the rest of my hunting party and was startled to find them standing not far behind me with looks of horror on their faces. My confusion grew as I watched their still forms process the scene before them. My insecurities flared as I began to doubt what my instincts had just led me to do. I had trusted Edward and Jasper to stop me if I was doing something wrong and I found my anger rising the longer they stood there seeming to silently judge me. My body tensed in preparation for a fight. _These two better explain their reactions before I completely lose control_, I thought. I was slowly losing control of my emotions and I hated the feeling. With as much strength as I possessed, I pulled myself out of the defensive crouch and crossed my arms over my chest.

"You better tell me what I did wrong because the looks you're giving me are really starting to piss me off," I seethed. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was embarrassed by my actions but I could not bring myself to care. At least I wasn't ripping their heads off like I so desperately wanted to do in that moment.

My voice snapped both of them out of their trance and they glanced at each other with sheepish expressions.

"Bella, you just took down the biggest bear I have ever seen and didn't even wrinkle your clothes," Jasper stated. I hoped that was a good thing.

"That was sexy as hell." Edward's words caused my head to snap in his direction.

During all the time I had known him, Edward had given me hundreds of compliments but he had never called me sexy before. He was usually such a perfect gentleman that it frustrated me. A huge smile lit up my face as he continued to stare at me like I was something to eat. I couldn't help feeling a little giddy about his reaction.

"We should find another animal for you before we head back to the house." Jasper's voice broke me out of the spell Edward's stare had me under.

I leapt onto a tall boulder beside me and began searching the area for more quarry. Hopefully, my next attempt would be as successful as the first. The boys hung back and allowed me to do my thing without interference. I really appreciated their distance as it proved they had confidence in my abilities. I was on a natural high as I took off after a new scent on the other side of the clearing before me. This animal smelled even better than the bear and I was excited about tasting it. Edward was right about mountain lion being delicious. Once I drained my catch, I headed back in the direction of the house. I could sense that Edward and Jasper were around even though I could not hear or smell them. The two came out of the tree line several yards away as I closed in on the large white house.

"Bella, don't move!" Edward screamed at the same time I caught a whiff of a very interesting smell.

My feet took off in the direction of the familiar smell as Edward yelled in protest behind me.

Apparently, I was much faster than Edward because he was not even close to catching me when I came face to face with one of the last people I ever expected to see again. I flung my arms around his impossibly large frame and screamed in excitement at the sight of him.

"Ouch, Bella, I can't breathe," his voice squeaked above my head and I pulled away half laughing, half horrified.

"Oh, gosh, Seth, I'm so sorry. I forgot about my new super strength." I smiled impossibly wider as I scanned his body and did not see any damage. "Are you okay? I was so worried about you."

"Did you really think some stupid leech would be able to take me down, Bells?" Seth was unchanged by his run in with Victoria and I was so relieved. Part of me had been concerned about more than just his physical injuries.

"How silly of me," I joked.

Throats clearing around us reminded me that we were not alone. Edward and Jasper were once again looking at me with expressions of complete awe but they were not the only ones in the clearing with us. I jumped up and down with joy when my eyes met a set of gentle black orbs. They held no hint of the disdain or hatred I had expected so I ran over to my sun and wrapped my arms around his waist. He enveloped me in a tight embrace causing me to relax against him. The idea of being able to keep my best friend was exhilarating. He pushed me back a little and held my shoulders as he took in the changes in my appearance. When he reached my red pupils he shuddered slightly but kept the smile on his face. He pulled me into his side before turning toward where Jasper and Edward still stood.

"Thank you for keeping her with us. I thought I would prefer her dead but I see now that I was wrong." Jacob looked back at me before continuing. "You're still Bells and I still love you," he whispered sweetly even though we both knew everyone else could easily hear what he said. "Forgive me?"

I stood on my toes and kissed his cheek before wrapping my arms around him again. This day was turning out to be too good to be true and I was afraid that it was all nothing more than a dream.

* * *

**A/N:** does my body guard need to call in reinforcements? I can't even tell you how nervous I am to put this chapter up here but I knew it had to be done. I can't thank all of you enough for sticking with this story and encouraging me along the way. This is the first fanfic I ever posted so it has a special place in my heart as do all of you.

See you at the epi!

~SP


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